Really, screw 2009. “I’ma push old father 2009 down on the front lawn as the reaper makes for him, and sit on his legs to make sure that skinny sumbeeyotch with the scythe actually gets the job done. Then I’ma cut off his head and his right hand and take out his heart and bury him face down at a crossroads with a stake through his heart. Then I’m gonna re-route a stream to pass over his gravesite so he’s always beneath running water. I want to encase this decade’s final resting place in cement, inside which I’ll put a … Continue reading Resolutions

Surreal–And Not Like Salvador Dali

FromAlbum3 Gee, who knew thatKarl Rove was actually projecting when he accused Democrats of wanting to offertherapy to terrorists… Anyway, if nothing else, 2009 was the year the Bush presidency officially ended. Sure, we’re going to pay — for a LONG time — for eight years of monumentally epic stupidity, but you’ve gotta start somewhere, and sending this clown out to pasture was step one. Happy 2010… Continue reading Surreal–And Not Like Salvador Dali

Let it be resolved…

It’s the time of the year to make New Year’s Resolutions.
Most of these things don’t work, primarily because people pick hard stuff. Quit
smoking, lose weight, fix the country’s health care system… Y’know, stuff
that’s both good and important and yet is likely to fail.

One of the things I used to tell the kids when I taught the
research and thesis class was that if you wanted to have successful research,
you needed to have several hypotheses. The first one is the “Water is Wet
Hypothesis.” Basically, you are simply applying logic and theory to a set
of data that, unless you ended up sneaking into Bizzaroland, should work pretty
easily. The second one is the “Let’s Extend the Game Hypothesis.” In that case,
you’re stretching a bit, looking for a new way to apply the theory or moving
the theory into a new area or applying the theory to a new population. It’s new
and expansive while being fairly safe. The third one is the “If Wishes Were
Horses Hypothesis.” This is where, if the world were full of win and unicorns
and ice cream grew on trees and didn’t make you fat, you would substantially
augment/alter the theory through your findings on this hypothesis. In short,
don’t count on this panning out, but if it does, that’d be awesomesauce.

The problem with most of the resolutions is that they fit
into the third category. If you have been chain-smoking Luckies without the
filter for 40 years, chances are the calendar turning over to a new year isn’t
likely to be the key ingredient to helping you quit. If you’re thinking that
telling the Whopper guy to hold the mayo is going to help you drop from a size
80 to a size 8, you’re either Jared from Subway or you’re delusional. If you’re
trying to fix health care without popular president and a majority in congress
and… Uh… Wait… Yeah, OK…

The point is with this year, I’m applying the simple premise
of my research class to help me feel like I’m doing better on the resolutions. Tick
a few items off the list and I won’t be feeling like a failure if I don’t hit
the trifecta. Below is a list of the resolutions I’m making, using those three
key categories. Feel free to use the comment portion to add your own grouping
of three…

Continue reading “Let it be resolved…”

Listomania: The Decayed Decade

Note: This post was initially written for my blog and it has a few inside NOLA references but I’m too busy (lazy?) to hyperlink and explain them so just go with the flow. Happy New Year, Adrastos Lisztomania is a best forgotten “bio-pic” about Franz Liszt directed by the master of excess, Ken Russell. Its theorum was that Liszt, the leading concert pianist of his day, was the first rock star so he was played by Roger Daltrey. I love Roger to death but this is the sort of disastrous casting that no movie can survive. My feelings about the … Continue reading Listomania: The Decayed Decade

Not the COURTS!

Dear God, this is madness! I’ve been reading as much as I can (a killer migraine that set in after a weekend of too much booze and coffee and tension and too little sleep finally knocked me on my ass Monday) about this underwear bombing nonsense, and how this somehow proves BUSH ROOLZ OBAMA DROOLZ or something. Because having a thwarted terrorist attack on your watch means you suck at thwarting terrorist attacks. Obama being president makes us such a nation of pussies that Americans managed to stop this moron from lighting his balls on fire by kicking his ass … Continue reading Not the COURTS!

Local Republicans

So awesome: “Mr. Martin will no longer be recognized as a legitimate Republican candidate by the Illinois Republican Party,” state party chairman Patrick Brady said in a statement. You mean he was recognized as such up til now? I guess this wasn’t enough: “In federal court filings from the 1980s related to bankruptcy proceedings against him, Martin called one federal judge a ‘crooked, slimy Jew, who has a history of lying and thieving common to members of his race.’ He also expressed sympathy to the perpetrators of the Holocaust.” Then again, he did receive 34 percent of the Republican vote … Continue reading Local Republicans


p align=”center” class=”asset asset-video” style=”margin: 0pt auto; display: block;”> p> Soon, each one of us will be taken By dark powers under this ground That drove us here, that warped us. Not one of us got it his own way. Nothing like any one of us Will be seen again, forever. Each of us held some noble shape in mind. It seemed better that we kept alive. —W. D. Snodgrass, 1926-2009 p>2009, I won’t miss you much. What a long, hard, greedy year you were. At least, that’s how it seemed to me these past few months, though I guess … Continue reading Over

The Tom Benson Premature Celebration Blues

I’d hate to be an NFL placekicker. You’re out there all alone and if you miss everybody notices. That’s what happened to New Orleans Saints kicker Garret Hartley last Sunday. He missed the winning kick against the previously pitiful Tampa Bay Buccaneers who proceeded to make the Saints walk the plank in OT. There’s dismay in Debrisville after two straight home losses and I get no kick out of either cocaine or blaming the kicker so I’ve decided to blame the owner. Why the hell not? NFL owners are usually wealthy GOP donors who receive corporate welfare from the state. … Continue reading The Tom Benson Premature Celebration Blues

Internet Friends

p>Guys, Just a quick note to thank you for all your kind words about my grandmother. My family has been reading your comments and is immensely comforted by all the good thoughts being directed our way. I get infuriated by the usual stories that pop up about how the Internets are ruining our ability to communicate with one another in any meaningful way. I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful, kind, generous folks through the blogs and whenever I’d talk about any of you to the family, it’s never, “this random dude who I don’t even know if he ‘s … Continue reading Internet Friends

Some Fantastic Place

Athenae’s beautiful tribute to her tough and feisty grandmotherupon her passing *really* touched me. I’m not one for tears but it turned on the waterworks. Partially, I suspect, because Dr. A and I spent Christmas Eve and Day with an elderly relative who now lives in a very nice retirement community with options called St. James Place in Baton Rouge. Louise chose to move there last year after living on her own just became too much after her husband Eddie’s death a few years ago. The good news is that she really likes it there and it’s full of retired … Continue reading Some Fantastic Place

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – “Ah’m a-seecedin’!” Edition

Good Monday morning, everyone! Having grown up in Texas was an unparalleled experience. Having been my Father’s sole ranch hand, even more so. Splitting my time between riding fence and riding in a school bus gave me a perspective that not many get to experience, and straddling Bubbaland and the rest of the world was always a balancing act. I was exposed to the best of Texana (self-reliance and connection to the land), and the worst (Sundown Towns and hard bigotry served up with a soft smile) every single day. This is why the wingnuttia meme of Texas secession hits … Continue reading Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – “Ah’m a-seecedin’!” Edition

Her Things Should Keep Her Marks

She washed the dishes. He dried. That’s how I knew what love was. My grandmother, Bernice Helen Kosterman Zens, died tonight at 6 p.m. at the age of 91. I can tell you the outlines of her life, the things we always tell the newspapers: three children, eight grandchildren, a home, a nursing career, a life, a story of fight and survival. She was tough, all 91 pounds of her soaking wet. She loved gardening and hated pets. She was as devout a Catholic as anyone I’ve ever met. And she was stubborn as the day is long and wouldn’t … Continue reading Her Things Should Keep Her Marks

Weekend Question Thread

Understanding that there is no such thing as a truly bad gift, what’s the worst/silliest/weirdest gift you’ve ever gotten? My favorite uncle when I was little bought me Yahtzee three years in a row. This was back when there was only one kind of Yahtzee, so we distributed them around the family for car trips and such. He was the nicest guy, he just honestly forgot from year to year, so nobody wanted to tell him and make him feel bad, but it was kind of hilarious just the same. A. Continue reading Weekend Question Thread

Bless us all…

It was a pretty good Christmas in the Doc household. The Midget woke up after about two hours of sleep to scream that there was a “Barbie THING!” in the basement and it was “GINORMOUS!” I think the internet is infecting her… She played for hours prior to our need to take a trek to the folks’ house. The Missus got everything she wanted and didn’t even get to open all of her gifts (some stuff had to carry over to her birthday next week.) I got enough stuff to keep the Man Cave busy this summer with refinishing projects … Continue reading Bless us all…

Friday Ferretblogging

Merry Christmas, everybody. I wish I had something profound this year, but honestly, I’m recovering from the head cold from hell, and this fall was crazy, and all I want to do is sit wrapped in a blanket and stare at the fire. So here’s some ferrets with antlers on their heads: Bucky: YAY CHRISTMAS! I love you! I love these antlers! I love everything! Boom de yada boom de yada! Riot: Oh God, just get it over with and give me my treat already. You’re so ridiculous, Mom. Puck: I WON’T POSE YOU CAN’T MAKE ME MY REAL MOM’S … Continue reading Friday Ferretblogging

Friday Catblogging: Della Street For The Holidays

Here’s a bit of holiday snark from young Della Street: Della not only dislikes wearing floral stuff, she also attacked a Santa hat: It could, however, be a case of being blinded by too much holiday hooch bling: Finally, here’s a bit of Xmas rock-n-roll for Della Street to race about to: p align=”center” class=”asset asset-video” style=”margin: 0pt auto; display: block;”> Continue reading Friday Catblogging: Della Street For The Holidays

‘This is for my friend Ted Kennedy’

Robert Byrd, 467 years old and still out-classing everybody else in the Senate: Senators couldn’t wait to skip town after the long-delayed passage of health care reform legislation this morning. High on the agenda, up there with celebrating the holidays, and visiting with families, will be sleep. A tired Sen. Robert Byrd (D-WV) set the tone for the event. When the clerk called out his name, Byrd broke with protocol. Instead of calling out his vote, Byrd shouted “Mr. President, this is for my friend, Ted Kennedy. Aye.” Man kicks more ass before breakfast than the rest of us do … Continue reading ‘This is for my friend Ted Kennedy’

With A Voice As Big As The Sea

There doesn’t need to be a war at all: What prompted humans to imagine that religious impulses and the rational quest for insight are at war with each other? Once it became clear that the sun would “return’ whether or not blessed candles were lit, why did the idea of prayer come to seem naive? When mystical wonder was walled off from measurable observation, science restricted its range, and religion anathematized critical thinking – disasters both. But the festivals this week, sparked by this morning’s dawn, call to mind the age-old spaciousness of informed imagination. Happily, it remains so. Knowledge … Continue reading With A Voice As Big As The Sea

Malaka Of The Week: The St. Bernard Parish Christmas Gift Thief

As always, there’s a lot of malakatude around but this is a rare example of malakatude with a happy ending but not, of course, for the malaka in question. Last week, somecreep broke into Our Lady Of Lourdes Church in St. Bernard Parishand stole all the Christmas presents they planned to give to the needy. Compounding the malakatude, the church had re-opened a mere one month ago after being flooded by Hurricane Katrina and ye olde Federal flood. The Debrisville media have been riding this story so hard that donations have flooded in (pun intended) to replace the stolen prezzies. … Continue reading Malaka Of The Week: The St. Bernard Parish Christmas Gift Thief

‘Posted on the Internet’

Oh, God, get with the program already: Let’s recount what evidence the paper had at that point. 1) An eyewitness account called in by an editorial aide shortly after the incident occurred. The aide said that the cop actuallydid pull out a gun, not that he “may” have; and 2) Video and photos that clearly corroborate the eyewitness account of thePostnewsroom employee. Yet thePoststill couldn’t bring itself to say that an officer had actually taken out his gun at a snowball fight. Not, at least, until the print editions hit the streets over the next couple of days—which is among … Continue reading ‘Posted on the Internet’

Have Yourself A Vitty Little Christmas

Diaper Dave has posted a touching holiday message to his constituents. I thought I’d share it with folks who share my opinion of thiswingnut malaka: p align=”center” class=”asset asset-video” style=”display: block; margin: 0 auto;”> I’m only surprised that Bitter Vitter didn’t trot our his wife and kids to convince us that he’s really a swell guy.  I have a confession to make, I only posted this because I had a kick ass title but while I’m at it, here’s the late great Lou Rawls: Continue reading Have Yourself A Vitty Little Christmas

Speaking of Us Being a Country of Assholes

Here we go with some seriously crazy crazy in the comments to this story that is, at its heart, about how hard it is to be different at a time of conformity: No one ever talks about the homosexual lifestyle. It is wildly different than the hetrosexual lifestyle. Studies have shown homosexual men are far more promiscious than hetro men. There are homosexual bars that have private areas for you know what only because that’s expected in the culture. Question – Of the entire homosexual population, how many are truly homosexual and how many are simply sexual deviants? Afterall, how … Continue reading Speaking of Us Being a Country of Assholes

Voter engagement no longer required

To the extent my opinions matter, and it’s not much of an extent, I agree with those in the let’s-take-what-we-can-salvage-and-quit camp on HCR, because there’sa few decent pieces left. Do I think that’s realistic? Yeah, you know why? Because it’s the only fucking option we’re going to get. An important symbolic corner’s been turned here. The idea that what we voters —the ones who sent these guys up to the show — really want, really think, hasobviously already been devalued. It’s sorta weird, really, because on most subjects it’s the first thing they think of, both about the policy itself … Continue reading Voter engagement no longer required

Don’t Tell Me How To Do This

Go read Sars and all her commenters and then come back. The short version of this whole clusterfuck is this: A woman Tweeted that her young son had been in an accident and asked for prayers, then followed up that he had died. Another woman proceeded to question if the death had really occurred, and to do so publicly and in a hectoring fashion. In observing variouspseuicides and hoaxes being outed over at Fandom Wank, I’ve learned that really the best thing to do if you suspect someone is faking their pain for sympathy or cash is to shut the … Continue reading Don’t Tell Me How To Do This