Category: Athenae

Athenae, Catblogging1 Comment

Sunday Catblogging

Allison Hantschel

Ada disapproves. She disapproves of us being home. She disapproves when we leave. She disapproves of us cleaning, but will also chase us around the house yowling when her litterbox is not pristine and her water bowl not refreshed. She viscerally loathes dust bunnies and will try to bite them when they appear. She screams for food, only to back away and let bro-lo el gordito eat it all. She wants to lay on top of me when I’m reading, but then paws me in the face. This look of vague contempt follows us from one room to the next … Continue reading Sunday Catblogging

Athenae, COVID-191 Comment

How To Read the Numbers

Allison Hantschel

#BREAKING: Georgia verifies 1K new COVID-19 cases in 24 hours https://t.co/vtY9T7nrKb — Atlanta Journal-Constitution (@ajc) May 1, 2020 I read this splashed all over everything and watched people scream about how THIS PROVES GEORGIA CAN’T GO BACK TO NORMAL and of course it can’t, but this doesn’t prove dick other than that 1,000 people who weren’t tested before got tested. It’s why testing is the key to this whole thing. You have no idea how many people have this and can spread it until you test everyone. Your county has no cases? Unless you have tested everyone there, you don’t … Continue reading How To Read the Numbers

Athenae, Catblogging5 Comments

Tuesday Catblogging

Allison Hantschel

Adrastos said I should do this so here you go, here is our dumbass, here is the biggest lard on earth, all he does is flop around and whine for pets and playtime like a fucken dog. Like I am eating breakfast and he drags the half-dismembered feather stick toy over and drops it on my feet and nudges my knee and then puts his paws up on my lap and then if I STILL don’t pay attention BECAUSE I’M EATING BREAKFAST YOU DUMB HAMBONE he starts to meow. He almost never meows. His sister screams at us from dawn … Continue reading Tuesday Catblogging

Athenae, COVID-19, Economy1 Comment

Digital Deserts

Allison Hantschel

This kind of thing is why internet triumphalism always sounds like it’s coming out of someone’s ass:  The schools recently sent Chromebooks to all of Black’s grandchildren, so they’ve been driving to the high school parking lot to get online. Each day they pile into a red minivan and drive 7 miles to the high school, where they work for up to four hours — or until somebody needs to go to the bathroom. But Black said she worries about them getting kidnapped or injured when they’re gone. “You keep calling them and they get agitated, and then they say … Continue reading Digital Deserts

Athenae, COVID-19

From Here

Allison Hantschel

I have started planning for summer camp being cancelled. We’ve been hunkered down since March 13, when Kick’s school closed and my job sent everybody to work from home. Mr. A has worked from home for years, but usually he travels to meet with co-workers or for office obligations; all of that, several trips’ worth, has been forbidden. We hoped Kick’s school closing would be short-lived; it’s a large school, 400 elementary kids, but a neighborhood one, the kind where everybody comes from the same 12 blocks. Nobody anybody knew was sick, then. So I held out for April 1 … Continue reading From Here

Athenae, Big Damn Heroes

Not Everything Sucks: Baking Edition

Allison Hantschel

Ramadan Mubarak:  ARRAF: Well, that, too, is really limited because there are those bans on travel. And some countries have relaxed curfews; some places like Dubai have even opened up shopping malls. But it’s difficult. People are trying to adapt, though. We went through the south of Jordan in the town of Shobak (ph) yesterday on the eve of Ramadan, and that’s where we found this pop-up bakery. UNIDENTIFIED BAKERY EMPLOYEE: (Non-English language spoken). ARRAF: It’s a tiny little place. The guy who’s shouting is actually welcoming people. He’s saying come and get qatayef. That’s this crescent-shaped sweet that’s traditionally … Continue reading Not Everything Sucks: Baking Edition

Athenae, So Called Liberal Media3 Comments

They Broke The Only Thing That Can Save Us

Allison Hantschel

Every time I see somebody online whinging that there’s no leadership from Democrats, I want to scream, because: how would you even know? Trump’s briefings are carried live. Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi could come out with a fifty-point plan OH WAIT THEY FUCKING DID THAT LIKE NINE TIMES AND NOBODY FUCKIN NOTICED. I don’t know what to do with everyone not understanding this. Dem leaders aren’t assignment editors either, and until ours get a motherfucking clue and some sense of responsibility for the fact that their decisions are killing us Joey B. Shark could personally cure every coronavirus on … Continue reading They Broke The Only Thing That Can Save Us

Athenae, So Called Liberal Media1 Comment

They Aren’t Assignment Editors

Allison Hantschel

I mean, we can keep getting mad at Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, that’s fine, but we should be mad at the person who keeps booking them for “news” shows:  Like Drs. Drew and Oz before him, Phil McGraw was on TV, it seems, largely because he’s an articulate, charismatic and well-known TV personality. But none of that amounts to expertise on this particular topic. In fact, in recent TV appearances to discuss the pandemic, fellow celebrity doctors Drew Pinsky and Mehmet Oz have offered commentary based on a loose or seemingly wobbly understanding of the crisis — arguably doing more to undermine public … Continue reading They Aren’t Assignment Editors

Athenae, COVID-19, So Called Liberal Media2 Comments

To Those Who Wanted a Disaster

Allison Hantschel

In 2007, two years after Katrina’s waters receded, I went to New Orleans with a group of you all, at Scout’s behest, to gut a house and contribute, in however small a way, to the rebuilding of the city. As we drove from the airport I asked about the signs, spray-painted on the front of houses and buildings. The FEMA X denoting that a structure had been checked. It had been two years since the storm. When would they come down? Now I look around my neighborhood, at the signs in the windows made by children I used to see … Continue reading To Those Who Wanted a Disaster

Athenae

Not Everything Sucks

Allison Hantschel

Patti LuPone still exists, thankfully:  Your kitchen looks nice, too. This is an antique butcher block, from “Sunset Boulevard,” that Andrew Lloyd Webber paid for and shipped home and doesn’t even know it! You absconded with an entire butcher’s block? And all the costumes! The first-act costume, with a turban, and a fabulous golden black thing? I just tucked them in my bag and left the theatre. You could swan around in them now. I feel like Norma Desmond would be good in isolation. That would be a fucking brilliant video. I have the sunglasses. I have the heels. You … Continue reading Not Everything Sucks

Athenae, Elections

Who’s Going to Stop Him?

Allison Hantschel

I mean, David Frum and Rick Wilson are now heroes of La Resistance, can you blame Trump for looking at this world and saying eh, they’ll forget about it in an hour?  “Any normal politician would be worried about saying anything wrong about a disease like this,” says Ben Rhodes. “Trump, because he has an incapacity to be shamed, clearly felt a certain freedom to just stand up there and lie or to tweet things that weren’t true, because he knew in his mind that, if this does get bad, I can just always rewrite the history of it.” It’s … Continue reading Who’s Going to Stop Him?

Athenae, COVID-19

Something Bullshit This Way Comes, Newspaper Edition

Allison Hantschel

This is the most horseshit thing I’ve seen in a day more full of horseshit than the Kentucky Derby:  According to Monday’s memo, many staffers will be furloughed for five days a month through June. The CEO also told workers that he will not take an annual salary until the furloughs and reductions had been reversed, and that other Gannett executives will take a 25-percent pay reduction. “We realize these actions will put economic hardship on all of you and I don’t take these measures lightly,” he said. “I would simply and humbly say ‘thank you.’ Our goal is to … Continue reading Something Bullshit This Way Comes, Newspaper Edition

Athenae, COVID-197 Comments

This Isn’t Happening For You

Allison Hantschel

If I see one more stupid meme about how this is happening so we can remake the world in a kinder, gentler image, I am going to put my fist through something. (Yes, I’m out of the denial stage and squarely into anger. I like it here, and I think I’ll stay a good while.) Just fucking STOP IT  with the “maybe when this is all over we will appreciate one another more” and “this will turn America back to God” and “maybe we need to think harder about how much we value socializing with our friends” and all that … Continue reading This Isn’t Happening For You

Athenae

Not Everything Sucks

Allison Hantschel

#SomeGoodNews Garden staff cleared out the greenhouse & donated hundreds of indoor plants to the UW Hospital Department of Anesthesiology & Operating Room staff. The plants had been destined for a (now cancelled) plant sale & were suddenly in need of a new purpose @somegoodnews pic.twitter.com/EnSVxYn2N2 — Allen Centennial Garden (@AllenCentennial) April 6, 2020 People are just being so utterly phenomenal in the face of nonstop, unrelenting fuckery, I just can’t. A. Continue reading Not Everything Sucks

Athenae, COVID-194 Comments

This Time

Allison Hantschel

You’re gonna hold them to account, this time? Really? These thousands dead, you’ll fix in your mind forever? I’m glad to hear it. Glad on behalf of the friends who died of AIDS. Thrilled, really, that you’ll make space for them. Glad on behalf of the people chewed up and spit out by the war on drugs. Super helpful, their deaths. We won that war, right? Speaking of wars, incredibly grateful you’ll be remembering the bodies piled up in Iraq and Afghanistan. Since we’re talking about wars we’ve won. Glad on behalf of the drowned in Katrina. Do you even … Continue reading This Time

Athenae, COVID-191 Comment

‘It Would Be Okay if It Was Working’

Allison Hantschel

If that ain’t the truth: “I’ve never seen this system used before. It would be okay if it was working. It’s not working…it’s like their making this stuff up on the way to the podium”: @ltgrusselhonore on the federal govt response to get supplies to states #COVID19 pic.twitter.com/x7u3qoQ0v6 — David Begnaud (@DavidBegnaud) April 3, 2020 We are not short on stories, in the world, about unlikely heroics from feckless princelings. This is kind of our THING, humans: an ordinary person pulls a sword from a stone and rules all of Camelot. A youngster from nowhere becomes a mighty warrior. The … Continue reading ‘It Would Be Okay if It Was Working’

Athenae, COVID-194 Comments

It’s Not On Individuals

Allison Hantschel

This is incredibly counterproductive. People gathered to watch the US Navy hospital ship dock in New York City. Stay home. Practice social distancing. pic.twitter.com/SOWsdUaOgo — Alexis Benveniste (@apbenven) March 30, 2020 Guys, I’m about done with posts about individuals who aren’t social distancing properly, stories somebody heard from their cousin who said something to someone else about teenagers coughing on them, and just generally shaming people who are far less to blame for the current situation than literally anyone in power. CALL THE COPS screams my neighborhood Facebook group (which was until 2 days ago an absolute respite from its … Continue reading It’s Not On Individuals

Athenae, COVID-192 Comments

Safe Passage

Allison Hantschel

This is the thing that worries me:  Mr. Trump, when he said he was considering a quarantine for the region, offered no details about how his administration would enforce it. Speaking to CNN, Gov. Andrew Cuomo of New York criticized the idea, calling it “a declaration of war on states.” He also questioned the logistical challenges, as well as the message, that such an order would present. “If you start walling off areas all across the country, it would just be totally bizarre, counterproductive, anti-American, antisocial,” he said. Because: if my state is closed and yours is open, how do … Continue reading Safe Passage

Athenae, Big Damn Heroes, COVID-192 Comments

People Have This

Allison Hantschel

This is great: “I thought, ‘Tyler, you always wanted to feed people. That’s what you wanted to do, so keep doing that,’” he said. “There is good in this world. We will work together to feed people.” So Sailsbery and The Black Sheep staff set up a free breakfast and lunch giveaway for those in need during the coronavirus pandemic. The plan is to give away meals from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. and 3:30 until 9 p.m. every Tuesday through Friday “for as long as we can or until the schools reopen,” according to the restaurant’s website. I just keep thinking about … Continue reading People Have This

Athenae, Big Damn Heroes, COVID-19, Uncategorized3 Comments

Who the Heroes Have Always Been

Allison Hantschel

When this is over, I want a national day of celebration and ticker tape parades down every main street for drs, nurses, hospital staff, grocery store stockers, truckers, teachers, delivery people, and restaurant workers. — Dr. Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) March 22, 2020 Last night I was putting Kick through her evening paces — bathing, teeth-brushing, cat-petting, story-reading, delaying, water-getting, more delaying, singing, one-more-hugging — and I heard my neighbors outside yelling Bon Jovi songs into the air. My friends and I text each other constantly: You okay? I’m going out, need anything? Skype, chat, check-ins, bitching about small stuff, who … Continue reading Who the Heroes Have Always Been

Athenae, Current Affairs, Guns, Uncategorized1 Comment

You Already Know Where It Goes

Allison Hantschel

So here’s what’s gonna happen. A lot of people are going to get sick. They won’t know for sure if they’re sick, because there aren’t enough tests, and nobody can afford the ones that we do have. Because nobody will know anything for sure, and a lot of people will be sick, most businesses will stay closed. Most will be unable to pay their employees, so a lot of people are going to be sick and broke. Sick broke people make decisions aimed at not being sick or broke no more. Not all of those decisions will be harmless to … Continue reading You Already Know Where It Goes

Athenae, Congress, COVID-19, So Called Liberal Media

Every Genocide Needs a Soundtrack

Allison Hantschel

A few years back I got irrationally obsessed with reading books about the Rwandan genocide including this excellent, harrowing one, and one thing that stuck with me from it was the role talk radio played in stoking violence and encouraging people to turn on their neighbors. This is a transcript from one of those stations, assuring its listeners that no matter what they see and hear on other channels, THIS is the real story: .. When talking, we should be aware that we are talking to other people, and to intelligent people. Because what will cause harm to the Rwandans, … Continue reading Every Genocide Needs a Soundtrack

Athenae, Big Damn Heroes, COVID-19, Sports1 Comment

Not Everything Sucks

Allison Hantschel

It’s easy to imagine that in places where life is already hard, our current circumstances would make life harder. And they have, and they’ve made people braver, as well:  Before long, word of the project had spread, and about two dozen people came together to help, working 13-hour days to turn the abandoned house into a welcoming checkpoint. “The house was full of 3-4 feet of snow,” said Bekoalok, who has limited mobility and volunteered from home as a coordinator. “They had to shovel the house out, and they put Visqueen on the windows, so that light comes in but … Continue reading Not Everything Sucks

Athenae, COVID-19, Religion5 Comments

Laborare Est Orare, Motherfuckers

Allison Hantschel

This National Day of Prayer. I just. You want to pray? Give money to a food pantry. You want to pray? Call your parents, your siblings, anyone you’re lucky enough to love. You want to pray? Put a note on your window, as one of my neighbors did yesterday, with your phone number: LOW RISK PERSON WILLING TO PICK UP MEDICINE OR GROCERIES, PLEASE TEXT. You want to pray? Vote early or by mail. You want to pray? My church cancelled communion LAST WEEK. They cancelled mass on Wednesday. That was prayer. You want to pray? Drive someone to work … Continue reading Laborare Est Orare, Motherfuckers

Athenae, Do Something14 Comments

First Draft Community Help Thread

Allison Hantschel

On my way to work this morning I got on my usual bus, which was carrying its customary assortment of metropolitan itinerants in varying stages of consciousness and togetherness. At the next stop a young woman got on with a baby, maybe a little less than a year, and sat down, baby on lap. It was 8 a.m. and she had a look I’ve seen so many times in the mirror since I became a parent: The day has barely started and I am already so completely done. The baby gummed fingers and pacifier and waved tiny hands in the … Continue reading First Draft Community Help Thread

Athenae, Congress, So Called Liberal Media2 Comments

Bickering

Allison Hantschel

I know, it’s Politico, I’m better off reading the inside of the wrapper of the “health” food bar I just ate for information on how stuff works: What the public is about to see is Washington bickering over what legislation is needed to help right the economy and stop the further spread of this pandemichttps://t.co/VsMFYdLquc — POLITICO (@politico) March 10, 2020 Bickering. Or, as we call it in the world where we don’t pretend to be dumber than we are for hate-clicks, FIGURING OUT THE BEST WAY TO DO THIS. These solipsistic fucksticks know this, they know that what they … Continue reading Bickering

Athenae, Sports

Not Everything Sucks

Allison Hantschel

Quince Mountain is in the Idtitarod:  In dog mushing — a sport where both humans and dogs compete regardless of gender — Mountain, 40, has found a welcoming community. It’s a privilege few trans athletes get to experience, he acknowledged, and one the musher has rarely encountered himself. Gender always posed problems for the athlete, who was assigned female at birth but described himself as a gender-nonconforming kid throughout his youth. He remembered trying out for the softball team at his Wisconsin high school. Despite being faster and more aggressive than many of the girls, he said he didn’t make … Continue reading Not Everything Sucks

Athenae, Elections, Stupid Everything Tricks, Twitter2 Comments

Please Stop

Allison Hantschel

I know “please everyone quit bitching on the internet” is like the least likely thing to actually happen but I figured I would try to talk about how awful we are all being about our preferred primary candidates right now. Yes, all of us. Bernie Brothers. Even the Biden Bros. Maybe especially you three weirdos stanning Tulsi, whatever you’re about. What is the appeal? I just log on every day and it’s “Biden is basically Trump” and “Bernie will never get anything done” and meanwhile the Republicans are over there debating how many people they can put on death-ships to … Continue reading Please Stop

Athenae, Food and Drink1 Comment

Don’t Talk to Me About Fake News

Allison Hantschel

Until you address this kind of crap, published on the notoriously dodgy internet website known as CFUCKINGNN:  5W Public Relations said that 38% of Americans wouldn’t buy Corona “under any circumstances” because of the outbreak, and another 14% said they wouldn’t order a Corona in public. The survey encompasses polling from 737 beer drinkers in the United States. In another survey conducted by YouGov, the firm found consumers’ intent to purchase Corona fell to its lowest level in two years. The survey also showed that Corona’s buzz score, a metric that that measures favorability, has dropped significantly since the beginning of … Continue reading Don’t Talk to Me About Fake News