One of the many things I loved about the Toy Story movies was the voice casting of one of my comedic heroes, Don Rickles, as the voice of Mr. Potatohead. When I heard about the latest dumbshit gun nut story, I heard the voice of Mr. Warmth calling everyone involved hockey pucks. I’d use stronger language but Rickles “works clean” as they say in the Borscht Belt.
Anyway, here’s the story that’s shocked even me with its egregious malakatude and hockey puckery:
An Idaho lawmaker who had his concealed weapon permit revoked for lying about a long-ago guilty plea to rape can still legally carry a gun because his state exempts elected officials from the permit law.
State Rep. Mark Patterson (R-Boise) had his permit revoked after the Ada County sheriff discovered the lawmaker had lied twice, in 2007 and 2012, on his permit application by failing to disclose a 1974 guilty plea for assault with intent to commit rape in Florida.
Patterson said the plea deal, which resulted in withheld judgment, was the result of a “bizarre encounter” with a 46-year-old woman he claims “fabricated the incident because she was angry that I would not give her money.”
Patterson puts the bozo into Boise with his surreal and totally incredible explanation. Patterson is an Idaho Paulite who at least skipped the stock Senator Aqua Buddha excuse about a misspent youth. It’s astonishing, however, that this lying sack of potatoes is allowed to keep toting a gun because of an archaic, arcane, and are you kidding me law. It’s vestige of the Old West when men were men and Calamity Jane and Al Swearingen called their enemies cocksuckers, at least on Deadwood. Al and Jane *never* worked clean. (Yeah, I know the law was passed in 1990, but it’s more fun to go all Doc Holiday and Wyatt Earp on your asses.)
In classic teabagger fashion, Patterson accused the local constabulary and eebil media of being out to get him:
Patterson accused the sheriff and Idaho Statesman reporter Dan Popkey of “a bare-knuckled campaign to intimidate me from serving the people of Idaho.”
“This whole thing is to silence me,” Patterson said.
Sheriff Gary Raney dismissed the lawmaker’s claims.
“The questions that Mr. Patterson raises and the allegations he makes are irrelevant to the fact that he lied on his initial application and his renewal application,” the sheriff said. “That and only that is the reason for our actions.”
Patterson appears ready to lie his way out of this, which is what wingnuts do nowadays. He’s also packing a rod so who’s gonna get in his face? Plus, the NRA will see to it that’s there’s no modification of the law exempting elected officials from background checks, which means that Patterson’s lie isn’t perjury. In a saner world, the voters would throw a pistol packing pol with a rape conviction out of office but when it comes to firearms our country is barking, howling mad.
I suspect that the people of Idaho would prefer going back to being known as the home of Harmon KIllebrew and famous potatoes instead of potatoheaded pols like Mark Patterson. Hmm, I wonder if he takes a wide stance like former Senator Larry Craig? I’m not sure what that means in this context, but how could I write about Idaho and not mention Senator Wide Stance?
That is all.