I finally got around to seeing Star Trek: Into Darkness on Sunday. I avoided it the first week because I hate being put in the dread pre-show queue pen. I’m not crazy about long lines to begin with but being cooped up with Kliingons, Ferenghis, and Cardassians gives me the willies. The Bajorans, however, are all right…
The other reason for my reluctance is JJ Abrams’ stated dislike of the franchise he now helms. He is, obviously, entitled to his opinion but kicking the fan base makes no sense whatsoever. It’s kind of like the Beltway Borg Collective’s love for pols who bash their own supporters. I hope that Abrams doesn’t trash the Star Wars Borg Collective or he’ll be wrasslin’ with Wookies and locked in a closet with Jar Jar Bloody Binks who will annoy him to death…
On to the movie itself. I didn’t like the first act because it was confusing and more like a standard action film than anything else. Also, Abrams tends to use Star Trek lore when it suits him and disregards it the rest of the time. For example, the prime directive wouldn’t bar Kirk from saving a planet. That’s as goofy as Simon Pegg’s accent as Scotty.
More importantly, KLINGONS DO NOT WEAR HELMETS. I nearly resorted to an exclamation point but all caps will suffice. Your basic Klingon would feel like a pussy for strapping on a helmet. Plus, the only Klingon we saw wasn’t butt ugly enough. Klingons should make Joe Torre look like George Clooney. Another big problem with the scene was the Enterprise warning the super villain before landing on the planet, all that did was alert the pussy helmet wearing Klingons who were then slaughtered. Repeat after me: KLINGONS DO NOT WEAR HELMETS.
Okay, now that I’ve rubbished the first half of the movie, the second half was a pretty darn exciting space action flick. It even struck some appropriately Trekkie moments but even then its disconnection from the Star Trek universe is jarring. Hardcore buffs/fans/geeks know that the reason the Vulcans are so cold and logical, logical, logical is that they are boiling cauldrons of emotion and if they let loose they make Klingons look like choir boys.
I guess I’m feeling adamant because I’ve been rewatching The Next Generation on DVD, and doing my Worf impression to enhance the experience. It scares the cats but I like it.
Anyway, I give the movie a B for a strong second half but at the risk of being repetitive: KLINGONS DO NOT WEAR HELMETS. They do, however, listen to War:
