The Tom Benson Premature Celebration Blues

I’d hate to be an NFL placekicker. You’re out there all alone and if you miss everybody notices. That’s what happened to New Orleans Saints kicker Garret Hartley last Sunday. He missed the winning kick against the previously pitiful Tampa Bay Buccaneers who proceeded to make the Saints walk the plank in OT.

There’s dismay in Debrisville after two straight home losses and I get no kick out of either cocaine or blaming the kicker so I’ve decided to blame the owner. Why the hell not? NFL owners are usually wealthy GOP donors who receive corporate welfare from the state. Saints owner Tom Benson is a classic douchebag: a car dealer who lived for many years in Texas. Benson also proved himself to be a world’s class conclusion jumper this weekend whilst Hartley was missing the field goal:

PREMATURE

This premature gesticulation *almost* takes the sting out of the loss. Almost.

But something else *has* taken the sting out of losing to the lowly Bucs. The Vikings have lost 36-30 to Da Bears so the Saints will have home field advantage throughout the playoffs. It also pleases Cheeseheads everywhere and this is a pro-Cheesehead blog, after all. Yay, cheddar. Go, gouda.

10 thoughts on “The Tom Benson Premature Celebration Blues

  1. RAM says:

    It was the oddest thing; I tuned in to the Bears’ game and between last week and this, someone apparently kidnapped the entire team and replaced them with actual professional football players. You know, actual gridders. Imagine my surprise! I’m sure Lovey will make a ruthless search for the actual Bears and have them all back in uniform by next week. I’m not sure how to deal with the lack of embarrassment on national TV, but I guess I’ll get over it.

  2. Elspeth Ravenwind says:

    You’ll never walk Provalone.

  3. leinie says:

    RAM, for some inexplicable reason, the Vikings can only suck when they play in the night “feature” game. Bodes really well for their performance in the playoffs, doesn’t it?
    Long time suffering, knew the disappointment was a coming Vikings fan.

  4. Athenae says:

    Leinie, we tried to warn you. This is what happens. It gets late in the season, Favre starts wishing he’d retired after all, starts kicking up trouble off the field, and everything falls apart, and he throws six interceptions in a playoff game or something. We’ve watched it happen for years while the football announcers who were deep-throating him earlier in the season are suddenly MIA.
    When he’s good he’s very, very good and when he’s bad it’s everybody else’s fault.
    A.

  5. liprap says:

    Never thought I’d say this as a Saints fan, but thank you, Bears. Season ain’t over yet.

  6. mass says:

    We gotta have something to pull us through this bitter, cold Ouachita Parish winter. It’s damned near 60 degrees up here. Go Saints!!

  7. pansypoo says:

    and then ‘DA bears’ beat the vikings.

  8. The Other Sarah says:

    I got nothin’, ‘cept I sure hope the Cowboys beat the Eagles.

  9. scout says:

    This Cheesehead is still savoring last night’s Bears win.
    Man NEVER thought I’d say that…
    Anyway…BwahHaaaHaaa

  10. Vinny says:

    Damn, he caught a bad case of the assumes. The end is priceless. I feel like doin a Nyehhhhhh! like Louie DePalma from Taxi.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: