This is more of a “lifetime achievement award” than anything else. The Florida Gator QB hasn’t committed any acts of heinous malakatude of late but I may not have him to kick around much longer so I tagged him and he’s it. Besides, the SEC Championship between two of my least favorite SEC football powerhouses, Florida and Alabama is this weekend. Atlanta is about to be invaded by drunken frat boys, douchebags, good ole boys and malakas. Unfortunately for NOLA, the loser is likely to play in the Sugar Bowl so we’ll be putting up with them soon enough. The Florida fans are *slightly* less awful than the Bama faithful but it’s a race to the bottom at best…
Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, Tim Tebow. He’s a great college football player but some of thepaens to his “character”and his overt religiosity creep me out. What kind of jerk wears biblical verses under his eyes? Tim Tebow, Heisman Trophy winning malaka, that’s who.
Tebow is the only college age man I’ve ever heard of who brags about being a virgin. Talk about malakatude. When I heard that, I got in touch with my inner teenybopper and thought TMI. Shut the fuck up, Timbo. You could have just said “no comment” to the dipshit reporter who asked you if you were saving yourself for marriage:
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Of course, Timbo was probably worried about Jehovah raining down fire on him or something like that. Oops, I forgot he’s a frakking role model. I’ve never understood why people think jocks are worthy role models. Of course, it could explain why fans of Babe Ruth ate too many hot dogs, drank too much beer and made far too many passes at girls with or without glasses. Willie Mays was my boyhood hero but when I met him, he was polite but querulous. I *still* think he was the best ballplayer I ever saw but a role model? I think not.
Let’s see what else about malaka Tim Tebow bugs the living shit out of me? Oh yeah, there’s the creepy nature ofCBS sportscaster Verne Lundquist’s man crush on him. Verne positively gushes when he mentions the name Tim Tebow, I suspect he wets himself as well. Yo, Lundquist, what the hell kind of Scandinavian are you? You should be nodding and saying, “Oh jah, he’s pretty good.” Instead you sound like his prom date or something. Sheesh. Have some dignity, man.
p>Speaking of undignified sycophancy, there’s a web site dedicated to Tebow’s awesome godlike qualities calledTebowisms. It came up on the google as the repository (suppository?) of Tebow jokes but instead informs us that it’s dedicated to the greatness of Tim Tebow who is apparently not only Jor-El’s son but is invulnerable to Kryptonite too. I guess he’s saving himself for Lois Lane. Yikes.
I, for one, am thrilled that Tim Tebow’s reign as a college football superstar is nearly over. The only problem with rooting against Florida in the SEC Championship Game is that it would be indirectly rooting forCosby sweater wearing Crimson Tide Coach Nick Saban, which could get me in deep shit with the rabid Sabanophobes in the Gret Stet. I guess I’ll punt instead of going for it on 4th and 1.
Finally, it will be interesting to see Tebow take his bible thumping ways to the NFL. I look forward to seeing three 350 pound fat guys sitting on his head. The jury is still out on Tebow as a professional. I think he’ll either be the second coming of Steve Young (the only liberal Mormon not named Udall) or the nextBobby Douglasswho was also a big lug like Timmy. Douglass was a great running QB who played for Da Bears and completed 43% of his passes in a 10 year career, which included a brief stint with the Saints.
My money’s on Tebow being the next Douglass. Am I sure of that? What the hell do I know? But I know one thing for certain: Tim Tebow not only oozes unctuous religiosity but malakatude as well.