In 2019 and 2020, I wrote a series of posts called Donald Trump Is. I called the Insult Comedian a criminal, racist, misogynist, mentally ill, and a loser. All of those epithets still hold but this post brings those elements together in what passes for an explanation of who and what Donald John Trump is.
Repeat after me: Donald Trump Is A Fuck Up.
You’re probably asking yourself: If he’s a fuck up how could he get elected president? That’s down to the electorate who fell for Trump’s flim-flammery. Trump was not, however, the first fuck up to be elected president: George W Bush is another. Trump may not be the first, but he’s clearly the worst.
There are many varieties of fuck ups. Some fuck ups know they’re fuck ups; others wrongly think they’re awesome. The Kaiser of Chaos belongs to the second category. He’s a walking, talking oxymoron: an insecure and needy egomaniac. He also puts the moron in oxymoron, an old but effective joke.
- Who other than a fuck up would fail at running a casino?
- Who other than a fuck up would come up with a triumphal arch that celebrates themselves?
- Who other than a fuck up would obsess over a fakakta ballroom that nobody else wants?
- Who other than a fuck up would stay up all night sharing crapola AI memes on social media?
- Who other than a fuck up would confuse their political strength within their own party with overall popularity?
- Who other than a fuck up would turn the country upside down because they can’t admit losing an election?
- Who other than a fuck up would run on issues like releasing the Epstein Files and affordability then call them scams after winning?
- Who other than a fuck up would crash a strong economy with tariffs and war mongering?
- Who other than a fuck up would start a war then lose interest in it?
- Who other than a fuck up would surround themselves with sycophants, then be shocked that shit is fucked up?
I could go on and on with the “who other than a fuck up” shtick, but you catch my drift: Donald Trump Is A Fuck Up. He may be a lucky fuck up but he’s a fuck up, nonetheless.
The Insult Comedian epitomizes failing upward. He was born at the top, but his father was a crude Queens slum lord who was looked down upon by wealthy Manhattanites. He spent years seeking their approval and acceptance. It didn’t come with his Eighties celebrity or aughties reality show fame. Acceptance by the so-called best people didn’t come until he was elected president a second time on a platform of tax cuts for the mega-rich. Trump had to bribe them into accepting him. Oy, just oy.
Repeat after me: Donald Trump Is A Fuck Up.
The post title takes me back. In my debut post for First Draft in 2009, I said this:
The only thing that gave me pause about joining the First Draft krewe is that I don’t say fuck as much as Athenae or Jude. Once I was assured that there wasn’t a quota I said: what the fuck, why the fuck not?”
As in that post, it’s time to swear like a Greek sailor and give the last word to Warren Zevon:
