folks think that their friends are perverts out to destroy the world,
they’re probably pretty shitty friends anyway.
So it’s done. If you have a friend who’s gay, it doesn’t get you off
the hook anymore. You still have to take responsibility for your
beliefs, actions, and words. And if you can’t do that, then your
friends are putting up with a lot of crap from you, and you should just
be grateful that you have any friends.
This movement isn’t about people being friends. It’s about autonomy,
safety, and equality, but definitely not making friends. And if you’re
flapping your mouth about the sinfulness of a group of people, and that
group of people is getting shot down in the streets, you really need to
look up the definition of friendship in the dictionary. Because you’re
doing it wrong.
This is the problem with the whole “love the ‘sinner'” stance a lot of fundies have adopted in order to not look like hateful bigots anymore. Love isn’t that kind of snide condescension. Love isn’t a platitude and it isn’t a statement and it isn’t even an expression. You can sit around all you want, feel warm and fuzzy and get that sensation that your chest is about to burst and jump up and down with joy and smile until your face splits in half. That isn’t love. That’s not even close to love, so stop thinking it gets you out of anything.
Love is action. Love is work. Love is DOING STUFF. Love is picking somebody up at the airport, bringing somebody a beer, sending somebody a care package, wrapping somebody up in a blanket, even though with every fiber of your being you’d rather be doing something else, even though you’re too tired and there’s good TV on andgod damn it’s too cold to go out and get you half and half for your coffee just drink the goddamn milk already.
Love is resisting every urge to be an asshole and treating someone else with great and good care. Love is listening to someone even though you have your own stuff going on. Love is letting someone get away with something you could make a big deal out of. Love is not letting someone get away with something even though you could. Love is posting bail. Love is calling the doctor.
Love is cooking dinner. Love is doing the dishes. Love is showing up at the party. Love is taking the pet to the vet. Love is picking up the phone. Love is grocery shopping. Love islaundry. Love is changing the oil. Love is scraping all the snow off the car even though you’re not the one driving it that day. Love is vacuuming.
And feeling something gets you off the hook for exactly zero. “But I love you” doesn’t mean shit. Love is what you do. Love is how you act. And if you act hatefully toward someone, if you demean him and punish him and strip him of his rights, if you say that you don’t want for him the same protection — much less the same joys — that you have, you don’t love him. I can tell that from your actions. I don’t care how youfeel.
A.