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Wanted: Allison Hantschel, a.k.a. Athenae
Crime: Attempted Homicide
Details: Ms. Hantschel has repeatedly used the Internet to attempt to murder journalism. See the above screen shot for details. If you see Ms. Hantschel, consider her smart-alecky and dangerous. The very future of the Republic depends on stopping her murderous rampage.
p>No, seriously. Look at that shot. There’s what, one news item there? CNN basically wins the Stupid Olympics with this. In fact, they take all the medals. The only thing it’s missing is more tut-tutting about that ill-mannered Serena Williams. On their front page, they give space to asshole “pastor” Steven Anderson, who will fearlessly rush to any nearby microphone and proclaim that God hates Barack Obama. Which is kind of funny, really. I figured that, if God hated you, he’d KEEP YOU FROM BECOMING PRESIDENT.
What a total waste of space. Seriously, there are four links to Kanye West. By the way, who gives a fuck about what happens at the fucking MTV video awards? I wasn’t even aware that that bullshit still went on. Now that I know that fact, it leads to the following questions: When in the fuck did MTV become a stodgy, protocol-driven entity? Doesn’t this channel pride itself on being “edgy,” whatever the fuck that means? Way to keep that ass-kicking rebellious spirit alive, MTV. And, really, are people this bent out of shape about a breach of decorum at a goddamn cable TV awards show?
There are another four links to tell us that Patrick Swayze died, as if that guy’s deserving of a hagiography. I know some of you likedDirty Dancing orGhost, but let’s be honest–those are some pretty crappy films. At any rate, it’s hardly front-page news.
Other than the story about a military incursion in another country, one that we currently aren’t at war with, there’s no goddamn substantive news there. Look, if you wanna be the National Enquirer, be the National Enquirer. You wanna do news, do news. But don’t try both. First, you’re never gonna out-tabloid the tabloids, okay? Second, if you try, you don’t get to act like you’re a respectable institution. Pick one or the other.
Now, if I were to put on my content-analyst hat, what would I see?
Four puff pieces about a dead actor with a mediocre resume, two things about the Kennedy family that are not related to policy at all, some shit about Prince Harry, and six stories about Black people behaving badly.
Hmm.
Hmm.
What could possibly drive that coverage?
Honestly, I’m shocked that they didn’t include Serena Williams in their daily roundup of Black people who don’t know their places.
Now, before any of you tell me that I’m being “too PC” (which you wouldn’t say to my face, because I’d punch you in the throat for saying something stupid), think about it. Do we get this upset over white folks’ breaches of manners? There was a lot of talk about dumbass Joe Wilson, buthe called the President of the United States a liar on live national TV. What’s the probability that, of all the poorly-behaved white people out there, none of them would make headlines the same way a few Black people would?
Yeah, there’s no racism anymore. Keep believing that.