White House Rejects Generous Republican Offer to Shoot All the Hostages

Why so mean, White House?

The White House rejected a Republican plan to reopen portions of the U.S. government on Tuesday as the first shutdown in 17 years closed landmarks like the Statue of Liberty and threw hundreds of thousands of federal employees out of work.

The quick dismissal offered no sign that President Barack Obama and Republicans can soon end a standoff over health care that has sidelined everything from trade negotiations to medical research and raised new concerns about Congress’s ability to perform its most basic duties.

Cover it that way, I mean, with “Congress” as the problem and Republicans making offers, well, you could say Republicans have been making the president these offers since 2008. All he had to do was admit he was an illegitimate Muslim Kenyan Communist and resign from office, and they’d stop being so utterly fucking crazy.

That would have ended the “standoff.”

I thought we were at least a few hours away from the “is this over yet” genre of political reporting, but apparently stuff moves fast now. Can we be more than a day from story fatigue?

A.

4 thoughts on “White House Rejects Generous Republican Offer to Shoot All the Hostages

  1. m says:

    How to fix it.
    “Obama: The GOP crazy train shut down the government. As CinC I have ordered ALL airports to be shut down within 24 hours, so all the money can go to the Pentagon. If you are stuck in some one horse town other than that in which you live, blame The House Teabaggers.
    Starting at midnight, ALL broadcast television and radio is shut down, because the government (which controls the PUBLIC airwaves) has no money, so Rush won’t be paid for not being on the air.
    The internet shuts down 1 hour later.”
    I guarantee the Teabaggers will cave, and it’s perfectly legal!

  2. MapleStreet says:

    One of the funniest scenes I remember from Blazing Saddles was when the mob wanted to lynch the sheriff but the sheriff held his gun on himself and acted as a desperado telling the crowd to back off or he would shoot the sheriff.
    It was funny then. I’m not laughing a lot as I think of parallels of the House as an unruly mob determined to politically shoot the sheriff / prez because he is black.
    And it makes more sense than a lot of what is coming out of congress that Obama pull the same ploy.

  3. Snarki, child of Loki says:

    “We worked out a deal with the Chinese, who are holding billions of dollars worth of Treasury Bonds that we won’t be able to pay because the GOP is stalling on the debt limit.
    As a result, at midnight tonight, agents of the Chinese Communist government will be fanning out across the South to repossess the Hoverounds of Medicare recipients.
    Sucks to be you, teabaggers”

  4. MichaelF says:

    Agree with m on shutting down the FCC…no daily fix of Lamebaugh, Hannity, et al, and the wingers would howl even louder than normal and demand that the government fix it…on a related note, ideological consistency isn’t exactly their strong suit (see, Medicare, get the government out of it)…

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