Here’s a note to all the soon-to-be professors out there, especially those of them who seem to come from professional fields and use their long careers as cache to take these jobs:
A classroom full of 20-something young women is NOT a smorgasbord of pussy for you to enjoy.
(I would have made this gender neutral, but it seems as though most of these things involve middle aged men and their Viagra-tuned cocks. My apologies to all the women-folk out there who might be thinking, “So I can fuck the captain of the football team? That’s cool, right?” The answer remains FUCK NO.)
UNC had to fire its recently hired head of their special innovative, digital, special, super, online, wave-of-the-future newsroom after he was schtuping a college student. If I had a dollar for everyone of these cases, I’d buy an official First-Draft flying car and use it to travel the country so I could find these assholes and beat the shit out of them.
For every one of these dickheads are 100 or more good, honest, decent professors who look at their students like they are androgynous blobs. In my world, if these students have sex glands, I surely don’t want to know and couldn’t care less about how they are applied. I certainly don’t want them applied to me.
However, every time this comes up, those 100 or more find themselves cringing more than a bit. Was this comment too off the cuff? Was I accidentally staring at someone? Did I do something wrong? The answer is no, but paranoia is a funny thing: you tend to get it when something isn’t overt.
I had a kid in class one year who had to keep missing school to testify against her former track coach. Seems a 35-year-old guy had a thing for 16-year-old girls and he kept texting them. When she’d tell me stories, I’d listen politely, but I wanted to cut this guy’s balls off. I also had trouble when I had to interact with her. It was something that’s hard to describe.
Maybe we need stronger laws. Maybe we need better people. Maybe we need to pour saltpeter into the punch bowl at faculty mixers. Whatever it is, we need something.
For my part, I’ll be looking to start up my own Internet project. You can access it atwww.keepyourfuckinghandsoffthekidsyouareteachingasshole.com
Should be fairly successful.