When I was young my mother taught me many lessons one of which was the importance of saying NO to bad ideas. Mom rarely cursed so she told me that anyone who can’t say NO when it counts is a screw up. I often curse, so I’m here to tell you that, like his boss, Todd Blanche is a fuck up.
The Insult Comedian loves yes men, sycophants, and the fulsome praise they slather on his during fake cabinet meetings. Todd Blanche sat at the table for the first time last week as his colleagues lied about the boss, the state of the economy, and pretty much everything. You say alternate reality; I say lies. Let’s call the whole thing off.
Blanche’s alleged former boss Pam Bondi threw him under, over, and around the bus in her testimony to the House Oversight Committee. I said alleged boss because the DOJ has been transformed into Donald Trump’s private law firm. He runs the show. That’s why they’re fucking up everything on cases large and small. Trump may be the fuck up in chief but it helps to have fellow fuck ups to handle the details. Donald doesn’t do details.
Pam Bondi was a fuck up and her acting successor is an even bigger fuck up. Bondi told the committee to ask Todd about the many fuck ups that occurred on her watch. What an excellent idea. Thanks, Pam.
I have some questions for Todd:
- Whose idea was it for Trump to file the fake suit that led to the slush fund?
- Whose idea was it for the Epstein Files to be covered up after Team MAGA promised transparency?
- Whose idea was it for convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell to be given special treatment?
- Whose idea was it to adopt policies so extreme that thousands of lawyers have quit the government?
- Whose idea was it to prosecute Comey in the seashells case, which has turned the DOJ into a laughing stock?
The answer to those questions is a two-fold clusterfuck: the line of authority ran from the Kaiser of Chaos to his corrupt personal lawyer, Todd Blanche. They’re both fuck ups so things went sideways as they always do for fuck ups.
Before becoming the Insult Comedian’s mouthpiece, Blanche was a respected federal prosecutor turned defense attorney, not a fuck up. His former colleagues at the Southern District of New York have described him as a competent lawyer who was so apolitical that they didn’t even know if he voted let alone for whom. Then Blanche met temptation in the form of Donald Trump who dangled riches, power, and fame in front of him. Blanche fucked up and took the bait.
Repeat after me: Everything Donald Trump touches tunes to shit.
Todd Blanche was hoping to leverage his exuberant sycophancy into removing acting from his current title. Thanks to his inability to say no to his dear leader, there’s now an excellent chance that Trump will blame all DOJ’s failures on Blanche. Trump should try looking in the mirror instead: Todd Blanche wasn’t a fuck up before working for him but he is now. It’s what happens when you make a deal with the devil and they turn out to be a fuck up.
There’s much hand wringing about permanent damage to the DOJ. The Bondi-Blanche-Trump regime has been shambolic and corrupt but so were Nixon Attorney Generals John Mitchell and Richard Kleindienst. They went to jail for their crimes, but the department they fucked up was reformed and put back on the right track. It can happen again with strong and determined leadership.
You say screw up; I say fuck up. Let’s call the whole thing off. The last word goes to Ella & Louis:
