I was surprised by how many pundits and reporters were surprised that Michael Cohen was an excellent witness. He’s been living for this moment since the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian discarded him in 2018. Sure, he’s rough around the edges but he’s a New Yorker as are the jurors. They all know mouthy and irascible guys like Cohen. It’s the local style.
Writing about the Trump porn star hush money election interference trial is frustrating because we cannot see the witnesses, jurors, and lawyers and take in the ambience of the courtroom. Each trial is different, as is each courtroom. By all accounts, Cohen was calm, composed, and contrite on the witness stand. He ended his direct testimony admitting to the dirty deeds he did for Trump and the lies he told for the boss.
Trump’s lead attorney Todd Blanche was neither calm nor composed but he might have been contrite after his client chewed him out for starting off cross-examination so poorly.
The Kaiser of Chaos has obviously rubbed off on Blanche. Donald Trump takes everything personally, so does his lawyer. Blanche opened his cross by taking umbrage at something Cohen said about him on Tik Tok: “Todd Blanche is a crying little shit.”
I am not making this up.
Blanche’s lament led to laughter in the courtroom and consternation on the part of Judge Merchan who asked, “Why are you making this about yourself?”
Blanche struggled to gain any kind of momentum after that disastrous start. The trial is about the client, not his attorney. Oy just oy.
I rather like Michael Cohen. He’s a colorful character who has a way with language. His catch phrase when asked about his Trump trash talk is, “Sounds like something I would say.”
I’ve only seen Cohen on teevee and read his first book, so I don’t know if he’s truly a changed man but he’s a helluva witness. One could even call him a professional witness at this point.
The jury does not have to like Michael Cohen. They just have to believe his story, which has been corroborated up the wazoo by both documents and previous witnesses.
The prosecution has a plausible story to tell. The defense is preposterous: Trump did not shtup Stormy and Cohen and Weisselberg cooked up the elaborate pay off scheme without telling the boss. Defendant Trump is a micro-manager and cheapskate who personally approved all spending over $500. Cohen was reimbursed a total of $420K in 12 monthly payments. Trump didn’t know? In a word: ridiculous.
Another memorable Cohenism was when the witness declared that he was “knee-deep into the cult of Donald Trump.”
So are the Republican politicians who came to court to kiss Trump’s ring. MAGA Mike Johnson aimed lower. Religiosity permeates his every public pronouncement, but the Speaker is in thrall to a crook from Queens who uses The Bible as a prop:
Check out this rogue’s gallery of Trumpy surrogates behind the barricade yesterday:
Vivek Ramaswamy and MAGA Mike are past malakas of the week as is Tommy Tuberville. I’ve somehow missed the dread JD Vance who’s in the shot below with Coach Tubs and a Greek American even my late father wouldn’t claim, US Rep. Nicole Malliotakis:
These bozos take sycophancy to a new level. They came to preen, posture, and attack former President* Pennywise’s accusers. In a word: pitiful.
It gets worse:
Wow. Andrew Rice says on MSNBC that yesterday during the trial he personally witnessed Trump "editing" and "making notations" to quotes his Republican allies made to the press. pic.twitter.com/99643vJkxN
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 15, 2024
You say micro manager, I say control freak. Let’s call the whole thing off.
I originally planned to hold off on writing about Witness Cohen until his testimony is complete. I forgot that Wednesday is the day Judge Merchan attends to other matters, so here I am. The judge gets a day off from having to listen to Todd Blanche whine and I’m writing about it while it’s fresh. Besides, a good title is a terrible thing to waste.
Repeat after me: Todd Blanche Is A Crying Little Shit.
Sounds like something I would write.
The last word goes to The Dells with a song co-written by a very young George Clinton:
