Malaka Of The Week: Speaker Mike Johnson

House Republicans were desperate, so they handed a fourth term Congressman from Shreveport, Louisiana the gavel. Mike Johnson looks like a normie but he’s Gym Jordan in a jacket with a better disposition. And that is why Speaker Mike Johnson is malaka of the week.

This is Speaker Malaka’s second time in the malakatude barrel. The first was 8 years ago when he was an extremist state rep before becoming an extremist Congressman. That’s extreme, man.

Mike Johnson is unqualified and unfit to be Speaker for many reasons. His insurrectionist activity alone should bar him from high office. I’m narrowing the focus to one of Speaker Malaka’s most repellant traits:  He’s a bigot. His bigotry takes a form that’s socially acceptable in Republican circles. The 56th Speaker of the House is a rabid homophobe.

“In editorials that ran in his local Shreveport, Louisiana, paper, The Times, Johnson called homosexuality a “inherently unnatural” and “dangerous lifestyle” that would lead to legalized pedophilia and possibly even destroy “the entire democratic system.”

And, in another editorial, he wrote, “Your race, creed, and sex are what you are, while homosexuality and cross-dressing are things you do,” he wrote. “This is a free country, but we don’t give special protections for every person’s bizarre choices.”

There’s a gay domino theory? Who knew?

The quotes come from a K-File report by CNN’s Andrew Kaczynski noted quote sleuth. If there’s an embarrassing quote out there, Team AK will  find it. Mike Johnson, however, wouldn’t be embarrassed by these quotes: He’s a proud homophobe. I’m intolerant of intolerance and bigoted against bigots even amiable ones.

Repeat after me: The new Speaker of the House is an amiable bigot.

There’s more:

“In the mid-2000s, Johnson’s anti-gay rhetoric was harsh. In September 2004, Johnson wrote in support of a Louisiana amendment banning same-sex marriage saying it could lead to people marrying their pets.

“Homosexual relationships are inherently unnatural and, the studies clearly show, are ultimately harmful and costly for everyone,” he wrote. “Society cannot give its stamp of approval to such a dangerous lifestyle. If we change marriage for this tiny, modern minority, we will have to do it for every deviant group. Polygamists, polyamorists, pedophiles, and others will be next in line to claim equal protection. They already are. There will be no legal basis to deny a bisexual the right to marry a partner of each sex, or a person to marry his pet.”

Let me get this straight. Some people marry their pets? I did not know that. I’d be afraid to ask Kitty Claire Trevor for her paw in matrimony. I’m sure she’d reject the offer, run away, and hide in a box. Her pesky kid brother Perry Mason would go for it but I’m as big on bigamy as I am on bigotry, so that’s out.

Another one from CNN’s ace quote sleuths:

“In another 2004 column, Johnson again predicted same-sex marriage could doom America.

“If you were shocked by the moral lapses at the Super Bowl you ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” Johnson wrote. “Experts project that homosexual marriage is the dark harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy that could doom even the strongest republic.”

Chaos? Anarchy? Sounds like the Dipshit Insurrection or a House Republican caucus meeting to me.

In addition to his homophobia, Speaker Malaka is an anti-abortion zealot who favors a nationwide ban. A friend of mine calls Johnson a Christo-Fascist. It’s hard to argue with that. The same goes for Jeff Landry.

I haven’t seen the first “Speaker Johnson will be good for Louisiana” piece yet in the Gret Stet media, but I know it’s coming. It’s bullshit: today’s Republicans are focused on culture war issues, not bringing home the bacon.

Mike Johnson is an amiable bigot. Bigotry with a smiling face is just as reprehensible as the snarling bigotry of Gym Jordan. I have no use for bigots. And that is why Speaker Mike Johnson is malaka of the week.

Repeat after me: The new Speaker of the House is an amiable bigot.

The last word goes to The Undisputed Truth:






3 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Speaker Mike Johnson

  1. The funny thing is that if Johnson had been the Number 2 GOP guy and Scalise been where Johnson was, it would be Scalise now as Speaker. The MAGA nuts were always going to shiv whoever was standing in the way of their preferred guy: Gym Jordan. When he flamed out, they pivoted to whoever could be their next guy and Johnson was there ready and waiting. They just had to shiv Emmer in the back.

    Basically the GOP is now run by the MAGAnuts. The inmates run the asylum.

  2. The Bible is totally down with polyamory. Patriarch Jacob had two wives (because his employer cheated him). The revered King David had a harem, as was customary in those days. He had also run away from home (as did Abraham) and likely had a bromance with his childhood friend Jonathan. Indeed, remarkably few Bible characters are solid citizens.

  3. And amiable bigot that everyone likes. Where have we seen that before? Also if I was born a creed, will Medicare pay for a Creed change? Because the archdiocese refuses to put a letter renouncing my baptismal and confirmation vows into my file. It’s apparently against Cannon law to do such a thing. And I’m executed on the minor version already so

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