Distance

Here are some numbers. My mother had me when she was 21 years old. I had my daughter when I was 38. For most of their lives, my mother lived six blocks away from her mother, who was 35 years old when my mother was born. Since I turned 17, I have never lived closer than 70 miles from my mom. This past fall I flew 800 miles to be at the wedding of a girl I love like my own daughter. I left my own daughter behind, in the care of my mother. For four days we were those … Continue reading Distance

Mommy Martyr Day Sucks

Everybody say I’M SO SORRY I WAS SUCH A SHITTY KID, MOM, HERE’S A ROOMBA today:  This year’s guides suggest in their sometimes admirable, sometimes obligatory, attempts at semi-wokeness that Mom has her own life, they know! Which is why she needs this Roomba. Hey, she does a lotta stuff! Which is why she needs a face mask for those eye bags. The mom of today, as rendered by these guides, is “on the go,” “multitasking,” “out and about,” and “living her life.” But she’s also “stressed out,” “really needs a vacation,” and would like this bottle of wine with a label reading, “WINE BECAUSE KIDS.” … Continue reading Mommy Martyr Day Sucks

Wifery

Do most women want to stay home and wait on a wealthy husband?  Andrews ties declining marital rates to financial insecurity and the impossibility of affording a middle-class life on a single income. She blames this on “the mass entry of women into the work force.” Instead of “shoveling women into the work force,” she suggests that it’s “time to focus on helping male workers specifically, their wages and their industries,” as a means of raising marital rates and increasing women’s ability to choose to stay at home with the kids. Never mind that we’ve already run the societally-backed man-as-breadwinner … Continue reading Wifery

‘Just’ Adopt

One of the many things that made me crazy when I was trying to have a baby was the people who said, “have you ever thought about just adopting?” There’s nothing “just” about it:  It also needs to amplify the perspectives of adoptees and birth families, especially when they raise uncomfortable issues that challenge the prevailing adoption narrative. “Children are cute, children are acceptable. Everybody likes babies,” McKee notes. “When these babies grow into adults like myself, an adoptee who also studies adoption, we’re less cute.” The idea of adoption as “a blessing for all involved” is a narrative that serves ethically … Continue reading ‘Just’ Adopt

The Women Have Always Been Here

Yep:  Before lifelong activist Florence Reece took the stage to sing her now-iconic labor anthems, she sat at the kitchen table writing those songs from the perspective as a mother and wife—and as a union agitator. “Unofficial social worker” Edith Easterling leveraged her local knowledge, and the federal resources she gained access to as a staffer for the anti-poverty program known as Appalachian Volunteers, to launch her own personal war on poverty at home in Pike County, Kentucky, with the Marrowbone Folk School—and saw her daughter Sue Ella follow her footsteps straight into the civil rights movement via multiracial youth … Continue reading The Women Have Always Been Here

I Do Not Want a Grateful Child Today

Happy Mommy Martyr Day! Sunday is Mother’s Day.  I know this because I have been to the mall three times in the past few weeks (through no fault of my own).  You can’t walk past a single shiny window without being bombarded with the certain way to make your mother happy come this Sunday morning —  BUY THIS.  Mom needs that.  IF YOU LOVE HER, YOU WILL SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON HER. I hate this stupid holiday. I hate the flower commercials and I hate the greeting cards and I hate the “spa day” thing and I hate … Continue reading I Do Not Want a Grateful Child Today

Pro-Life

This scenario reads like EXACTLY what a pro-life organization wants a woman unexpectedly pregnant to do:  Hanna Rief wishes she’d been more proactive: “I could have asked more questions,” she says. In late 2013, barely a year before the “ten essential health benefits” mandated by the Obama administration were signed into law, Reid and her boyfriend found she was pregnant. Working as a dental hygienist in Colorado, Rief didn’t have employer-sponsored insurance, but figured the first order of business was marrying the father of her child, who was also uninsured. She had the baby. She married the father. And now … Continue reading Pro-Life

‘your husband will do anything for you—slay the dragons, kill the beast’

Ladies, stop agreeing with your husbands only when you … agree with them:  Alpha women aren’t exactly new, but they were once a rarer breed. Today they abound. There are several reasons why, but it’s in large part due to women having been groomed to be leaders rather than to be wives. Simply put, women have become too much like men. They’re too competitive. Too masculine. Too alpha. Strangely, this is never a problem faced by a human male. Every relationship requires a masculine and a feminine energy to thrive. I have some questions. How is such energy measured and quantified? Is … Continue reading ‘your husband will do anything for you—slay the dragons, kill the beast’

‘no word on who was watching baby’

When I had Kick and returned to work people would see me on the street and ask, “Where the baby?” It took everything in my body not to respond OH HOLY SHIT. THE BABY. WHERE IS SHE? DID I LEAVE HER IN STARBUCKS? BABY?! WHERE ARE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU?! THANK GOD YOU NOTICED. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN DAYS BEFORE I LOOKED FOR HER. I once asked Mr. A if people asked him the same question when he went to the office. Then I asked the same question of all the awesome, fully involved, some-of-’em-stay-at-home dads that I know. *crickets* It is the year … Continue reading ‘no word on who was watching baby’

Who Works Sick

It’s a joke, the “mom cold” versus “dad cold” thing, a bad unfunny joke that plays on traditional middle class family roles and stereotypes, and I saw it repeated over and over on social media when Hillary Clinton nearly passed out after what surely was her 10 billionth event in 2 days and then waited like six seconds or something to tell everybody she had pneumonia. (Can we please stop acting like she hid her dementia for years? We had a president who did that, and a bunch let their wives/aides run stuff, and no they shouldn’t have done that, … Continue reading Who Works Sick

There Is Literally No Way to Be Married or Work or Raise Your Kids Right

IT IS 20FUCKING16, latest in a series of occasional RAGESMASHes:  […] Weiner isn’t just facing questions about his political career. He’s facing questions about his parenting skills. And for the third time, his questionable decisions are ensnaring his wife, one of Hillary Clinton’s top aides, by raising questions about her decision to leave their son alone with her husband while she’s on the campaign trail. It’s written in the standard contrarian perspective of a lot of politics blogging; the “what if” tone that carries an internal defense that it’s “just speculating.” Phillips isn’t, after all, actually saying that Abedin is a … Continue reading There Is Literally No Way to Be Married or Work or Raise Your Kids Right

Science Babies FTW or, Why Chrissy Tiegen’s Critics Can Suck It

I swear, we hate no one in the world like we hate female celebrities. The amount of bile spewed at Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift and now Chrissy Tiegen would, if properly directed towards Henry Kissinger and Dick Cheney, solve nearly all our country’s moral crises. What did model and actress Tiegen, who happens to be infertile and public about it, do? She chose to have a female embryo implanted in her uterus during an IVF cycle. People are fucking idiots, no thanks to the morning Mommy talk shows, and accused her of “designing” her baby and personally murdering all children … Continue reading Science Babies FTW or, Why Chrissy Tiegen’s Critics Can Suck It

Women Need to Hate Other Women to Protect Their Men

What the hell part nine: So what can moms do to protect themselves from sexually predatory nannies, according to CBS2 News? First, don’t hire anyone too beautiful. Leslie Venokur, co-founder of parenting website Big City Moms, say that moms should screen potential nannies based on how they dress. “If they’re wearing dangling earrings, that to me is a no-no,” she asserts. Then, CBS2 tells moms that surveillance can be necessary. Moms, it is your job to screen all people around your husband to make sure they are not going to trip him so that his dick will land inside them by mistake. … Continue reading Women Need to Hate Other Women to Protect Their Men

I’m Done With All Your Hillary and Bernie Feelings, Internet

TED CRUZ WANTS TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE. Genuinely, I think he does. I think he wants to bring about the end times. I think he is living in a comic book and none of the rest of us are real to him. Marco Rubio is six years old and he keeps thinking if he talks faster and louder it will make him sound smarter. Debate moderators ask him why his own people think he sucks, and he yells about his Lord and Savior. Jeb Bush once ruined an entire family’s life just to make points with the Jesus freaks … Continue reading I’m Done With All Your Hillary and Bernie Feelings, Internet

Mothers, Here is How You’re Screwing Up Your Baby Today: Cellphones!

MOTHERS PUT DOWN YOUR CELLPHONES:  Mothers, put down your smartphones when caring for your babies! That’s the message from University of California, Irvine researchers, who have found that fragmented and chaotic maternal care can disrupt proper brain development, which can lead to emotional disorders later in life. HOLY SHIT. That sounds terrifying! I will never text in Kick’s presence again lest I warp her brain for life! Hey, maybe Mr. A can handle all my calls and work e-mails and everything else that happens, you know, on a 21st century basis in the world. This lead says nothing about fathers using … Continue reading Mothers, Here is How You’re Screwing Up Your Baby Today: Cellphones!

The Generational Feminism Olympics, Yay!

I am so not looking forward to the next 10 months of this bullshit:  Do you notice a difference between young women and women our age in their excitement about Hillary Clinton? Is there a generational divide? Here’s what I see: a complacency among the generation of young women whose entire lives have been lived after Roe v. Wade was decided. Guys? Which one of you forgot to send Debbie Wasserman Schultz the list of stuff ladies younger than 40 care about? Because she seems to be under the impression that young women aren’t working as clinic escorts, or donating to … Continue reading The Generational Feminism Olympics, Yay!

A Tale of Two Stories: Helicopter Parenting and Poverty

The Washington Post:  And how can parents help their children become self-sufficient? Teach them the skills they’ll need in real life, and give them enough leash to practice those skills on their own, Lythcott-Haims said. And have them do chores. “Chores build a sense of accountability. They build life skills and a work ethic.” Lythcott-Haims said many parents ask how they can unilaterally deescalate in what feels like a college-admissions arms race. How can they relax about getting their child into Harvard if every other parent is going full speed ahead? The Washington Post:  The 86 members of Ruleville Central’s senior … Continue reading A Tale of Two Stories: Helicopter Parenting and Poverty

Your Daughters are Beyond Your Command: Susan Brownmiller, Slutwalks, and the Responsibilities of Feminists to One Another

Young women, before you make any mention of rape, or rape culture, or how it is bad, you must first cite Susan Brownmiller!  I was wondering if you have been following the discussions of rape activism on college campuses. Yes, very closely. In the 1970s we had an extraordinary movement against sexual assault in this country and changed the laws. They [the campus activists] don’t seem to know that. They think they are the first people to discover rape, and the problem of consent, and they are not. Jesus TITS. How exactly should they be demonstrating that they are not the … Continue reading Your Daughters are Beyond Your Command: Susan Brownmiller, Slutwalks, and the Responsibilities of Feminists to One Another

In Which We Learn It Is the Wife’s Job to Stop Her Husband from Cheating

Part the 11,000th:  Holy shit, ladies, what the hell is wrong with you? Why would you agree to hire a hot nanny, especially if you have a celebrity poonhound husband? I’d never let some hot dude prance around my house in his skivvies, unless I was ok with him banging my wife. Because the assumption has to be that it is happening. Unless Jen is ok with it, that has been known to happen too. But that is not the case with most women. Yeah, LADIES. What is wrong with you? Why do you keep sticking your husband’s dick in … Continue reading In Which We Learn It Is the Wife’s Job to Stop Her Husband from Cheating

They Don’t Care about the Consequences

What the culture wars cost:  Conservative political forces in Indiana were driven by religious fervor to gut all public funding from Planned Parenthood. They led the nation in demonizing the organization because 3 percent of its services involved reproductive services — abortion. To sterilize that contagion, the remaining 97 percent of Planned Parenthood services would be expunged as necessary collateral damage. Private interest became public mandate. The people of Austin bore that burden for Indiana’s War on Planned Parenthood. In 2011, Planned Parenthood ran five rural clinics in Indiana. They tested for HIV and offered prevention, intervention and counseling for … Continue reading They Don’t Care about the Consequences

One Day for Mothers

Since Kick was born I have had variations of the same conversation with parents, older, more experienced parents, of distant acquaintance. It goes like this: “It’s hard, isn’t it?” “Do you get it now?” “See? SEE?! SEE HOW TOUGH IT WAS ALL THIS TIME BEFORE YOU UNDERSTOOD?!!!11!” These people apparently live to see the formerly childless brought low by teething and diaper changes. The combination of smugness and desperation in these conversations is palpable. “Aren’t you tired all the time?” “Don’t you miss your old life?” Sure I’m tired, and sometimes I miss things, the way I sometimes miss college, or … Continue reading One Day for Mothers

Happy Birthday Kickass

If I ran the world this would be a national holiday:  Today would be the 151st birthday of Elizabeth Cochran—the groundbreaking journalist better known as Nellie Bly. In 1885, Bly wrote a furious letter to a Pittsburgh newspaper denouncing a column entitled, “What Girls Are Good For” that described the working woman as a “monstrosity” and said that women were best suited for domestic chores. Impressed by Bly’s letter, Pittsburgh Dispatch editor George Madden hired her as a full-time reporter under the pen name Nellie Bly.  She was a trailblazing journalist, an unwavering champion for women and the working poor, and a brilliant muckracker. One … Continue reading Happy Birthday Kickass

Let’s You and Her Fight: The Mommy Wars

Ugh, you guys:  Nearly 11 million children under age five in the United States were in some sort of childcare arrangement in 2014, according to the Childcare In America report, which is compiled annually and used by policymakers and program administrators to make decisions about care programs and costs. These discussions about childcare aren’t just involving a few dozen people. They’re involving millions of people, many of whom don’t have the option of staying home or easily cutting back their hours, and some who wouldn’t want to even if they could. There’s nothing wrong with putting a child in daycare, and if you truly … Continue reading Let’s You and Her Fight: The Mommy Wars

All of It

Thiiiiiis:  Men with big careers don’t spend much time with their kids, either. This should be obvious by now, but there still seems to be a strong strain of “you can do everything if you just try hard enough” in the culture. So, yes, Tuttle is right when she says we need to shake off the second-wave feminist baggage and elevate the work we all do at home. But I don’t think reclaiming the word housewife will be enough to make caregiving a more respected occupation. Tuttle talks about the hit her 401(k) will be taking in her caregiving years and the … Continue reading All of It

Guns for Ladies

Oh CHRIST: Watts’ report focused on the NRA’s growing political radicalism, but the gender shift is leaving pink streaks that are also unlike anything in the group’s history. Few were the exhibits on the gun show floor that did not feature products catering to women. We are now well past the novelty of a pink AR-15 here, a sparkled pistol there. Today’s woman has holsters and targets of her own. In Indy, the Law Enforcement Targets booth had already sold out of its bestselling pink shooting target, sales of which benefit not the NRA’s “round-up” program, but breast cancer research … Continue reading Guns for Ladies

Guns for Ladies

Oh CHRIST: Watts’ report focused on the NRA’s growing political radicalism, but the gender shift is leaving pink streaks that are also unlike anything in the group’s history. Few were the exhibits on the gun show floor that did not feature products catering to women. We are now well past the novelty of a pink AR-15 here, a sparkled pistol there. Today’s woman has holsters and targets of her own. In Indy, the Law Enforcement Targets booth had already sold out of its bestselling pink shooting target, sales of which benefit not the NRA’s “round-up” program, but breast cancer research … Continue reading Guns for Ladies

Guns for Ladies

Oh CHRIST: Watts’ report focused on the NRA’s growing political radicalism, but the gender shift is leaving pink streaks that are also unlike anything in the group’s history. Few were the exhibits on the gun show floor that did not feature products catering to women. We are now well past the novelty of a pink AR-15 here, a sparkled pistol there. Today’s woman has holsters and targets of her own. In Indy, the Law Enforcement Targets booth had already sold out of its bestselling pink shooting target, sales of which benefit not the NRA’s “round-up” program, but breast cancer research … Continue reading Guns for Ladies

Guns for Ladies

Oh CHRIST: Watts’ report focused on the NRA’s growing political radicalism, but the gender shift is leaving pink streaks that are also unlike anything in the group’s history. Few were the exhibits on the gun show floor that did not feature products catering to women. We are now well past the novelty of a pink AR-15 here, a sparkled pistol there. Today’s woman has holsters and targets of her own. In Indy, the Law Enforcement Targets booth had already sold out of its bestselling pink shooting target, sales of which benefit not the NRA’s “round-up” program, but breast cancer research … Continue reading Guns for Ladies

Guns for Ladies

Oh CHRIST: Watts’ report focused on the NRA’s growing political radicalism, but the gender shift is leaving pink streaks that are also unlike anything in the group’s history. Few were the exhibits on the gun show floor that did not feature products catering to women. We are now well past the novelty of a pink AR-15 here, a sparkled pistol there. Today’s woman has holsters and targets of her own. In Indy, the Law Enforcement Targets booth had already sold out of its bestselling pink shooting target, sales of which benefit not the NRA’s “round-up” program, but breast cancer research … Continue reading Guns for Ladies

Guns for Ladies

Oh CHRIST: Watts’ report focused on the NRA’s growing political radicalism, but the gender shift is leaving pink streaks that are also unlike anything in the group’s history. Few were the exhibits on the gun show floor that did not feature products catering to women. We are now well past the novelty of a pink AR-15 here, a sparkled pistol there. Today’s woman has holsters and targets of her own. In Indy, the Law Enforcement Targets booth had already sold out of its bestselling pink shooting target, sales of which benefit not the NRA’s “round-up” program, but breast cancer research … Continue reading Guns for Ladies