My Humble Suggestions for Changes to the Political Discourse

To start with, carry one of these at all times.

So. The pendejo-in-chief went to Israel and compared Barack Obama’s idea of negotiating with Iran (you know, a sovereign nation-state that has divergent interests from ours, which makes them eeeeeevil) to, and I’m not kidding, the appeasement of Hitler in the 1930’s.

That’s right.

Let’s look at what Bushactually read off of the TelePrompTer. First, he said this crazy shit:

My only regret is that one of Israel’s greatest
leaders is not here to share this moment. He is a warrior for the ages, a
man of peace, a friend. The prayers of the American people are with Ariel
Sharon. 

A four-year-old child would call bullshit on that. It’s kind of hard to be “a warrior for the ages” and “a man of peace” at the same time. Maybe, if you were a reluctant warrior, likeCincinnatus, or George Washington, that descriptionmight apply. But to Ariel Sharon? That’s just crazy talk. Oh, and my prayers aren’t with him. They’re not with anyone else, either; they’re all entreaties to the Lottery God for me to hit the Powerball.

But that’s just the warm-up for the full-on batshit insanity.

    The fight against terror and extremism is the defining challenge of
our time. It is more than a clash of arms. It is a clash of visions, a
great ideological struggle. On the one side are those who defend the
ideals of justice and dignity with the power of reason and truth. On the
other side are those who pursue a narrow vision of cruelty and control by
committing murder, inciting fear, and spreading lies.

    This struggle is waged with the technology of the 21st century, but
at its core it is an ancient battle between good and evil. The killers
claim the mantle of Islam, but they are not religious men. No one who
prays to the God of Abraham could strap a suicide vest to an innocent
child, or blow up guiltless guests at a Passover Seder, or fly planes into
office buildings filled with unsuspecting workers. In truth, the men who
carry out these savage acts serve no higher goal than their own desire for
power. They accept no God before themselves. And they reserve a special
hatred for the most ardent defenders of liberty, including Americans and
Israelis.

    And that is why the founding charter of Hamas calls for the
“elimination” of Israel. And that is why the followers of Hezbollah chant
“Death to Israel, Death to America!” That is why Osama bin Laden teaches
that “the killing of Jews and Americans is one of the biggest duties.” And
that is why the President of Iran dreams of returning the Middle East to
the Middle Ages and calls for Israel to be wiped off the map.

    There are good and decent people who cannot fathom the darkness in
these men and try to explain away their words. It’s natural, but it is
deadly wrong. As witnesses to evil in the past, we carry a solemn
responsibility to take these words seriously. Jews and Americans have seen
the consequences of disregarding the words of leaders who espouse hatred.
And that is a mistake the world must not repeat in the 21st century.

   Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists
and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have
been wrong all along. We have heard this foolish delusion before. As Nazi
tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: “Lord, if
I could only have talked to Hitler, all this might have been avoided.” We
have an obligation to call this what it is — the false comfort of
appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history. (Applause.)

How about that?

Okay. First of all, the text as presented here is not what Bush said. He said “genius” in the last quoted paragraph above, not “ingenious.” Check the audio if you don’t believe me. But that’s a minor thing. Check out that weak-ass “Some seem to believe” construction. Can this man say anything straight? If you have a problem with a single person’s argument, call that person out. Don’t pull this passive shit of “some think” or “some believe” or “there are those who say.” That bullshit doesn’t fly in high school essays. Shouldn’t we expect better from our President? Also, the Senator who Bush quoted?He was a Republican. From Idaho. You know, the “real” America. And, finally, WHAT THE FUCK? You’re going to the Knesset to compare an American Presidential candidate’s to strategy to the appeasement of Adolf Fucking Hitler? I’m kind of shocked they didn’t give him the bum’s rush right there. Way to a) demean the political process of your own country and b) beamazingly insulting to your hosts. There’s no fucking way al-Qaeda, or Hamas, or Iran pose a threat to anyone similar to the way Germany menaced its neighbors in the late 1930’s. Germany was one of the most powerful states in the world at that time. Iran is a weak, weak country. Hamas only has a pseudo-state. And al-Qaeda? They got nothin’ in terms of ability to destroy another state. The entities listed above certainly do not pose a genocidal threat to Israeli Jews, irrespective of public bluster to that effect. You just can’t compare the experience of European Jews in the 1930’s and 1940’s to Israeli Jews today. Last I checked, there was no IDF in Europe in the mid-20th century. Let’s recap: the State of Israel was founded, in large part, because of the desire of Jews to have a state (and a military) so that the events of the Holocaust could not be repeated. There’s no WAY some punk motherfucker living in a cave is gonna be able to have a genocidal impact on the modern Israeli state. 

And, as for negotiating, it’s what the Israelis (and the Americans) have to do with hostile countries. I mean, I don’t recall us invading and conquering the Soviet Union, do you? I seem to remember summits and treaties, even though there was definite hostility between East & West. And, as I’m sure you realize, those thousands and thousands of nuclear warheadsdid pose an existential threat to us back then. 

So Bush goes to a different country to, in his bullshit passive-agressive way, call out a member of a rival political party back home. So much for “politics ends at the water’s edge,” huh?

Now we get to the important part: My suggestions.

1. Fight back. Amazingly, the Democrats actually are pushing back on this. In the past, my party has kind of meekly accepted bullshit like this, hoping that people would see it for what it is and, on their own, dismiss it as crap. Well, people do tend to dismiss the dumb-ass rhetoric (except for the fucking dittoheads, and there’s not much you can do about them). What they don’t dismiss is watching someone get punched in the face and then do nothing about it. When someone hits you in the nose, you don’t stand there waiting for an apology. You kick that motherfucker right in the nuts, then crush his nose with an uppercut while he’s doubled over in pain. And that’s the kind of shit that will win you the votes of people whothink the Republicans represent strength, but don’t see through their charade to just how fucking weak they are.
2. When confronting bullshit, use language appropriate to the material you’re dealing with. Senator Clinton, even though I appreciate her statement, called Bush’s remarks “offensive and outrageous.” (Which, by the way, is the same phrase she used when talking about Rev. Jeremiah Wright.) C’mon, Senator. Don’t stop there. Say “offensive, outrageous, andfuckin stupid. Does the President really think we can’t tell the difference between some sorry motherfucker in a cave, or some douchebag wearing ill-fitting sports coats, and Adolf Fucking Hitler? Hey, George, here’s a news flash: We’re not as stupid as you, you fuck.” I mean, when your opponent goes Godwin on you, it’s time to hammer the shit out of him or her for being an idiot. Somehow, Joe Biden seems to understand a little bit of this point. Good on him. And that’s not something you’ll hear me say very often.

Now, there are some (heh heh) who will say that this crude language only cheapens our discourse. To them I say: Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. The word “fuck” doesn’t poison our discourse. But comparing your political opponents’ strategy to appeasing Hitler, especially when speaking in front of the Israeli parliament, does. And before you can say “MoveOn had an ad where they compared Bush to Hitler,” shut your fucking trap. First of all, that’s not what happened. Second, even if it had, MoveOn is not an elected fucking official of the United States of America. It’s certainly not the most prominent elected official in the entire fucking country. 

So, to George Bush, and his speechwriters, we say: Fuck you, you fuckin’ fucks.