This kind of thing is why internet triumphalism always sounds like it’s coming out of someone’s ass: 

The schools recently sent Chromebooks to all of Black’s grandchildren, so they’ve been driving to the high school parking lot to get online. Each day they pile into a red minivan and drive 7 miles to the high school, where they work for up to four hours — or until somebody needs to go to the bathroom.

But Black said she worries about them getting kidnapped or injured when they’re gone.

“You keep calling them and they get agitated, and then they say ‘Grandma, I was in the middle of the work and you just called me,’ ” she said.

This is why it makes me insane whenever somebody starts screaming about how DIGITAL IS THE FUTURE MAN because … for who? How?

Maybe one of our Silicon Valley fanboys who “consult” for half a million dollars a minute can figure this out before we go back to foldable phones or whatever the hell dumb toy is jerking the joint of the Kids These Days. These are Kids These Days too, and they don’t need a watch that talks to their fridge, they need what middle class white kids had 10 years ago.

Yo Elon when you’re done with your supertunnel to the sun or whatever.

A.