Holy Fucking Balls, It’s Been A Long Time

It is Holy Week, after all. Hey hey party people. Sorry for my oh-so-extended absence. As you may or may not know, I work for my state’s unemployment program. Which means, of course, that I’ve been busy as fucking fuckity fuck for, oh, over a year now. Those long-ass days don’t leave a lot of time for blogging. I mean, not when I’ve got my pimp game to run as well. Anyway, speaking of Holy Week and pimping, why not talk about the never-ending bullshit that is Holy Mother Church’s obsession with covering up for abusive priests? Sure, I’ve got … Continue reading Holy Fucking Balls, It’s Been A Long Time

Girls Expect to PARTY and Then Have Me MARRY Them!11!

Apparently it’s self-involved douchebag day here at First Draft: But, I get sick and tired of women who want to treat the workplace as somehow separate from other parts of life. There seems to be an attitude of: “I’m going to party all through my twenties while I’m young and hot, then have a family and be a mom and have a full-time career as well, and I’m owed a dollar for every dollar anyone else makes, regardless of the priorities each of us has set up until this point in our lives.” That ain’t life. I wanted better career … Continue reading Girls Expect to PARTY and Then Have Me MARRY Them!11!

Musto See Video

The RNC bondage expense account flap is the gift that keeps on giving. The management of the club in question, Voyeur, were indignant that their establishment was called a strip club but I’ll let Keith Olbermann and Michael Musto give you the details about this, uh, bridle club: p align=”center” class=”asset asset-video” style=”margin: 0pt auto; display: block;”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640 Visit msnbc.com forbreaking news, world news, andnews about the economy Continue reading Musto See Video

Actually Some People DO Die Wishing They’d Spent More Time at Work

Fuck you, David: Two things happened to Sandra Bullock this month. First, she won an Academy Award for best actress. Then came the news reports claiming that her husband is an adulterous jerk. So the philosophic question of the day is:Would you take that as a deal? Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow? On the one hand, an Academy Award is nothing to sneeze at. Bullock has earned the admiration of her peers in a way very few experience. She’ll make more money for years to come. She may even live longer. Research by … Continue reading Actually Some People DO Die Wishing They’d Spent More Time at Work

Variations on a theme: Scott Brown raises money for MSNBC advertisers

It doesn’t have the flair or depth of the ACORN hoax (let’s hope it doesn’t have the shelf life) but Scott Brown’s attempt to raise funds by scaring Massachusetts conservatives into believing that Rachel Maddow is after his seatruns on the same fuel. Or fumes. 1.Brown sends out letter to constituents: It’s only been a couple of months since I’ve been in office, and before I’ve even settled into my new job, the political machine in Massachusetts is looking for someone to run against me. And you’re not going to believe who they are supposedly trying to recruit — liberal … Continue reading Variations on a theme: Scott Brown raises money for MSNBC advertisers

Available Headspace

After ACORN: Conservative groups routinely make the same sorts of mistakes, but they don’t generally result in such massive losses. Why? Because conservative activists are not in the business of challenging entrenched power. Progressives have to remember that we run an oppositional movement, even with a Democratic president of color in the White House. We are fundamentally about changing the dominant way society is set up, and that will always make us a more likely target of attack than those working merely to maintain the status quo. And also?They have more time on their hands. They have time for smear … Continue reading Available Headspace

You say Hutaree, I say Hekawi

I’m thrilled that the Feds cracked down on the so-called Hutaree militia in Michigan *before* they started killing people. I applaud them for their preventative law enforcement (I loathe the word pro-active and refuse to use it) and I’m also happy as a satirist because now I can mock these clowns. Thanks, G-Men. First, it’s my understanding that these wackadoodle rapturists made up the wordHutaree because it sounded pious or something. Really? It sounds incredibly silly to me: the first thing that crossed my mind was the fictional Hekawi tribe from the uber campy Sixties teevee sitcom, F Troop. I … Continue reading You say Hutaree, I say Hekawi

‘Don’t Make Me Go All Laura Roslin on You Bitches’

Sebelius: Kathleen Sebelius warned the insurance industry Monday not to look for loopholes in health care legislation and informed it that she will be writing regulations to ensure that the industry covers children with preexisting conditions, which some insurers insist is not a requirement of the law. “The American people debated and discussed health insurance reform for more than a year. Congress and the President have acted. Now is not the time to search for non-existent loopholes that preserve a broken system,” writes Sebelius, the Health and Human Services Secretary. The letterwas sent to top insurance lobbyist Karen Ignagni on … Continue reading ‘Don’t Make Me Go All Laura Roslin on You Bitches’

A New RNC Theme Song?

I pride myself on being a helpful person. I’m always prepared to aid those less fortunate than myself even when they’re a doofus named Michael Steele. Mr. Steele, the human gaffe machine and all around buffoon, is now brushing off charges thatGOP donor money was spent at a bondage strip club. Steele’s people deny that the Chairman himself was there stuffing benjamins up some leather clad skank’s hoohah but there’s another way the RNC can deflect attention from Steele’s latest bout of malakatude: a new theme song. Here’s my suggestion, which is totally tubular, man: p align=”center” class=”asset asset-video” style=”margin: … Continue reading A New RNC Theme Song?

Another thing I like about Louisiana politics…

… is that our pols have great, and occasionally bizarre, names. My current personal favorite is the name of a woman wholost a race for Mayor of Mandeville by a mere four votes the other day: Trilby Lenfant. Hand to God, I am not making this up. I call her Live Shot because she’s always ready to spout off for the teevee cameras but I should stick to the glories of her own moniker. That reminds me that there’s a perennial local candidate whose name is Monica Monica. Quite a moniker, no? Now where was I? Oh yeah, repeat after … Continue reading Another thing I like about Louisiana politics…

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – “The Princess and the Frog” edition

Good morning, gentle people. Well, there’s a civil war coming on strong. Militia morons versus the gubmint? Nope. Tea Party versus the GOP? Unh-uh. Mike Vanderboegh versus everybody else? Nah. It’s Sarah Palin Freepers versus ex-Sarah Palin Freepers! How could such a thing come about? Well, suit up and we’ll find out. Hmm – inner airlock door to the iso chamber’s jammed. Don’t understand it – Kibitzer oiled the hinges just last week. I’ll just push harder – it’s giving, but there seems to be something inside pushing back…OH NO! THE DRUMS OF STUPID HAVE BURST!! RUN FOR YOUR BLBLBLBBLBBLAARRGGHHH … Continue reading Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – “The Princess and the Frog” edition

Teabagger Violence and Getting Pushed to the Wall

Amanda: But of course, in order for the obvious to sink in, you need some cold, hard numbers. And those have been produced–-teabaggers mostly identify as Republicans, or they’re those assholes who call themselves something like “libertarian” but always vote for Republicans. I’d probably put money on the possibility that the few who identified as Democrats are also Republicans; they’re just nursingthe youstabee grievance, where they pretend they want to vote for Democrats, but Democrats just make is so hard because they insist on being Democrats. On that subject, it’s worth pointing out that the original sin of the Democrats … Continue reading Teabagger Violence and Getting Pushed to the Wall

Close Your Eyes, Clear Your Heart, Cut the Cord: Caprica Thread

Jacob: I think it’s easy to lose sight of the deal here, which is that as much as Daniel is capable of love, he’s essentially a cold person who sees other people as tools. The robot, the daughter. You can love someone and use them at the same time: Just ask God. But while the tenor of his speech — the very fact that he’s the only one talking — might lead you to sympathize, to see ZoĆ« through his eyes, as a spoiled brat, she’s only a brat insofar as she’s not doing what he wants. And women are … Continue reading Close Your Eyes, Clear Your Heart, Cut the Cord: Caprica Thread

Harryfest? Harrystock? Teafest? Teastock?

The capital of Wingnuttia moves tomorrow to Searchlight, Nevada: Harry Reid’s hometown. The tea party types are calling this covergence of assholes, cretins, jerks and malakas a “conservative Woodstock.” Sounds derivative to me, y’all. So, full of my customary desire to be helpful (I may be full of something else too) I’ve offered a few humble suggestions in the post title. Any thoughts, gentle, genteel and even gentile readers? Since the teabaggers mentioned Woodstock, man (one should never say Woodstock without a man, after it, man) here’s some New Left music for the New Right or something like that: p … Continue reading Harryfest? Harrystock? Teafest? Teastock?

I ain’t no politician…

(Yeah, what up, this is doc. The blogging’s going on. Thank God it’s Friday…) When I was young, my mother wanted me to be a politician. She thought being president would be great, but if not, I could run for any office and help people. Eventually, she realized that wasn’t going to happen, so she said I’d be great as a speech writer for a good politician and that I could help shape the public debate with my words, even if they came out of someone else’s mouth. If nothing else, the health care debate codified for me why I … Continue reading I ain’t no politician…

Friday Ferretblogging: Puckaroo

Puck’s been a bit under the weather lately. The vet who saw him recently said nothing (other than the usual effects of his adrenal disease) was wrong, but he’s been extra-sleepy and likes to spend the afternoons curled up in smaller and smaller balls of fluff in his favorite tube. I’m hoping he’s just slowing down due to the ripe old age of six he recently hit. A. Continue reading Friday Ferretblogging: Puckaroo

Cause and Effect

FromAlbum3 —This Extended Two Minute Hate brought to you by Oxycontin. Fortunately for everyone, the louder the mouth, generally the more innate the weenieness…though the incessant lizard brain proddinghas had someeffect. Still…I hate saying this, but after the sheer volume of rage we’ve seen the last year and a half, part of me is surprised — and, of course, relieved — that there hasn’t been much more violence. Sigh: I forget where I saw this, but earlier someone wrote (paraphrasing) and this is just over a health care bill (apologies for not being able to link/attribute.) That said, and even … Continue reading Cause and Effect

Malaka Of The Week: Mitt Romney

This has been a world class week for malakatude: the candidates for this dishonor have been numerous and very, very LOUD. I decided to opt for the malaka as schmuck theme this week and who’s a bigger putz than Mitt Romney? I had a lot of fun with Romney in 2008, I fell hard (as a satirist) for his relentless pandering. Romney is the only pol I’ve seen who can match the master panderer, the man called the pander bear by Paul Tsongas, former President Bill Clinton. I’ve been pulling for Romney to be the GOP nominee in 2012 but … Continue reading Malaka Of The Week: Mitt Romney

Journalism’s Future: Not Enough News!

“For-profit news orgs won’t create enough journalism.” This assumes they’re creating enough journalistm (and guys, it’s “doing journalism” or my personal favorite, “committing journalism”) now. Which, erm, fuck no. On the upside, nonprofits are helping journalism move toward a more collaborative model, Downie said. In the old days, newspapers resisted ideas and assistance from outside. But in the new news ecosystem, collaboration is a way of life. “All of our ideas have been changed about that,” he said. Well, newspapers used to have enough people that they didn’t NEED anybody from any other organization to help out. But that was … Continue reading Journalism’s Future: Not Enough News!

Not That We Haven’t Always Done This Batshittery

But it is starting to becomeseriously disturbing: Sara Howard, a spokesperson for Congress Russ Carnahan, confirmed tonight that a coffin was left on the front lawn of the Carnahan’s home residence in the St. Louis area. Mark your calendars forWingnut Christmas: Given that 19 April is the date on which both theWaco conflagration and theOklahoma City bombing occurred it’s probably not a coincidence that the gun nuts have chosen that date to stage a“Second Amendment March” on the nation’s capitol. I’ve said this before, but: I have zero issue with gun ownership. I have a SERIOUS problem with blowhard showoffs … Continue reading Not That We Haven’t Always Done This Batshittery