Republicans have a fetish for unfit and unqualified business types as candidates. The latest model is a younger, smoother, and smarter version of the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian. And that is why Vivek Ramaswamy is malaka of the week.

The first Republican debate is tonight. I would rather stick needles in my eyes than watch those bozos bloviate, but I thought I should cover it without watching it. Hence this post about a candidate I knew very little about until reading John Hendrickson’s terrific profile of Vivek Ramaswamy in The Atlantic.

If you read the profile, set your bullshit detector to the maximum setting. A fact checker might come in handy as well. Vivek Ramaswamy talks about the truth while doling it out sparingly in his many media appearances. He claims to be a revolutionary when he’s just another con man with a slicker pitch than the last one.

Cue mandatory Squeeze song:

The truth is NOT Vivek Ramaswamy’s middle name; it’s his campaign slogan and mantra. Here are Malaka Vivek’s Ten Commandments Truths:

Who the hell does this guy think he is: Moses with a fossil fuel fetish?

Ramaswamy calls them truths, I call them panders. It’s a GOP wish list in concise language; something his main opponent, the Kaiser of Chaos, is incapable of. If you’re wondering what his position on the GOP frontrunner is, here’s what Malaka Vivek told John Hendrickson:

“He told me that if Trump weren’t running, “they” wouldn’t be prosecuting him. With each passing month, with each new indictment, Ramaswamy has doubled down on his public promise to pardon Trump if elected. He told me that he believes doing so would be “the right thing for the country.” He said the indictments, so far, were “obviously politically motivated.”

The 2024 Republican race is the strangest of my lifetime. The candidates have been handed a gift: a mortally wounded frontrunner who is likely to lose the general election. What have they done with this gift? They’ve thrown it away in a fit of fear, which makes them as unfit for office as the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian himself. The MSM has crushes on Chris Christie and Asa Hutchinson, but the GOP is thoroughly Trumpifed, so neither has much of a chance.

Malaka Vivek’s chances are uncertain. He’s an excellent communicator who is a more polished Trump mini-me than Ron DeSantis but he’s a mini-me, nonetheless. Why vote for an imitator when the real thing is on the ballot?

When speaking his so-called truths, Malaka Vivek has run into trouble. He seems to be a 9/11 and 1/6 truther. In fact, he’s in a dispute with John Hendrickson over a quote in the profile:

“During our final interview aboard his campaign bus, I brought up one of his more explosive claims—a suggestion that we don’t know “the truth” about January 6. I asked him: What is the truth about January 6 that you’re referring to? His answer went down a curious path, invoking the investigation into the 9/11 terrorist attacks, among other topics. At one point, he said this to me: “I think it is legitimate to say, How many police, how many federal agents were on the planes that hit the Twin Towers? Like, I think we want—maybe the answer is zero, probably is zero for all I know, right?”

Yesterday, after The Atlantic published my story and his comments about 9/11 and January 6 drew attention, Ramaswamy told Semafor that the quote we published wasn’t “exactly what I said.” Last night, asked by CNN’s Collins about the same quote, Ramaswamy said, “I’m telling you the quote is wrong, actually.”

The quote is correct.”

Ramaswamy has gone beyond drinking the MAGA Kool-Aid, it sounds as if he’s bathed in it. Like most MAGA maggots, Ramaswamy confuses truth with truthiness. I’ll let the coiner of that word remind us of its meaning:

Thanks, Stephen.

I haven’t used truthiness for eons because Trump is an outright liar, not a truthiness teller like George W. Bush. But truthiness can be just as damaging as lies.

The Republican party is full of bigots and Christian nationalists. When push comes to shove will they support an Asian-Pacific man who is a practicing Hindu? I’m dubious, doubtful and many other D-words. I think they’re more likely to Vivek-sect Ramaswamy than vote for him even if he says all the right right-wing things.

Some in the liberal punditocracy have asked: what if there’s a smarter version of Trump? On the surface, Vivek Ramaswamy with his libertarian fascist patter seems to fit the bill. I don’t think he’ll make it, but this is the party that nominated an Insult Comedian with a dead nutria pelt atop his head. Anything is possible. And that is why Vivek Ramaswamy is malaka of the week.

The last word goes to David Lindley and El Rayo-X. Just substitute “Ramaswamy, Ramaswamy, man “for “Ram a Lamb a, Ram a Lamb a Man” and Bob’s your Uncle.

I still don’t know who or what Bob is, but I dig the phrase. I wonder if he hangs out with Sexy Sadie. That Lennon classic is really about the Maharishi. Just substitute Ramaswamy for Sexy Sadie and make Uncle Bob even happier: