The recount of Maricopa County, Arizona’s 2.1 million ballots includes an analysis of whether the ballots have any bamboo fibers, an audit leader said Wednesday. The official said that the auditors were seeking to vet a wild claim that 40,000 counterfeit ballots were shipped in from Asia.
The explanation for the review by John Brakey — who is serving as an assistant liaison for the Arizona Senate Republican-ordered “audit” — confirms suspicions by outside election experts that the rules for the audit had been shaped with crazy conspiracy theories about the 2020 election in mind.
Brakey had been asked by a reporter for the local CBS affiliate to elaborate on a reference to bamboo fibers he had made at a press conference last week.
“There’s accusations that 40,000 ballots were flown into Arizona and stuffed into the box. And it came from the Southeast part of the world — Asia — and what they’re doing is to find out if there is bamboo in the paper,” Brakey said Wednesday.
Say what? Bamboo? WTF?
Trumpers have no idea how crazy this shit sounds to non-cult members. The Kaiser of Chaos acts as if these audits or whatever the hell you want to call them is his ticket out of Mar-a-Doorn and back to the White House. That’s right, they somehow think a restoration is possible. So did Kaiser Bill who spent most of his exile preparing for a return to Germany. It never happened.
The Trumpists seem determined to make the Yellow Peril a thing again. Hence the comments about the Chinese or Kung Flu. The latter is what passes for humor in Trumper circles. That’s why the Senate passed an Asian Hate Crimes Bill with only one no vote: Josh Hawley, of course. Hell, even Tailgunner Ted tucked his tail between his legs and voted aye.
In other voter suppression news, the Trump mini-me who runs Florida signed a restrictive bill into law. They’re so eager to pander to the Impeached Insult Comedian that they shot themselves in the foot. The Florida GOP spent years urging their supporters to vote by mail. Their lege just made it harder. That’s some real Florida Man shit, y’all.
The good news is that the Arizona Bamboo Bamboozle is doomed to fail. The bad news is that bamboo is hard to cut back, it keeps growing and growing. Hopefully, that won’t be the case with political bamboo. Stay tuned.
The last word goes to a genuine odd couple, Dean Martin and Frank Zappa:
You’re probably asking yourself, what’s up with that title? I’ll get to that in a minute.
The picture above comes from Judge Garland zooming into a Congressional hearing in which he requested a massive increase in spending to combat domestic terrorism. It’s about bloody time.
Note the portraits of past Attorney Generals flanking Merrick Garland: to his left Edward Levi and to his right Robert Kennedy.
Here’s where the bragging rights come in. I wrote a piece called Merrick Garland’s Time. In it, I compared him favorably to his fellow Chicagoan, Edward Levi who cleaned up the DOJ in the wake of Watergate.
Like Edward Levi and John Paul Stevens, Merrick Garland hails from the Chicago area.
Like Merrick Garland, Edward Levi was a modest unassuming man.
Like Merrick Garland, Edward Levi faced a difficult task. He did the job, then returned to the University of Chicago where he had previously served as dean of the law school and president of the university.
Like Merrick Garland, Edward Levi was Jewish. He was the first Jewish AG; Garland will be the third.
Edward Levi is one of the most underrated figures in American history. He not only had to clean up the DOJ, but he also had to reform the FBI, which J. Edgar Hoover had turned into his private police force. He accomplished both in two years. It can be done again.
1975 was Edward Levi’s time.
2021 is Merrick Garland’s time.
I’m pleased but not surprised to see that Garland shares my high opinion of Levi. Keep up the good work, General Garland.
The blistering opinion by U.S. District Judge Amy Berman Jackson concerned an Office of Legal Counsel memo that was drafted in the key weekend between when special counsel Robert Mueller issued his report to Attorney General Bill Barr and when Barr released a public letter to Congress ostensibly “summarizing” the report.
She said that the department had made a “misrepresentation” about the purpose of the memo and engaged in a “the lack of candor” about its content. She said that CREW, while never laying “eyes on the document,” had supplied a summary “more accurate than the one supplied by the department’s declarants” in its filings alleging that the memo was being illegally withheld.
Team Barr violated the first rule of litigation: NEVER PISS OFF THE JUDGE.
The DOJ has two weeks to decide if the memo remains withheld. It’s unlikely that Team Garland will continue the cover up.
Today, I once again compared Merrick Garland to Edward Levi. It’s time to recapitulate my comparison of Bill Barr to jailed Nixon Attorney Generals John Mitchell and Dick Kleindienst:
Talk about a rogue’s gallery. None of those guys will be hanging on the wall in a future AG’s office.
I found those official portraits at the DOJ web site. The portraits of LBJ’s AGs took a decidedly modernist turn.
That’s Nick Katzenbach by Alan Wood-Thomas and Ramsey Clark by Robert Berks.
I hope that the fashion of calling presidents by their numbers doesn’t catch on with Attorney Generals. If it does, we began with 86 flanked by 71 and 64.
Where do you begin? You can cite so many examples — MGT, Matt “Covid-17-but-I-swear-she-looked-at-least-19-wanna-see-her-picture?” Gaetz, Trump himself, the January 6th riot, the Tea Party/birther lunacy, Mitch the swamp turtle, the entire Bush Junior Administration…the Clenis (for those who remember the dial-up-Ur-internet)…the pre-internet-cable-TV-Stone-Age featuring Newton Leroy Gingrich and the halcyon days of Ronaldus Magnus, he-who-read-teleprompters-with-no-sin (or comprehension).
But a constant in all of that’s been a press corpse [sic] that can’t wait to demonize ANY Democratic-with-a-large-D administration and/or policy proposal while whitewashing (emphasis on white) any Republican-with-a-large-R reactionary push.
Watergate notwithstanding, the elite media is hardly an adversary to power, unless power is held by Democrats.
Meanwhile, the actual GOP, leadership and base, has embraced pussy-grabbing MAGAism.
Makes sense, in a perverse way, pun intentional. That’s where their votes are.
But that’s also the road to a particularly United States-style of fascism that’s embodied in the orange lard-ass that’s Donald Trump.
Anti-science, anti-knowledge, racist, misogynistic, ersatz-Christian-masking-actual-white-supremacy, manipulative, and at the same time helpless, pathetic, attention-craving, demanding, needy, emotionally infantile…
Heavily armed, entitled juveniles.
Which the elite media, in its infinite wisdom, insists is an advocacy of limited government.
And the media’s always managed, when it comes to the GOP, to confuse rhetoric with ideology.
Rob Anderson parachuted into Southwestern Louisiana in 2017 and ran twice for Congress against the Gret Stet’s bull goose wingnut, Clay Higgins. In my fleeting online encounters with Anderson, he struck me as a dilettante with limited connections to his district. It was far worse than I imagined. That is why Twitter Famous Rob Anderson is malaka of the week.
Anderson built a substantial Twitter following over the last few years. That’s now gone along with his political prospects. Here’s why:
…Anderson’s Twitter stardom meant little in Louisiana’s 3rd District, where Higgins crushed three Democrats, taking more than two-thirds of the vote. Anderson fell shy of 12%, six percentage points behind the top Democrat.
In addition to building his fan base, Anderson used his campaign Twitter account to send nude selfies to women. A pseudonymous Twitter user known for exposing sexual misconduct allegations posted a sampling last week, sparking a war between the “Rob Mob” and several women accusing him of harassment. Screenshots of his lewd direct messages circulated.
Recriminations for Louisiana’s most Twitter-famous progressive were swift.
“I’m already ruined,” Anderson said in a phone interview Thursday, two days after the photos appeared.
A close friend and business partner quickly cut ties, killing a podcast venture the two had hoped to leverage from Anderson’s Twitter base.
Amid the backlash, attention turned to Anderson’s missing campaign finance reports. He has not filed any since the first quarter of last year, leaving the months covering his meteoric rise unaccounted for. Anderson blamed his staff for failing to file the reports.
Anderson says his political career is over.
“I may be Twitter famous, but nobody in Louisiana knows who the hell I am. Although they probably will now,” he said.
That long excerpt was necessitated by the vagaries of the Georges Media Empire’s web sites, which are hard to maneuver if you’re a subscriber like me and purt near impossible if you’re not. BTW, John Georges is the dullest Greek I’ve ever encountered. I usually brag on my countrymen, but I make an exception in his case. He’s not even interesting enough to be selected as malaka of the week.
Except for groveling in the pages of the Georges Advocate, Twitter Famous Rob Anderson has vanished from the internet. Taking the coward’s way out, he deleted his campaign’s web site, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook feeds. Curiously, the Rob Anderson for Louisiana YouTube page is still up as of this writing. Perhaps Malaka Rob is watching his greatest hits and pondering what might have been.
There was always something off-putting about Twitter Famous Rob Anderson. He struck me as a minor league con man who specialized in fleecing the gullible Hipster Twitter Left. Malaka Rob said all the right things but lacked a presence in the real world to back up his Twitter fame:
Anderson started organizing his 2020 campaign just prior to the pandemic lockdown. A four-person core consisting of Anderson, Leveque and two other staffers, Clare Stagg and Dave Langlinais, grew close as they worked out of Langlinais’s house. They formed a social pod, frequently sharing dinners, drinks and personal conversations.
But the two women staffers experienced Anderson as increasingly dictatorial as he became fixated on Twitter. They worried that his Twitter fame had divorced him from reality in southwest Louisiana.
“I think he thought that was enough to mean that he was a big name,” said Stagg, the campaign manager. “Everything else in the campaign fell by the wayside to him, no matter how much you told him, ‘Twitter isn’t real life, your following is not in the district.’”
There’s a lesson in the well-deserved fall of Malaka Rob Anderson. Twitter isn’t real life and an overdependence on social media and the Hipster Twitter Left in a campaign is a prescription for defeat.
It’s unclear if Twitter Famous Rob Anderson is a liar or a fantasist who believes his own bullshit. His Ballotpedia survey is revealing in that regard. He turns out to be a sci-fi fan:
What is your favorite book? Why?
“Flow my tears, the policeman said.” Before I was a teenager, it was the most complicated story I’d read, and it resonated with me. It’s themes are connection and alienation, and how to bridge the chasm between souls.
That’s a novel by Philip K. Dick, which is fitting given Malaka Rob’s propensity to share dick pix.
If you could be any fictional character, who would you want to be?
Valentine Michael Smith. It would be fascinating to be a postmodern Martian.
I grok that. I wonder if the self-proclaimed working class progressive knows that Stranger In A Strange Land author Robert Heinlein was one of those people who migrated politically from the far left to far right. Probably not, Anderson was too busy tweeting. He’ll have time to catch up on his reading now.
Anderson could even try emulating Heinlein’s political journey and become a Trumper. They’re indifferent to dick pix and others forms of sexual harassment, after all.
There’s another weirdly revealing bit in Malaka Rob’s Ballotpedia survey:
Is there a book, essay, film, or something else you would recommend to someone who wants to understand your political philosophy?
“The Great Shark Hunt” by Hunter S. Thompson.
I’m already on the record as a HST un-fan. His political philosophy, such as it was, revolved around getting wasted, shooting guns, and conning the gullible Left of his day into thinking he was a progressive. Maybe that’s why Malaka Rob admires him. That’s his shtick as well.
I’ve already told Dr. A to commit me if I start calling myself a “Twitter personality” or “Twitter Famous.” The Rob Anderson saga should be a cautionary tale for those who spend too much time on social media. He’s gone from having a “Rob Mob” and being Twitter Famous to being Malaka Rob and Twitter Infamous in the blink of an eye. And that is why Twitter Famous Rob Anderson is malaka of the week.
Imagine for one second, you’re at a long-anticipated party with friends. The drinks are flowing, the vibes are good, and the music is on point. Everyone is having a good time and forgetting the problems of the real world.
Midway through the party, a brave soul walks in. Dressed like one of those annoying hipsters in the Bywater area of New Orleans, they start to loudly complain about everything. And while everyone around them is trying to hold their tongue by not saying anything or even acknowledging their asinine concerns, a few people let their feelings be known to the said brave soul. In turn the brave soul goes home and goes on social media to comment on how mean the people at the party were to them.
In other words, they decide to play victim instead of looking in the mirror at their own behaviors. They become defensive and believe everyone is mean to them for no reason when in reality, their track record is there for everyone to see.
They don’t seem to have a sense of reality and expect everyone to be miserable like them.
Back in 2016, I was close to being a member of the Democratic Socialists of America chapter in New Orleans. I was of the impression that maybe going the typical corporate Democrat route, which is what Hillary Clinton represented to me, wasn’t the way we needed to go.
That was, until I saw the true colors of not only the DSA, but their lord and savior Bernie Sanders.
Anytime I have to squint hard and look for a person that looks like me in a group photo, your whole movement is trash and I automatically ignore everything that you have to say.
So, I dismissed them and became a Clinton supporter.
The same thing happened last year when I roundly criticized Bernie Sanders, going as far as writing on Facebook about how Bernie and the DSA had a black people problem, which got me a lot of hate mail from leftist loon jobs.
“You must be some Trump supporter,” was what someone wrote me in a message.
Another message from someone on Facebook went as far as accusing me of being anti-Semitic because I said Bernie Sanders was always full blown angry.
After a while, I realized that there was no point getting through to a bunch of spoiled trust fund kids that were stuck on stupid.
Fast forward to now, where those same spoiled brats in DSA and Rose Twitter are sharpening their knives and criticizing Joe Biden.
That’s not to say that Biden is exempt from criticism. He’s the president and he should be held accountable for what he does.
But when you sit on social media all day and complain about how everything in the world sucks and then get mad when people call you out on your shit, it makes me hard to feign any type of sympathy for you.
The reason why your lord and savior Bernie Sanders isn’t in office today is because of black people, the demographic that your corner of the twitterscape is afraid of. The demographic that you view as low-information and in need of a savior.
The reason why your podcasts and YouTube channels are dwindling in viewers and listeners is because you can’t find any joy whatsoever in anything. You can’t have a moment of brevity because it would make your grift useless. People don’t want to hear a person complain about how bad the world is all the time. They want brevity. They want joy.
You don’t seem to get that.
In closing, keep having your temper tantrums and irrelevant podcasts.
While you’re whining, I and the majority of this country gonna choose joy.
This week’s postcard is actually from several places.
It’s from Menlo Park. But it’s actually from East Menlo Park. To be more specific from the campus of Facebook in East Menlo Park.
More specifically it’s from the cyber location called Facebook Jail.
No, I’m not in jail, but in the last few weeks a couple of my friends have been placed there, so like in Monopoly, I’m just visiting. I get to pass Go and collect $200.
It’s the algorithms I tells ya, they rat you out before you can even finish the comment.
Take my friend Don. Nice guy. We used to write together. We even wrote a musical for him to star in.
He’s the blonde on the left. If you’re thinking to yourself I know that face it’s probably from one of his many commercials or appearances on Letterman. He semi-gave up the glamour of show business for the academic life a few years ago and now teaches creative writing at a college in Connecticut. Which makes his crime even more, what’s the creative writing term for it, ironic.
Why is he in Facebook Jail? Because he had the temerity to make the following comment as a reply to someone else’s post:
We have more stupid Americans than at any other point in my lifetime.
That’s it. That’s all. For making the rather obvious statement of fact/opinion that a huge swarth of the American public are stupid. If I’m not mistaken Tucker Carlson has built an entire career on the basis of that assumption. The Repugnicant party as well.
I can hear you now saying to yourself “self, what’s so bad about saying a great number of people are stupid? It’s not like he called a specific person a particular racial slur or maligned an entire group of people by saying all were stupid, he just said there are a lot of stupid people living in America.”
Well self here’s the answer. The algorithm Facebook uses to check for hate speech on it’s site considers the word “stupid” to be hate speech. Why? Apparently because some people still use stupid as a derogatory synonym for mentally challenged, hence stupid in the context of other human beings is hate speech. Stupid in the context of The Bachelor is okay, though don’t call whoever is the bachelor on The Bachelor stupid even if he was mentally challenged enough to go on a reality dating show.
But stupid has other meanings in relation to humans.
“A benumbed or dazed state of mind” as in “I was rendered stupid for awhile after I fell off the ladder”.
“Tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense” as in “This party is stupid”.
“In a state of stupor” as in “I am stupid from staying up all night”.
“Annoying or irritating” as in “This recitation of all the meanings of stupid is stupid”
So Facebook, do I go to jail for saying “Man last night I was so stupid from going to that stupid party that I tripped on the curb, hit my head, and got stupid for so long that I was stupid to the guy who gave me a ride home”?
In the last 20 years, Rudy Giuliani has gone from unpopular mayor to national hero to failed presidential candidate to national joke. It’s been quite a journey and he only has himself to blame for the next phase of his odyssey. Rudy’s big fat mouth has positioned him to be a defendant in the dock and/or a stool pigeon who might die in jail. What a long strange trip it’s been.
There’s long been chatter that the Southern District of New York was thwarted in its effort to go after Trump’s nominal personal lawyer by then AG Bill Barr. (I say nominal because the Rudester seems to have been an unpaid volunteer representing a grifter who never pays his legal bills.) That ended last week with a search warrant executed on Rudy’s office and residence. Thanks, General Garland.
Rudy squealed like a stuck pig about how this was an unprecedented violation of attorney-client privilege. Really? What about Trump’s former fixer/lawyer, Michael Cohen? The same thing happened to Cohen and the Impeached Insult Comedian sided with him for half a second before betraying him. This strikes me as Rudy’s most likely fate.
For his part, Cohen thinks that the Artist Formerly Known As Mayor Combover will flip, rollover, and otherwise turn on former President* Pennywise:
Michael Cohen: "Prior to Donald becoming president, Rudy didn’t like Donald, and Donald certainly didn’t like Rudy. So, do I think Rudy will give up Donald in a heartbeat? Absolutely." pic.twitter.com/kPB7q9aMx7
It always comes back to Vladimir Putin’s ambition to reassemble the Russian Empire by regaining control of the jewel in both the Tsarist and Soviet crown. Ukraine.
It’s fitting that Rudy’s quest to oust Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch led to Trump’s first impeachment and now legal jeopardy for the Artist Formerly Known As America’s Mayor.
The weirdest thing about the Ukraine scandal is that the Kaiser of Chaos *had* the power to remove Yovanovitch. But his desire to keep his fingerprints off the ouster resulted in his and Rudy’s ongoing Ukraine-related legal problems. The moral of that part of the story: never send a heavy-handed clown to do a job that requires subtlety and discretion.
Rudy The Clown by Barry Blitt.
The loudmouth Rudy-Pennywise approach worked to defang the Mueller investigation, but it’s failed subsequently. The only thing that saved Rudy’s ass was being backed up by a president* and the pardon power. No wonder Rudy participated in the Big Election Lie. It was a no-brainer and Rudy seems to have precious few little grey cells left. Hercule Poirot weeps.
There’s a certain symmetry to Rudy Giuliani’s rise and fall. He first rose to prominence as the US Attorney for the Southern District of New York, Now that office is trying to nail his scalp to the wall. How the mighty have fallen.
The question is: how did the seemingly intelligent asshole of the 1980s morph into the stupid asshole of 2021? It’s partially the Trump effect: hanging out with him seems to cut people’s IQ in half and result in chronic mendacity.
“The problem here is that Rudy isn’t a soldier. Rudy is—Rudy is drunk all the time, which is a big problem and that’s what makes him susceptible because his faculties are gone. He behaves crazy.”
Melber challenges Cohen on this point, asking, “are you sharing an opinion or are you sharing an observation like you’ve seen him drink X amount?”
Cohen, who was jailed in 2018 for arranging payments to silence women who claimed to have affairs with Trump, continued: “I’ve seen him drink to the point like he’s a high school drunk,” adding, “and it makes him susceptible.”
It also makes Rudy susceptible to Trumpian manipulation. The teetotaler has played the drunk for a chump. He’s kept him inside the tent thus far because Rudy knows too much. That won’t last now that Rudy is under investigation and Trump is no longer “immune” from prosecution. No wonder Rudy wanted a blanket pardon.
This story has more twists and turns coming. I think a bag of pretzels is in order because Rudy has long specialized in Pretzel Logic.
That was just the first last word for this post. The penultimate one involves the demon alcohol and goes to the Kinks:
The last last word goes to Sarah Vaughan with a Sassy rendition of a Stephen Sondheim song:
Shortest “Obsession” post in my history here at First Draft :
“I Got Mine” Won’t Work Anymore
Posted on 5/1/2021, 9:03:47 AM by DIRTYSECRET
Okay my friends.How do we fight the catch phrases like ‘income inequality’? Makes us the defensive right off the bat. They just have to point to the obvious wealth out there to say it’s unfair. ‘No one working 40 hours/week should live in poverty.’ Blowing them off doesn’t do anything for the younger generation-communist. They’re lost. College loans, putting off marriage, investing in Obamacare they don’t need. Major surgery is needed and the poverty pimps have an easier time stroking resentment while we quietly go about our business. What’s the solution?
I own a Glock G21 handgun, a single-shot .22 rifle that belonged to my Grandfather, and a .410 shotgun that was used in my days as a ranch hand to dispatch armadillo (our cattle were breaking their legs in armadillo holes), and put rabbits, duck, and pheasant on the table.
I also trained with the M1 Garand and the original M16 jam-o-matic in my Allen Academy days. I shot Sharpshooter level with both hands, and still do that well on the rare occasion that I still go to the range .
And no, I don’t EVER carry my handgun around with me in the hope I might get to shoot someone.
So let’s just disarm (see what I did there?) the “You gun-haters want to take away all our guns” trope right now.
I have as much use for a modified (full-auto and burst settings disabled) assault rifle as I do for a
flamethrower or hand grenade. And unless you are in the military, police responding to an active shooter, or are planning to kill a whole shitload of people, neither do you.
It’s a bit like someone with a Piper Cherokee saying that the Government wants to take away his plane, just because you can’t buy an A10 Warthog with a working GAU-8 Avenger rotary cannon.
Ain’t the same thing, numbnuts.
10,000 Quatloos to the commenter who can pick out the author in the pic below :
Now that I’m fully vaccinated, things are slowly but surely getting back to normal at Adrastos World HQ. A close friend of mine paid an extended visit the other day. He’s an engineer so when he noticed that one of our front stairs was wonky, he insisted on fixing it. His motto is: “I fix shit.” Thanks, pally.
I’ve been listening to a lot of early Beatle. The music and lyrics may not be as sophisticated as their post-Revolver work, but the harmonies are to die for. They sang live in the studio back then and the blending of John and Paul’s voices is sublime. The best example of Beatly greatness I can think of is the fact that George Harrison was the third best singer in the band. And George was no slouch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There are many songs titled Tell Me Why. I picked three of them. The Beatles song is basically a John Lennon song and was written in 1964. The Beatles recording history is complex, the early US and UK albums were quite different. In the UK, it appeared on Hard Day’s Night and in the US on Something New. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Our second theme song was written by Neil Young in 1970. It was the opening track on the album that made him a star as a solo artist, After The Gold Rush.
Our third theme song was also written in 1970. Barry Gibb wrote *his* Tell Me Why for the family band’s 2 Years On album.
Now that I’ve told you why, let’s jump to the break.