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Mitt Romney Wins It All

Obama wants to attack success, because success is forthe French and their faculty lounges:

Free enterprise has done more to lift people out of poverty, to help build a strong middle class, to help educate our kids, and to make our lives better, than all of the government programs put together.

Free enterprise built the Hoover Dam and desegregated schools, not to mention winning World War II! Was there ever anything so inspiring as Blackwater’s storming of Omaha Beach?

If we become one of those societies that attack success, one outcome is certain – there will be a lot less success.

Success being a notoriously fragile thing, susceptible to vaporizing the minute someone on TV says something mean. For what it’s worth, though, I agree we need to start attacking failure harder. Let’s start with the Bush tax cuts and work our way up from there.

Regulations are necessary, but they must be continuously updated, streamlined, and modernized.

They must synergize and colonize and enterprise their way to winning! Also, modernization is whatever makes it easier to put chemicals in the water supply that make it light on fire, because of freedom.

Workers should have the right to form unions, but unions should not be forced upon them. And unions should not have the power to take money out of their members’ paychecks to buy the support of politicians favored by the union bosses.

Unions shouldn’t have the power to do anything really, but we’ll let you call yourselves a union, because it’s a nice word and there aren’t enough words that have u’s in them.

Out-of-touch liberals like Barack Obama say they want a strong economy, but they really don’t like businesses very much. But the economy is simply the product of all the nation’s businesses added together. So it’s like saying you love omelets but don’t like eggs.

FREEDOM BACON FOREVER!

Tonight, I’m asking the good people of Connecticut, Delaware, New York, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island to join me. Join me in the next step toward that destination of November 6th, when across America we can give a sigh of relief and know that the Promise of America has been kept. The dreamers can dream a little bigger, the help wanted signs can be dusted off, and we can start again.

And this time we’ll get it right.

All those other Republican presidencies? Dry runs. A few thousand war dead? Practice. Double-digit unemployment? Rehearsal. This time we won’t piss it all away. We promise. Really. For real. This time.

We’ll stop the days of apologizing for success at home and never again apologize for America abroad.

We will have no success to apologize for, when Mitt Romney is president! We’ll run over your dog and piss on its tombstone at the pet cemetery!

There was a time – not so long ago – when each of us could walk a little taller and stand a little straighter because we had a gift that no one else in the world shared.

We walked up to other countries and we slapped them with our dicks! And they liked it!

We were Americans. That meant something different to each of us, but it meant something special to all of us. We knew it without question. And so did the world.

Those days are coming back. That’s our destiny. Join me. And take another step every day until November 6th.

We believe in America. We believe in ourselves. Our greatest days are still ahead. We are, after all, Americans!

I don’t know what Romney’s people paid to have George Lucas write this shit, but he’s really phoning it in these days.

A.

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