One Thought

To anyone who says “if people didn’t have access to guns, they’d kill people in other ways,” I say if you think that we would have seen a spate of mass murders this year if there were no firearms–if you think that there wouldn’t be far, far fewer homicides in this country PERIOD if there were no firearms, then you are a shit-stupid motherfucker who shouldn’t be allowed near stairs lest you hurt yourself. And that is absolutely the nicest way I can put that. Take care of one another. Continue reading One Thought

Making America Safer

American Moloch. Image via. First, of all read this. I own a handgun. It’s a simple Ruger P95 9x19mm pistol. I bought it years and years ago when I lived in a terrible, terrible apartment in a shitty, crime-ridden neighborhood. It cost me a couple of hundred dollars. I bought this weapon for one reason–I might need to point it at another human, discharge rounds, and murder him (if the anticipated scenario had come to pass, the target would almost certainly have been a “him”). I had no illusions what it was for. I kept it by my bed for … Continue reading Making America Safer

I Didn’t Fight For Your Freedom

A re-post from a couple of years ago that I hope, some day, never needs to be said again. Nope. No freedom being defended here. So it’s Veterans Day, which means that the US is awash with mostly obligatory tributes to military personnel. I hate this shit. I didn’t fight for your freedoms. In the six years I was in, I never once defended your right to vote, or to carry a gun, or to be secure against unreasonable search and seizure (that one doesn’t really apply anymore, anyway), or any of the other things you enjoy as a citizen … Continue reading I Didn’t Fight For Your Freedom

Hey Guys

We have no time for your shenanigans. President Barack Obama jokingly mimics U.S. Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney’s “not impressed” look while greeting members of the 2012 U.S. Olympic gymnastics teams in the Oval Office, Nov. 15, 2012. Steve Penny, USA Gymnastics President, and Savannah Vinsant laugh at left. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza) I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but the President of the United States is kind of cool. Continue reading Hey Guys

A Quick Thought

This picture has nothing to do with the post. It just cracks me up. I’m no political strategist, but telling people that they’re too stupid to understand why their lazy, mooching, female, “urban,” or entitled asses should vote for the party that has pledged to destroy the things that those people are supposedly dependent on is probably not a good plan to increase that party’s share of the vote totals. Discuss. Continue reading A Quick Thought

Adventures In Social Media; or, Dear Meteor, Come Quickly

Ah. Vesta. You’ll do nicely.Via.

Hey there, good people. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been by here, but, you know, life keeps us busy. Until we get a sick day! Then it’s time to catch up on all the crazy you’ve seen for a while, and maybe–just maybe–to write a thing or two about it. First of all, here’s hoping the effects of Hurricane Sandy won’t be as bad as advertised, and that those people without power and water get those services reconnected pronto. Now–on to the adventure.

I begin, as many such stories of crazy do, with my family. Specifically, one of my first cousins. She’s a full-on Vatican fetus-sniffer. She’s always posting crazy anti-choice shit with the oh-so-clever tag “RESPECT LIFE.” Then it’s a link to “GodVine” or “LifeNews” or some other completely reputable source about, oh, aborted fetuses being burned in a regular incinerator at a hospital as opposed to a crematorium at a funeral facility.As if that makes half a fuck’s worth of difference. I mean, they’re not alive, right? Who give a shit what you do with the remains? I know some people are more sensitive about corpses than I am, but it’s not like they’re turning them into cat food–they’re doing the exact same thing, just in an incinerator that at other times burns trash. Well, I don’t begin to understand the mind of the religious fanatic. In fact, to show all you good people exactly what I mean, let’s go to a screencap, shall we?

Well. That’s pretty self-explanatory.

Somehow, I resisted the urge to post anything in reply–anything like, say, “Romans 3:23” or “Matthew 7:1.” I also managed not to call her an astonishingly arrogant asshole for presuming to be the arbiter of who is and is not a “serious” Catholic. Does that mean you can’t ever tell a joke about god? What about if you go to a Catholic school or university, and there’s a cafeteria there? Do you get to go in? Or do you have to subsist on that little cracker they gave you in the chapel? While that would do a lot for obesity in this country, I’m not sure that’d be okay with Jesus–I mean, after all, “Man shall not live by bread alone,” right? Anyway, I didn’t comment, because getting in a theological discussion with a zealot is a lot like pissing up a rope, but you don’t get to get the relief of emptying your bladder.

A further word about this cousin: this
is a person who unfailingly supports the Republican Party. While one
may find one’s own reasons for doing so, one can’t back a party that is
disdainful of the poor, supports the death penalty, works to increase
income inequality,
and relentlessly warmongers and then call oneself a “serious” Catholic
who agrees with all of Holy Mother Church’s teachings. What you have
here is just garden-variety hypocrisy.

So, I passed that one by, but this is getting a little long, so why not have a jump? Trust me, people–you will want to hit that link.

Continue reading “Adventures In Social Media; or, Dear Meteor, Come Quickly”

Just A Thought

This is a 100-round magazine for 5.56 x 45 mm ammunition. You do not need that. No one outside of an infantry engagement needs that.   That is all.*   *Cue gun fetishists telling me that I don’t know what I’m talking about, others accusing me of wanting the eeevil gub’mint to enslave us all, others saying that I’m a traitor to the Constitution, and still others rationalizing that this maniac would have murdered a dozen people with Matchbox cars if he hadn’t had 100 rounds of .223 Remington ammo at his disposal. Yes, I’ve been down this road before. Continue reading Just A Thought

Further Adventures In Social Media; or, We Just Can’t Be Educated

Instead of engaging these dopes, I think I’m just going to have this. ALL OF THIS. Well, I’m back for one more pre-election go with Adventures In Social Media. Please kill me now. Anyway, today I bring up an acquaintance from high school, who gives us the following: I just stopped at this point. Folks, that guy is under the impression that he was right. If there are any of you out there who think that this world can actually see a riot that “upholds violence,” please–take a few minutes to say goodbye to your family and friends, then swallow … Continue reading Further Adventures In Social Media; or, We Just Can’t Be Educated

Even More Adventures In Social Media; or, Have These People Ever Heard Of The Internet?

Behold, the Internet!

Okay, so maybe I’m doing this bit too often, but it’s just comedy gold.

Once again, a cousin posted something stupid, and I did this idiotic thing called “responding with facts.” Naturally, things only got better from there.


  • Red: God-bothering first cousin
  • Blue: Yours truly
  • Purple: Cousin’s African-American acquaintance
  • Green: Cousin’s god-bothering in-law

It’s pretty awesome, and you can see the beating after the jump.

Continue reading “Even More Adventures In Social Media; or, Have These People Ever Heard Of The Internet?”

The War’s Never Over

Never. Ever. As part of my job, I talked to a young man today who had recently been fired. He is 26 years old. We sent him to Iraq when he was 19 years old. Yes, “we.” You and I. Everyone who lives in the United States of America sent him there. And he got broken. Ruined. He has post-traumatic stress disorder and a traumatic brain injury that you and I are responsible for. He did not incur those injuries defending our freedoms, or securing weapons of mass destruction, or “fighting them there so we won’t have to fight them … Continue reading The War’s Never Over

More Adventures In Social Media; or, Please Let Me Find Out That I’m Adopted

Apparently, this is George Clinton’s DNA; I don’t think you or I are funky enough to have major AND a minor groove in all of our cell nuclei.Via. In my ongoing quest to get disinvited from all future family reunions, I’ve started responding to moronic things that relations post on line. If you know anything about my family, you’re probably thinking that I’ll need to take a sabbatical from work for a while if this hobby is going to continue. Today’s idiocy comes from a first cousin, with a special guest appearance from my older brother (they are anonymized in … Continue reading More Adventures In Social Media; or, Please Let Me Find Out That I’m Adopted