Jeff Landry: Cajun DeSantis

It happened again. Every time I take a few days off, the news explodes. I missed mocking Steve Scalise’s one-day speakership because I was having too much fun to write about it. You’ve surely heard by now that Scalise’s ally, Jeff Landry, won the Gret Stet goober race without resort to a runoff.

Many were surprised but I was not. Landry is a candidate for our disordered and chaotic times as well as a past malaka of the week. His victory last Saturday guarantees his entry into the malakatude hall of fame if I ever get around to creating one. I’m low on building supplies right now: the world is never short on malakatude.

How bad is Jeff Landry? As Attorney General he sued in opposition to mask mandates and lockdowns. More sinisterly, he joined the BIG LIE litigation on behalf of his lord and master, the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian. Landry is the MAGA maggot’s MAGA maggot and as stupid as that label implies.

Landy is also a serious threat to academic freedom. I’ll write more about his tussle with LSU journalism professor and progressive rock star, Bob Mann as soon as I fully recover from the harrowing cab ride home from the airport last night. The Mann-Landry faceoff  should have tarnished Landry’s victory BUT the Goober-elect only cares about those who support him. He expects others to STFU and fall in line. Landry is so bad that he makes Bobby Jindal look like Barack Obama.

Let’s turn our attention to Jeff Landry’s love of the death penalty. I used the image of the guillotine because of our French heritage: Louisiana kills convicted murderers by means of lethal injection, not the blade.

Gret Stet executions have been on hiatus for a variety of reasons: the last execution was in 2010. Lame duck Governor John Bel Edwards went public with his opposition to capital punishment earlier this year and there’s an effort to provide clemency for Louisiana’s death row denizens. But Edwards does not have the sort of sweeping pardon power that presidents have so the process has to go to the Gret Stet pardon and parole board. Prospects for clemency grow dimmer every day. Governor-elect Landry is opposed.

Landry’s reactionary views on the death penalty tell you all you need to know about where Louisiana is headed. The state has been trending hard right for many years and Landry’s election completes this cycle of shame. He hails from Acadiana aka Cajun Country, which used to be Louisiana’s swing region but that changed out of fear of a Black president. Sad but true.

It’s hard to predict what impact Landry’s election will have on our daily lives. Judging by the records of his peers, Texas’ Greg Abbott and Florida’s Ron DeSantis, the biggest blows will fall on women, minorities, gays, and the poor. Wingnuts hate the poor almost as much as they hate liberals. I’m only one of those despised categories, so I’ll be fine. The Gret Stet of Louisiana will not be fine. Death row is unlikely to be depopulated and executions will return as soon as there’s a judicially approved method.

I used The Louse DBA Ron DeSantis as an example because our readers are familiar with his record. Landry will be just as bad if not worse. One major difference is that DeSantis is intelligent whereas Landry is a dumbass of epic proportions. The malakatude is not the only thing that burns, so does the stupid.

There’s only one way to serenade the Cajun Louse. The last word goes to Harry Nilsson: