Mitt Romney Wins It All

Obama wants to attack success, because success is forthe French and their faculty lounges:

Free enterprise has done more to lift people out of poverty, to help build a strong middle class, to help educate our kids, and to make our lives better, than all of the government programs put together.

Free enterprise built the Hoover Dam and desegregated schools, not to mention winning World War II! Was there ever anything so inspiring as Blackwater’s storming of Omaha Beach?

If we become one of those societies that attack success, one outcome is certain – there will be a lot less success.

Success being a notoriously fragile thing, susceptible to vaporizing the minute someone on TV says something mean. For what it’s worth, though, I agree we need to start attacking failure harder. Let’s start with the Bush tax cuts and work our way up from there.

Regulations are necessary, but they must be continuously updated, streamlined, and modernized.

They must synergize and colonize and enterprise their way to winning! Also, modernization is whatever makes it easier to put chemicals in the water supply that make it light on fire, because of freedom.

Workers should have the right to form unions, but unions should not be forced upon them. And unions should not have the power to take money out of their members’ paychecks to buy the support of politicians favored by the union bosses.

Unions shouldn’t have the power to do anything really, but we’ll let you call yourselves a union, because it’s a nice word and there aren’t enough words that have u’s in them.

Out-of-touch liberals like Barack Obama say they want a strong economy, but they really don’t like businesses very much. But the economy is simply the product of all the nation’s businesses added together. So it’s like saying you love omelets but don’t like eggs.

FREEDOM BACON FOREVER!

Tonight, I’m asking the good people of Connecticut, Delaware, New York, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island to join me. Join me in the next step toward that destination of November 6th, when across America we can give a sigh of relief and know that the Promise of America has been kept. The dreamers can dream a little bigger, the help wanted signs can be dusted off, and we can start again.

And this time we’ll get it right.

All those other Republican presidencies? Dry runs. A few thousand war dead? Practice. Double-digit unemployment? Rehearsal. This time we won’t piss it all away. We promise. Really. For real. This time.

We’ll stop the days of apologizing for success at home and never again apologize for America abroad.

We will have no success to apologize for, when Mitt Romney is president! We’ll run over your dog and piss on its tombstone at the pet cemetery!

There was a time – not so long ago – when each of us could walk a little taller and stand a little straighter because we had a gift that no one else in the world shared.

We walked up to other countries and we slapped them with our dicks! And they liked it!

We were Americans. That meant something different to each of us, but it meant something special to all of us. We knew it without question. And so did the world.

Those days are coming back. That’s our destiny. Join me. And take another step every day until November 6th.

We believe in America. We believe in ourselves. Our greatest days are still ahead. We are, after all, Americans!

I don’t know what Romney’s people paid to have George Lucas write this shit, but he’s really phoning it in these days.

A.

7 thoughts on “Mitt Romney Wins It All

  1. armored goldfish says:

    You’d think with all his money, he’d have a tougher ego when it comes to economic criticisms.
    “Why are you meanie heads saying that running companies into the ground for more money is bad?!”

  2. Jay in Oregon says:

    We’ll stop the days of apologizing for success at home
    Ever get the feeling that Mitt Romney gets tired of others making him feel bad about having so much money? I suspect the programmers didn’t include a subroutine for shame or humility; maybe in the next iteration.
    Those comments about knowing people who own sports teams, or liking firing people? That’s the real Mitt Romney. And all of the people blasting him for being rich and out-of touch are going to make himblow a gasket.


  3. Gummo says:

    We walked up to other countries and we slapped them with our dicks! And they liked it!
    Congratulations, you have just summed up the entire Republican bully-nostalgia worldview in 17 words.
    Every word out of their mouths, every petty resentment of the Other, every self-pitying whine? Goes back to those 17 words.

  4. rm says:

    There was a time – not so long ago – when each of us could walk a little taller and stand a little straighter because we had a gift that no one else in the world shared.
    And that gift was white privilege. Expel the foreign body and breathe a sigh of relief! Take America back!

  5. Jay in Oregon says:

    I was reading the Wikipedia article on the Know-Nothings and I was really surprised to see how much the current Republican party resembled them.
    Just add a healthy dose of anti-Catholic bigotry (which is hard to do these days when they’re all People of Faith®™; they even have a Papist as a candidate!) and we’re back in the 1850’s again.

  6. MapleStreet says:

    rm – glad I didn’t have coffee in my mouth when I read your (very apt) post. You had me suckered in all the way to “and that gift was”

  7. pansypoo says:

    good time to pick a .001%er.

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