Some people learn from their mistakes and don’t repeat them. Others keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Then there are those who cloak their malefactions as mistakes. And that is why Judge Aileen Cannon is malaka of the week. She’s one of the cloakers.
When the Trump-A-Lago case was assigned to her, I hoped that Cannon had learned from being slapped down by Eleventh Circuit during her first foray into the purloined papers case. Judges typically HATE being reversed and prefer to keep their docket moving briskly. Aileen Cannon isn’t your typical judge.
Judge Cannon’s latest move to slow down the Florida is surprisingly subtle. She rejected Jack Smith’s motion for a scheduling hearing next month and set a March 1, 2024 date for that hearing. The trial is currently slated for May 2024. This subtle shift makes it unlikely that the case will be tried on schedule because of the extra hoops litigants must jump through in any case involving classified material. This delay benefits only one side, Team Trump. Anyone surprised? I thought not.
In her rulings and comments, Judge Cannon has been consistently snarky towards Team Smith and solicitous of Team Trump. Other Trump appointed judges have ruled against him but Cannon’s attachment to the Kaiser of Chaos seems rooted in authority worship. In the 2022 case she presided over, she accepted the un-American notion that presidents are above the law because they’re too busy and important to go to court. Let’s call it the Nixon Corollary:
Under current DOJ guidelines, that should only be the case while they’re still in office instead of touring the country, making threats, and spreading falsehoods on the ironically named Truth social media. The Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian calls it free speech, I call it stirring the pot, hoping for an explosion.
The explosion has yet to happen, but not for want of trying. Trump has issued the MAGA equivalent of a fatwa against three former senior associates Generals Milley, Kelly, and Barr. For Muslims, a fatwa is a license to kill issued by a religious leader, most memorably by Ayatollah Khomeini against novelist Salman Rushdie. That’s right, folks: I just compared Trump to Khomeini. The news takes some strange turns, and this is one of the strangest. Of course, Trump would look better with a turban atop his head instead of that ragged nutria pelt.
Back to Judge Cannon’s authority worship. It seems inspired by her Colombian roots. I was under the impression that MAGA Maggots mindlessly hated immigrants, but they’ve made an exception in Cannon’s case.
Cannon’s authority worship validates one of Charlie Pierce’s nicknames for Trump, El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago. Caudillo means boss in Spanish and has been applied in the past to such Latin dictators as Franco, Peron, and Pinochet. Talk about bad company and I’m not referring to the rock band:
I hate to give Judge Cannon any credit, but her scheduling ruling is so subtle that it should hold up on appeal. That goes for a possible recusal motion as well. My fellow lapsed lawyer David Kurtz agrees:
I’m not an expert in CIPA or criminal or appellate procedure, but it sure looks like Cannon has done this in a way that will make appealing it virtually impossible at this stage. In short, we may be stuck with Cannon and these awful, compromised decisions.
I skipped the usual invective directed at Cannon’s malakatude in this post. I like to keep things fresh: I was pleased to find another picture of her, the official portrait has gotten stale. The featured image is of Cannon Zooming into her confirmation hearing. It’s the only time I’ll use her name and zoom in the same sentence. The Federal Courts in Florida usually move so rapidly that it’s called a rocket docket. Cannon’s docket moves at a slug’s pace and leaves a trail of slime behind. So much for skipping invective.
Judge Cannon seems to be the cure for what’s Aileen former President* Pennywise. The good news is that there are criminal cases filed against Defendant Trump elsewhere. The bad news is that any delay benefits Team Trump. And that is why Judge Aileen Cannon is malaka of the week.
The last word goes to Foghat:
