“I’ma push old father 2009 down on the front lawn as the reaper makes
for him, and sit on his legs to make sure that skinny sumbeeyotch with
the scythe actually gets the job done. Then I’ma cut off his head and
his right hand and take out his heart and bury him face down at a
crossroads with a stake through his heart. Then I’m gonna re-route a
stream to pass over his gravesite so he’s always beneath running water.
I want to encase this decade’s final resting place in cement, inside
which I’ll put a nuclear waste container. I want to invent universally
understood pictographs to ensure that nobody ever, ever, ever opens
that vault too. I want 2009 to be dubbed “the year we don’t speak of”
for all time, like that Egyptian pharaoh that everybody got so mad at
that they went in after they’d killed him and hacked up any statue
bearing his likeness and chiseled out any mention of his name ANYWHERE.
That. I am that level of OVER IT about 2009.”
It won’t ever top 1999 (gaaaaaah) or 2007 (eeeghgghhghh) in terms of suck for Mr. A and me personally, but 2009 was an epic disaster for just about everyone else I know. I said to a friend shortly before Christmas that I felt like some kind of harbinger of doom, that everyone around me had some sort of personal apocalypse going on. Deaths, divorces, illnesses, breakups, layoffs … this is the kind of year you want to put in a box and sit on until it’s smothered and starved, and then bury the box to make sure it’s dead.
I hope, I hope, I hope for 2010, but I don’t have any resolutions. I have plans, projects that have been in the works for months that I want to see come to fruition this year: a new book, big plans for the ferret shelter, fixing up my house because we’ve been deferring maintenance for years and THE CEILING IS FALLING DOWN, maybe a retirement ceremony for the Saturn of Love should she make it through one more winter for us. But these aren’t resolutions. The only resolution I have is to give 2009 a good hard kick if I see it stirring, knock it out cold again.
What about you? Any resolutions or plans?