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White House Rejects Generous Republican Offer to Shoot All the Hostages

Why so mean, White House?

The White House rejected a Republican plan to reopen portions of the U.S. government on Tuesday as the first shutdown in 17 years closed landmarks like the Statue of Liberty and threw hundreds of thousands of federal employees out of work.

The quick dismissal offered no sign that President Barack Obama and Republicans can soon end a standoff over health care that has sidelined everything from trade negotiations to medical research and raised new concerns about Congress’s ability to perform its most basic duties.

Cover it that way, I mean, with “Congress” as the problem and Republicans making offers, well, you could say Republicans have been making the president these offers since 2008. All he had to do was admit he was an illegitimate Muslim Kenyan Communist and resign from office, and they’d stop being so utterly fucking crazy.

That would have ended the “standoff.”

I thought we were at least a few hours away from the “is this over yet” genre of political reporting, but apparently stuff moves fast now. Can we be more than a day from story fatigue?

A.

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