Keep in mind that I have the best insurance possible in our system, a fact for which I am grateful every single day. This is a conversation that took place in my doctor’s office at 6:15 this morning:
“You have a balance here of X dollars.”
“I sent in a check for that. You sent the bill to my house.”
“Do you have a copy of it?”
“The check?”
“The bill.”
“No. I don’t generally drag my household files around in my purse.”
“Do you know when you sent the check in?”
“Not off the top of my head.”
“Do you have your checkbook with you?”
“No.”
*puzzled look*
“I didn’t think I needed it.”
“Would you like to pay the balance now?”
“I sent a check in so that I wouldn’t have to pay it here.”
“Yes, but we’re not showing we received it, so …”
“So I should pay the same bill twice and trust you to mark it as a credit when the check does finally show up?”
“Well …”
“I know this isn’t your fault and I don’t mean to be bitchy, but: Last month I paid the balance here and then got a bill in the mail, so this month I paid the bill in the mail and now I have a balance here. Something is clearly not working right and I don’t know what it is, and quite frankly I doubt I could solve it if I did. It sounds like the computer that sends out your bills and the computer that prints out the bills that you give me when I show up here need to maybe go to counseling or something. Whatever. The point is that as usual by this point in the paycheck waiting period, I won’t have any money to give you until I get paid on Friday. On Friday, you will get your money if it doesn’t arrive by then. Now that I’ve had to explain that in front of an entire office full of people presumably judging me as a cheapskate or at least as a pain in the ass, can you understand why I’d prefer you just send the bills to my house and I’ll pay them there without the scrutiny of a dozen strangers and you looking at me like I’m a very naughty child doing this on purpose to make your life difficult?”
“Yes.”
“Cool. Can you do the blood draw from my hand? The bruises don’t show as easily there. Last month when you kept using my arm my co-workers suspected me of IV drug use.”
A.