Malaka Of The Week: Mitt Romney

This has been a world class week for malakatude: the candidates for this dishonor have been numerous and very, very LOUD. I decided to opt for the malaka as schmuck theme this week and who’s a bigger putz than Mitt Romney? I had a lot of fun with Romney in 2008, I fell hard (as a satirist) for his relentless pandering. Romney is the only pol I’ve seen who can match the master panderer, the man called the pander bear by Paul Tsongas, former President Bill Clinton.

I’ve been pulling for Romney to be the GOP nominee in 2012 but the passage of a rather Romneyesque health care plan will challenge even his ability to spin, lie and pander. Earlier this week, Mitt Haircut had this to say about HCR:

Romney is taking a hard line against Obama’s health care bill, and
calling for repeal. “America has just witnessed an unconscionable abuse
of power,” Romney said in a post atNational Review.
“President Obama has betrayed his oath to the nation — rather than
bringing us together, ushering in a new kind of politics, and rising
above raw partisanship, he has succumbed to the lowest denominator of
incumbent power: justifying the means by extolling the ends.”

It’s a depressing sign of the times that a Gooper who *actually* accomplished something whilst Governor of “liberal” Massachusetts is denouncing HCR instead of trying to take credit for it. That makes him not only a malaka but a Masshole as well. Romneycare was one of the reasons Scott Brown (who supported it) was able to pull off his stunning upset over MarthaCorpse Coakley. Romney and Brown are currently lying through their respective teeth about the similarities to the Obama-Pelosi HCR but it will continue to plague the Mittster.

Romney has turned out to be one of the biggest losers now that HCR has passed. But the bloggers and pundits of America are losers too: I was hoping to mock Mitt and his rather goofy brood relentlessly through November, 2012. I even planned to harp on the fact that his father, George, was the malaka behind AMC’s Gremlin, which was perhaps the worst car ever. It may not have exploded like the Pinto but it was horrendous. The Romneys are hilarious in a Margaret Dumont kinda way: they have no idea how silly they are. Papa George’s 1968 campaign was almost as funny asBlazing Saddles; especially the bit about being brainwashed by the military brass in Vietnam.

The Mittatollah is still planning to run for the 2012 nomination but the GOP has gone stark raving mad and even an expert panderer such as Mitt will have a hard time faking that. He simply comes off as too sensible even when he’s saying crazy shit. I’m inclined to agree withJosh Marshall who called Mitt Haircut toastearlier this week. So, this felt like an opportune moment to mock Mitt and to crown him malaka of the week. Hang in there, dude, I’m counting on you to stay in the race. We need all the unintentional humor that we can get in these grim times.

3 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Mitt Romney

  1. virgotex says:

    heh.
    don’t see “Margaret Dumont” as adjective phrase nearly enough, which is odd, given the state of american politics.

  2. joejoejoe says:

    Here’s Iron Mike Dukakis telling it like it is about Mitt Romney. It’s brutal and spot on.

  3. Marco says:

    Send the malaka to Malacca!

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