Something Bullshit This Way Comes, Newspaper Edition

This is the most horseshit thing I’ve seen in a day more full of horseshit than the Kentucky Derby: 

According to Monday’s memo, many staffers will be furloughed for five days a month through June. The CEO also told workers that he will not take an annual salary until the furloughs and reductions had been reversed, and that other Gannett executives will take a 25-percent pay reduction.

“We realize these actions will put economic hardship on all of you and I don’t take these measures lightly,” he said. “I would simply and humbly say ‘thank you.’ Our goal is to ensure that when we get through these difficult times, we emerge fully able to continue our important role serving our readers, clients and communities.”

Gannett’s predicament, according to the company, mirrors the intense headwinds other major-news publishers are currently facing.

In Monday’s note, Bascobert said that while traffic and online subscriptions have soared in recent weeks, direct advertising has slowed as many marketers and advertisers have halted campaigns, adding that Gannett expects revenue to “decline considerably during this period.”

Corporate news ownership is a fucking disease. Revenue will decline considerably? Okay, does that mean you won’t have enough to pay your bills? Does that mean you won’t be able to make rent this month? What does that MEAN? Why is “less money than we used to make” automatically cause for OMG PANICS?

It is amazing, the stuff we think is an emergency.