The featured image is of my countryman John Cassavetes in Brian DePalma’s The Fury. It’s full of the sort of supernatural shit I normally deride but the Greco-Italian alliance formed by the actor and director beats the hell out of the one that lost World War II. You may recall that Cassavetes was the subject of  The Second Dumbest Argument I Ever Had with my father.

I’m just getting warmed up.

These are irksome times with an irksome president, incompetent cabinet, and an AWOL Congressional majority. No wonder I’m so cranky. You know what that means: It’s time for our monthly exercise in vexatious venting about irksome things.

I’m irked that anyone is taking the Insult Comedian’s alleged renaming of Lake Ontario seriously. It’s a body of water abutting two countries, no president has the authority to formally rename it Lake America. Google and Apple maps have fallen in line like good corporate sycophants but Ontario premier Doug Ford struck back:

FYI, Ford is a right-wing politician who used to be MAGA curious. Another possible ally alienated by Trump.

I’m irked that Kash Patel has lowered standards at the FBI to include applicants who have stolen from their employers or dig bestiality. I am not making this up.

Most MAGA malakatude involves projection. That begs the question: Is Kash Patel, like David Cameron before him, a pigfucker? Let’s consult with the Fab Four.

I’m irked that Team Trump is threatening to tear down the Kennedy Center if they don’t get their way. It started off as a renaming gambit, but they’ve raised the stakes. Bobby Junior remains silent. Does he have any family loyalty left?

I’m irked that people are still calling MAGA Republicans conservatives. Genuine conservatives like Reagan and McCain valued the military, Pete Hegseth is gutting it and trying to turn it into a MAGA military by refusing to promote Black and female officers. He wants the Pentagon to look more like MAGA, not like America.

I’m irked that Hegseth has expanded MAGA’s war on free speech to Stars and Stripes, the independent military newspaper. He had three people fired for telling the truth about conditions on the USS Lincoln. They’re suing to be reinstated because the firing violated their First Amendment rights.

Repeat after me: The Marines and Navy have the best uniforms.

I’m irked that Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent invited Russia to a meeting held to coordinate sanctions against Iran. Russia and Iran are allies. Russia provides them with intelligence to further their drone attacks. So much for the D-Day analogy.

I’m irked that being a language mangling moron is a qualification for Secretary of Homeland Security. If anything, Markwayne Mullin is stupider than Cosplay Kristi. He accused Democrats of “doing fear mongles” about ICE. You say mongle; I say monger. Let’s call the whole thing off after consulting with Willie Nelson and Cyndi Lauper:

Did the plumbing heir mean to say muggle like in Harry Potter? Sounds like Witchcraft to me:

I’m irked that SCOTUS punted on the Trump ballroom case. They used standing to duck deciding on the merits of a project John Roberts called likely unlawful. The other GOP appointees rolled over and begged the Kaiser of Chaos to give them belly rubs. SCOTUS has:

Don’t Alito, Thomas, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett know that Trump hates dogs? Bad justices.

I’m irked that the Gret Stet of Louisiana is giving Elon Musk’s Space X a record $27.5 billion worth of tax incentives to locate in rural Vermillion Parish. No wonder Team Clownfish wanted everyone to sign NDAs.

The last word goes to Devo: