Debate Night Crack Van

The chat company is being a dildo about the upgrade I ordered after our fundraising drive was done, so we might still have to eke out one more ride in this broken-down Chevy. If Adrastos keeps trying to pimp Della out the back of it for petting we’re going to keep attracting ALL KINDS OF ATTENTION JESUS GOD, so try to conceal your drug paraphernalia and degenerate sex appliances a little better this time.

But we will have a paid van for election night. If I have to build it myself from scratch. Don’t worry, Doc will make sure it runs good.

VAN CLOSED. It’s over. She slayed. Everybody VOTE. And come here after you vote for our Election Day Van!


Malaka Of The Week: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions


Sessions and Trump do Alabama.

It’s time to play some inside baseball. A friend recently asked me why there have been fewer malaka of the week posts of late. He pointed out that there’s an abundance, even a surfeit, of malakatude. Here’s why: quite a few posts start off as malaka of the weekers but if I come up with a punchy-n-clever title I use that. Play ball.

I was astonished when I did an internal search a few weeks ago, and learned that Jeff Sessions had never been malaka of the week. I assumed he had been: he’s one of the worst Senators and the first member (literally in his case) of that body to endorse Donald Trump for President. (Sounds like a sentence Trump might want to grope.) Sessions been one of the Insult Comedian’s most outspoken and aggressive surrogates who is always willing to defend the indefensible. And that is why Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions of Alabama is malaka of the week.

Sessions has been in the Senate for 20 years. In that time, he’s been one of its few openly racist members: his idea of enlightenment is calling black folks nigras instead of you know what. His fanatical opposition to all that is good and espousal of all that is bad has had him on my radar screen for years. His pet cause is immigration, which is why he endorsed his fellow bigot way back on February 28th at a rally in Mobile. It’s leap year, which may be why he jumped the gun and endorsed his fellow Putin fan so early. That’s given this benighted peckerwood real clout with the candidate. No wonder Trump is losing.

In addition to his general malakatude, Sessions has been in the news after two of Trump’s recent controversies. At first, he was adamant that the grab them by the Billy Bush tape wasn’t about sexual assault:

Interviewed in the spin room after the presidential debate in St. Louis, in which Trump brushed off the comments as “locker room talk,” the Alabama senator noted that the real estate mogul already apologized for his “very improper language.”

“But beyond the language, would you characterize the behavior described in that as sexual assault if that behavior actually took place?” the Weekly Standard asked.

“I don’t characterize that as sexual assault,” Sessions replied. ”I think that’s a stretch. I don’t know what he meant—“

“So if you grab a woman by the genitals, that’s not sexual assault?” the Weekly Standard pressed.

“I don’t know. It’s not clear that he—how that would occur.”

He has subsequently crawfished but that quote shows his inclination to slavishly support everything Trump does or says. Sessions long ago succumbed to Trump’s domination politics. Notice the featured image at the top of the post: Trump quite literally lays his hand on his little buddy with the very Southern name, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions. They look like a demented version of Gomer Pyle and Sgt. Carter. Of course, Carter had a crew cut and Gomer wasn’t a racist pinhead just a Southern fried sillybilly,  but it still works.

Sessions has also echoed his master’s “rigged election” talking point. I suspect he actually believes this bullshit: it’s what they did in the zip-a-dee-doo-dah days of the Old South, after all. The GOP has been peddling this line for years but are now shocked that Trump and his lackeys have taken this specious argument to its logical extreme. We all know that THEM PEOPLE steal elections and even return from the grave to vote for the demonic Democrats. How do we know this? Rudy Noun Verb 9/11 Giuliani told us and Good Ole Jeff Sessions agrees with him. Would Rudolph and Jefferson lie? In a heartbeat.

While researching this post, I stumbled on to a classic 2010 Wonkette post: Vile Racist Jeff Sessions: It’s His Day To Shine. Here’s a sample of its beautiful viciousness:

Who is this vile, lisping piglet known as the “top ranking Republican” on the Senate Judiciary Committee calling everybody and everything (mostly Elena Kagan) Communist and Anti-American? Why it’s Alabama heartthrob Jeff Sessions, the Reagan-era U.S. attorney in Mobile who, when nominated by the Gipper to be U.S. District Court judge in southern Alabama, was revealed to be a complete racist and Bircher-style paranoid — the kind of trash who would tell black colleagues that he thought the Ku Klux Klan were “okay” until he discovered some of them were “pot smokers.”

Through the course of his confirmation hearings, black and white colleagues described Sessions’ constant, blatant racism: calling the NAACP “anti-American,” aggressively prosecuting fake “voter fraud” in black neighborhoods while ignoring actual fraud in white polling stations, calling a black U.S. attorney “boy,” and describing the Voting Rights Act of 1965 a “piece of intrusive legislation” — a quote he stood behind during his hearing.

How little things have changed. And that is why Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions of Alabama is malaka of the week. Believe it.

Since I mentioned dead voters, I’ll give a  certain rock combo the last word:

Quote Of The Day: Little Newt On Little Trump

Tiger Beat on The Potomac reads the Moonie Times so we don’t have to:

Gingrich said there’s a side of Little Trump’s personality that’s “very sensitive, particularly to anything which attacks his own sense of integrity or his own sense of respectability, and he reacts very intensely, almost uncontrollably, to those kinds of situations.”

“I think that’s a weakness,” he said on the “Examining Politics” podcast. “I hope he grows out of it.”

Grows out of it? Trump is Seventy fucking years old. The chances of him “growing out” of anything are slim and none, and slim moved to Mexico and calls himself Carlos. Btw, the real reason the Insult Comedian attacked Senor Slim (his name really oughta be Jim) is that the Mexican tycoon canceled a business deal with the fake billionaire after the rapist/build the wall speech. That’s the skinny on Senor Slim. The things you learn when you use Mr. Google…

Back to Newt’s Little Trump quote. One thing that many top Trumpers have in common is projection. They sound like they’re talking about another person when they’re really talking about themselves. Trump does it all the time and so does Newt who has always seen himself as a “historic figure.” Here’s more from the Moonie-cast:

In the podcast, Gingrich extolled Big Trump, whom he painted as a courageous outsider whose big thinking is changing American politics. “However, there’s also a part of his personality that sometimes gets involved in petty things that make no sense,” he conceded, “and I think that that’s what I was talking about when I talk about there’s a big Trump and a little Trump.”

“The big Trump is a historic figure talking about historic ideas. The little Trump gets involved at a personality level,” he said, pointing to the real estate mogul’s tweet in which he blasted “SNL” for its “hit job” and called for the “boring and unfunny show” to “retire.” Trump also attacked Trump impersonator Alec Baldwin, tweeting that his “portrayal stinks” and floating the unsubstantiated notion that the media are rigging the election.

“Well, if you’re gonna be president of the United States and a historic figure and not just change America but also change a lot about how we lead the world, you don’t descend to being the equivalent of Alec Baldwin,” Gingrich advised.

But, but, but his character on 30 Rock, Jack Donaghy, was an ardent Republican who would surely be a Trumper. Speaking of 30 Rock, it turns out that there’s a Tumblr whose stated mission is to use: “Jenna Maroney’s words. Donald Trump’s face. The worst of both worlds.” It’s called-what else?-Donald Maroney. Life not only imitates The Sopranos, it imitates 30 Rock too. Repeat after me: the things you learn when you use Mr. Google…

Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, Little Newt’s Little Donald quote. It has given me an earworm. Now that I think of it, this could be Trump’s campaign theme song even if it’s only about growth in one area:


Album Cover Art Wednesday: Chuck Berry

Rock-n-roll pioneer Chuck Berry turned 90 yesterday. Happy Birthday, sir.

Let’s celebrate Album Cover Art Wednesday style:




Ready for some live Chuck from the hippie era? It’s 1967’s Live At The Fillmore Auditorium complete with an introduction by Bill Graham. Ladies and germs, let’s give it up for Chuck Berry and the Steve Miller Band:

Don’t Make Obama Turn This Country Around

You know he has a dad voice: 

“There is no serious person out there who would suggest somehow that you could even rig America’s elections, in part because they’re so decentralized and the numbers of votes involved,” Obama said.

“There’s no evidence that that has happened in the past or that there are instances in which that will happen this time,” he continued. “And so, I ‘d advise Mr. Trump to stop whining and go try to make his case to get votes.”


I am so old I remember when Democrats who talked about who owned companies that made voting machines were so widely mocked and derided that they never talked about it again, and that was in the election right after that “hanging  chad” one. INTERNET GRANDMA.


Take Husbands and Wives

This guy’s picture is going around:

I shudder every time I see it, but not because of him.

I can’t stop thinking about his wife. She’s standing there next to him, and not that women can’t be misogynists (see Schlafly, Phyllis) but God, this election has made me wonder about so many people’s marriages. Women who are afraid to tell their husbands they’re voting for Hillary. Husbands who are “ashamed” to tell their wives they’re voting for Trump. The bargains and compromises people have made to stay friends and friendly that are being ripped up right now and set on fire, because nobody can maintain the facade anymore.

We think of politics as an abstraction. We think of it as distinct from real human events. Like there’s politics and friendship, politics and family, politics and “real life.” How many times do we hear this on TV, cats and kittens? “It’s just politics.” “It’s all political.” “Don’t politicize this” that or the other thing. And when we push back, and say all politics is personal, when we say politics is the roads I drive on and the schools my kids attend, politics is the quality of the air we breathe and what kind of jobs we can get and where we can live, we get told we’re naive and stupid and Doing It Wrong.

We’ve made this double world, of the unreal things that happen in Congress and statehouses, for the cynical benefit of this or that player, and then out here there’s the rest of us going to school and work and fixing up our houses and we can ignore it all, say a pox on both parties, a pox on the process, I’m dropping out. And we make a list of things we do not say, because they are about politics. As if politics isn’t about family, when politics determines who can marry and adopt and have children and how many and when. As if politics doesn’t grow the food and pay for it, too.

We’ve built this mirror universe, and now it’s breaking apart.

I’ve seen lots of tweets in response to the one above, along the lines of “I want to make this guy cry in November.” Don’t get me wrong, I do. But I can’t stop thinking about his wife. Imagine being so broken that you stand next to that, maybe thinking he’d never say that about me. Imagine being that certain that the kind of hate that leads you to put a sign on yourself I AM A GAPING ASSHOLE will never be turned around on you. Imagine telling yourself a hundred times a day, he doesn’t hate me like that. Imagine how scared you’d have to be, all the time, whether you know it or not.

And maybe she isn’t certain. Maybe he does hate her like that. Maybe he says things to her in private that make that T-shirt look like a compliment. Maybe he doesn’t say cunt, but he says things like this: 

“O’Reilly interviewed him and threw him 15 softballs that he should have hit out of the park and what does he do? He sits there and stares and denounces [Paul] Ryan and McCain. I was watching with interest and my wife turned to me and said: ‘I don’t know if I could vote for him.’ I said, ‘You’re voting for him!’ But it went through my mind: What if Putin insults him? Does he drop a bomb on Moscow or something? I’m not sure he is stable.”

There have probably been a thousand compromises before that, a thousand things unsaid, because politics isn’t personal, it isn’t Thanksgiving dinner or flowers on your birthday. But in addition to ripping away the veil on America’s love affair with racism and the true amount of supporters white power theology has and the GOP’s lust for power and conservo-evangelicals’ willingness to give their God a middle finger, it’s made a lot of wives understand how much their husbands hate women.

I don’t know how they come back from that. Maybe instead of a national election we should be raising money for a divorce lawyers’ fund.



Moe’s Wife Blames Larry


Moe Trump pulls Larry Bush’s hair whilst choking Curly. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

I have long used the Three Stooges as archetypes for male behavior, especially of the dumbass variety. Most men are either Moes, Larrys, or Curlys. I am none of the above. I’m on the Shempish side at times but never, ever Curly Joe or, heaven forfend, Joe De Rita.

In case you don’t know your Stoogeology: Moe was the ego, Curly the id, Larry the doormat with Shemp being somewhere between Curly and Moe. Donald Trump is 100% pure-D Moe. Billy Bush is just as obviously a nebbishy Larry destined to have his eyes repeatedly poked by Moe. Btw. Howard Stern is a shaggy Curly. I thought it was important to add that. Why? I’ll never know since he wasn’t one of the boys on the bus or is that in the locker room? We’ll have to confer with Rudy who’s also a Moe whereas Newt is a Curly. I could do this for hours but I won’t. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

The Insult Comedian’s essential Moe-ness made Melania Trump’s explanation to Anderson Cooper of the grab them by the Billy Bush tape even more hilarious:

Cooper asked Trump what she thought the first time she heard the now-infamous tape, and she said that she let her husband know that his comments were not okay with her.

“I said to my husband that, you know, the language was inappropriate. It’s not acceptable,” she said. “And I was surprised, because that is not the man that I know.”

She went on, though, to question whether Donald Trump knew he was being recorded and whether Bush goaded him into what she characterized as “boy talk.”

“Ss you can see from the tape, the cameras were not on, it was only a mic,” she said. “And I wonder if they even knew that the mic was on, because they were kind of boy talk, and he was egged on by the host to say dirty and bad stuff.”

“You feel the host, Billy Bush, was egging him on?” Cooper clarified.

“Yes,” she replied.

In a word: preposterous,  ludicrous,  ridiculous. I know that’s three but this is a Stooge-based post, for fuck’s sake. Moe Trump is a leader/instigator: a writer of he-man crime fiction would call him a swinging dick. In contrast, Larry Bush is a lickspittle, a cackling hyena thrilled to be in the company of a Moe. Hell, Billy Bush even has Larry-hair.

There’s no way a Larry could ever dominate a Moe and it didn’t happen in this instance either. If Melania Trump really thinks it did, she should plan to go on Dancing with the Stars after her husband loses and do the Curly Shuffle:


Alt-Right White Flight

The news has been depressing of late. The Republican nominee is one of the worst people to have ever trod our national stage, and his odious pals Rudy (Noun Verb 9/11) Giuliani and Newt Gingrich have been polluting the airwaves with racist bullshit. The Trump campaign is run by the Breitbart-Bannon-Bossie Brownshirts or as I call them B3. Many of their supporters are pistol packing ignorami/ignoramuses, what have you. Hillary calls them the basket of deplorables, I call them the MAGA Maggots. Let’s call the whole thing off. I mean that literally: I wish the third debate could be sent to live with Julian Assange in an unknown location and that election day was tomorrow. I usually enjoy Presidential elections but this is one only a motherfucker could love.

I read a WaPo piece today that gave me hope for the human race in the post-Trump era. It was brought to my attention by our favorite Suburban Guerilla, Susie Madrak. A ray of hope from Philly of all places. Imagine that. End of obligatory Philadelphia joke.

Back to the matter at hand. It’s a remarkably well-written article by Eli Saslow about Derek Black. He’s the son of Don Black, the neo-Nazi Stormfront dude. His mother is David Duke’s ex-wife and the erstwhile Gret Stet Fuhrer is his godfather. Derek used to be the boy wonder of alt-right white nationalism. Black the younger was among those to popularize the term “white genocide.” In short, he was the alt-right Tsarevich.

After attending New College in Sarasota, Florida and making a Jewish friend, Derek Black underwent a radical change of heart. He is no longer a skinhead with better hair but has become, I daresay, a liberal. His racist family is horrified:

Derek returned home a few weeks later for his father’s birthday, even though his mother and his half-sisters had asked him not to come. “I think I might be getting disowned,” Derek had written to one college friend. But he was about to leave Florida for graduate school, and he wanted to say goodbye.

He arrived at his grandmother’s house for the party, and he would later remember how strange it felt when his half-sisters would barely acknowledge him. His mother was polite but cold. Don tried to invite Derek inside, but the rest of the family wanted him to leave. “I got uninvited to my own party,” Don later remembered. “They said if I wanted to see him, we both had to go.”

They left and went for a drive, first to the beach and then to a restaurant, where they sat at a booth near the back. Derek still had his dry sense of humor. He still made smart observations about politics and history. “Same old Derek,” Don concluded, after a few hours, and that fact surprised him. His grief had been so profound that he’d expected some physical manifestation of the loss. Instead, he found himself forgetting for several minutes at a time that Derek was now “living on the other side.”

Don asked Derek about the theories that had emerged on the Stormfront message thread. Was he just faking a change to have an easier career? Was this his way of rebelling?

When Derek denied those things, Don mentioned the theory he himself had come to believe — the one David Duke had posited in the first hours after Derek’s letter went public: Stockholm syndrome. Derek had become a hostage to liberal academia and then experienced empathy for his captors.

“That’s so patronizing,” Derek remembered saying. “How can I prove this is what I really believe?”

The Washington Post has done some remarkable work during this electoral annus horribilis. The story of Derek Black’s metamorphosis from racist wunderkind to normal human being is at the top of the list. It’s good to remember that people *can* change for the better. That’s a powerful message at any time but particularly this year when the B3 Brownshirts have moved from the shadows in to the light. The best way to fight these cockroaches is to step on them with your vote.

Tweet Of The Day: Anarchy In Milwaukee County Edition


Is this what Sheriff Clarke has in mind?

Remember when Donald Trump told us he was the law and order candidate? It was, of course, another lie. He should have said he was the lawless and disorder candidate. His supporters have an anarchic streak to say the least. One of the few high-profile African-American Trumpers is the wack-a-doodle sheriff of Milwaukee County, Wisconsin, David A. Clarke Jr. The A seems to stand for arsonist:

Nice to see that the guy who runs the jails in Wisconsin’s most populous county’s hobby is inciting social media riots. Sheriff Clarke is enjoying his time in the spotlight:

His fans are gathering tiki torches to storm the castle? Is this some sort of Hawaiian or Polynesian uprising? Does that mean that Victor Frankenstein is holed up at Trader Vic’s? Does Trader Vic’s even exist any more? The original tiki bar and restaurant seems to only exist abroad according to Wikipedia, which is a real shame. I met the original Trader Vic when I was a kid. He was a friend of a friend of my father’s. I remain convinced that he created the Mai Tai; sorry, Beachcomber Don. I think Trumpers like Sheriff David Asshole Clarke should drink a few Mai Tais and catch the island vibe. That concludes this brief Adrastos-Zelig story except, that is, for this musical interlude:

Back to Sheriff Wingnut. It turns out that the lawless man in a tin foil cowboy hat is a blogger.

Clarke’s hernia inducing post is an incoherent rant that makes it rather worrisome that he’s a jailer. He’s just nutty enough to try to “lock her up” in his own jail. Here’s a sample of his unhinged writing:

When I tweeted the above image, I meant it. I wasn’t speaking in code. It’s time to run those corrupt politicians out of Washington DC and back to whatever crevices they crawled from. It’s time to put Mrs. Bill Clinton behind bars, where she belongs. And it’s time that the DOJ learns what the “J” stands for in their name.

Of course, that’s not what the “Democratic operatives with bylines” understood when they saw my tweet. They immediately reported that I was trying to “incite violence” — and unbecoming habit for a law enforcement official.  They were so desperate to make something of it, they contacted the NRA and probably the Trump campaign to get them to disavow me.)

Uh, yeah, that’s exactly what it sounds like. What do the voices in your head tell you, Sheriff Clarke? Something like this:

I’ve done nothing in 38 years of law enforcement to make any person believe that I incite violence, unless you believe that the right of self-defense which I advocate for, is inciting violence which this same media accused me of doing several years ago. Yet here goes the liberal, tolerant media giving liberals a pass while making plastering headlines across America that a black man’s conservative political rhetoric is actually violent.


That is who my tweet was directed at. I encourage them to join me in pushing back against the corruption that has infected our institutions of government. I took an oath to defend the Constitution of the United States, not the pretended legislation of federal bureaucracies that have no law making authority under the Constitution. That Constitution is being shredded with the aid of Big Media as I write. I guess that makes me old school. Fine. I haven’t forgotten that I report to the people, not Big Media.

Yes, like the Founding Fathers knew and had the courage to say, it is pitchfork and torches time in America.

I feel a liberal hernia coming on, y’all.

The most alarming thing about Clarke’s rant is that it makes no fucking sense whatsoever. The “pretended legislation” of federal bureaucracies? What the hell does that even mean? Does it have something to do with this doo-wop classic?

That makes about as much sense as Clarke’s tirade about hernias, pitchforks, and torches. Oh my.

The country seems to be divided between two camps right now: those who want to “burn it down” and those who want to build on the step-by-step incremental progress that is the stuff of democracy. The “burn it down” group is largely right-wing but I know a few lefties with an anarchic streak who think it would be a good idea. Why? I’ll never know. Slow and steady wins the race in a democratic society. The pace may be painful, especially in a fast-moving digital world but it beats the hell out of political arson.

David Clarke is a Joe Arpaio wannabe. It’s a good thing his extreme views will make it difficult for him to be elected to higher office. It is, however, scary that this tin foil hat wearing paranoid holds a responsible position. It is even more distressing that a black “conservative” is advocating mob action. I hope the voters of Milwaukee County  will take him out at the next election; not with pitchforks and torches but with votes.

I feel one more tiki torch tune coming on. Speaking of pretenders, I’ll give Jackson Browne and David Lindley the last word:

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – Dogs of Whore edition

Good morning, everyone!

Just in case you didn’t know – IT’S WAR!!

It’s Not an Election. It’s a War.
American Thinker ^ | October 15, 2016 | Debbie Hallberg

Posted on 10/15/2016, 7:21:02 PM by Kaslin

There are an awful lot of people out there who still think this is a conventional election, that we are choosing between two candidates on the basis of experience, policies, and character.

This is not a conventional election. This is, as the late, great Andrew Breitbart put it, “war!”

An all-out culture war.

It’s not a war that conservatives started or have ever wanted. It is a war that has been thrust on us. But if we don’t treat it as a war, if we don’t take it seriously as a war, we will lose and lose miserably. We will lose not just for the next four years, but for the next 40 years, and possibly the next 400 years.

In other words, this is not a skirmish or a tiny battle, as the #NeverTrump crowd imagines. If we don’t defeat the enemy in November, there may not be another chance for a long time to come.

When you’re at war, your tactics change considerably. For your leader, you don’t want a gentleman warrior or an intellectual who is good at articulating ideas but not very good in the trenches. Those are peacetime leaders, perhaps, but not wartime generals.

At time of war, you pick a general who is tough as nails and will lead you confidently into battle and be victorious. You choose someone who knows how important it is, as Winston Churchill said, to “Never give up! Never give up! Never, never, never-never-never-never!”

The general you pick may be foul-mouthed, crude, or brusque. He may have any number of personal failings. Those things don’t matter in war. What matters is:

Is he on your side?

1 posted on 10/15/2016, 7:21:02 PM by Kaslin
Freepers – will you stand up and be counted??
To: Kaslin


The war is essentially between freedom and slavery.

2 posted on 10/15/2016, 7:25:21 PM by MtnClimber (For photos of Colorado scenery and wildlife, click on my screen name for my FR home page.)

To: The_Media_never_lie


I pray there is a patriotic general left.

42 posted on 10/15/2016, 8:46:55 PM by mcshot (The “Greatest Generation” would never have allowed the trashing of our Republic.)

Some of the Freeperati have gotten the dim feeling that their bubble has gotten a lot smaller:
To: MtnClimber


I am having a hard time putting up with my liberal relatives. Most elections, I laugh off their stupidity. This time, I do not care if they get offended by the truth.

6 posted on 10/15/2016, 7:33:04 PM by LYDIAONTARIO



I haven’t spoken to my sister in over 10 years because she is a damn liberal.

21 posted on 10/15/2016, 7:57:12 PM by Quickgun (I got here kicking,screaming and covered in someone else’s blood. I can go out that way if I have to)

Love your sig line: “I got here kicking,screaming and covered in someone else’s blood. I can go out that way if I have to”.
Whatever you like.  I doubt anyone will miss you (certainly not your sister).
Or to put it another way:
To: Quickgun


My brother is a stupid libtard too and I only talk to him during Christmas and Thanksgiving.

45 posted on 10/15/2016, 8:49:34 PM by max americana (fired every liberal in our company at every election cycle..and laughed at their faces (true story))

Oh – I love Max Americana!  Remember when he said :
To: TurboZamboni


Yup. From fudgepackers to dykes.

13 posted on Wednesday, January 23, 2013 2:44:37 PM
by max americana
(Make the world a better place by punching a liberal in the face)
Whatta guy.  Let me just doxx him again, real quick-like:

“Max Headroom? Well, he did make an appearance at the Royal Canadian Legion car show:

Which leads to this (note the top winner):

Which leads to this:

30 years ago, this info would have cost me $10,000 +
Today, It cost me 10 minutes of my time.”


Was that as good for you as it was for me?
Much more after the revolutionary fold…

Continue reading

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Fundraising Ends — Thank You All!

Thanks to the contributors who helped First Draft hit its goal. I’m informing the chinchillas that we are Making Them Great Again, by which I mean hit the road, we’re gonna get a lemur up in here.

In all sincerity, thank you all for supporting what we do here. On to the next debate!


Sunday Final Fundraising Day

So, so close. We’re only $300 away from our goal right now! 

Do you want a paid van for the next debate and election night, that doesn’t smell like whatever the cats puked up when I took that hard left at Albuquerque? Do you want MOAR MOAR MOAR videos, pet pics, essays about bad cartoons and worse presidential candidates? Wanna carry us across the finish line and make sure you can stop seeing these posts?

Then CONTRIBUTE TODAY, and thank you! 


You Wouldn’t Think We Had an Asshole Shortage Right Now

And yet, Douthat: 

I RISE to offer a defense — not a full-throated defense, more of a limited one — of the beleaguered, battered, all-but-broken religious right.

Of course you do, honey.

For the last two weeks we’ve watched various paladins of traditional valuestwist and squirm as they try to square their Christian conservatism with Donald Trump’s sexual attitudes and conduct.

You spelled “try to square their Christian conservatism with their endless stupidity and lust for power” wrong.

They sought a remoralized politics, a less licentious culture, and now they’re making lesser-of-two-evil arguments to protect a pagan demagogue from the consequences of his own unbridled lust.

They sought to gain money and advantage through pretending to their congregants that they were going to criminalize abortion and cleanse society, when really all they were going to do was demonize gay people and poor women, bitch about TV they secretly watched, and screw their mistresses on church property.

This is a grim endgame for a movement that just a little over a decade ago had liberals fearing its electoral strength and allegedly-theocratic ambitions. And for those liberals today, the religious right’s crisis tastes like victory and vindication both: Those theocrats are finally cracking up, and Trump has proved that all their talk about virtue and character was just partisanship, with no real moral substance underneath.

In this year of general political misery, I don’t begrudge anyone their share of schadenfreude. But here are four points to keep in mind.


Before we get to your four bullshit points here are two of my own. One: Yes, you do, or you wouldn’t be writing this scold-y column more in sorrow than in anger, woe is you, etc.

Two: Nothing about the demonization of women and gay people for four decades “tastes like victory.” For 40 years, as the AIDS crisis raged and young men and women came out of the closet to be beaten on the street, as young men and women pushed back against a culture that said they were worthless, the religious right was yelling into microphones that these kids were sick and God hated them. People DIED from that and those bodies are on the religious right.

Is it a characteristic of sociopaths that they think everyone else is a sociopath too? Tastes like victory. How dare you. Tell it to the dead.

First, serious religious conservatives didn’t want Trump. Yes, he had hacks and heretics on his side from early on: Jerry Falwell Jr., Mike Huckabee, various prosperity preachers. But most churchgoing Republicans preferred other candidates; only 15 percent of weekly churchgoers were steady Trump supporters from the start.

Yet they all climbed on board once he became the nominee, because the alternative was that liberal abortion-loving hellbeast, wasn’t it? They all punched their tickets and Ross wants to quarrel about what time they showed up, like being late is only good for half the credit.

Second, religious conservatives have stronger reasons than other right-wing constituencies to fear a Clinton presidency. Tax rates go up and down, regulations come and go, but every abortion is a unique human life snuffed out forever.

Oh, for chrissakes. I don’t expect intellectual honesty from someone who publicly professes sympathy for the religious “right” but I do expect him to read his own newspaper: 

The numbers began to fall late in George H. W. Bush’s presidency and plummeted during the Clinton years. There were 180,000 fewer abortions in Mr. Clinton’s last year as president than in his first year. But that trend line flattened out so that the declines in Mr. Bush’s first term were tiny.

The religious right got the president they wanted in George W. Bush. He had congressional majorities and nearly unprecedented support from the American public and he did not deliver the wholesale criminalization of abortion religious conservatives had been promised for decades. He did not even bother to push for his constitutional amendment to ban marriage equality until it was obvious nothing was going to happen there. His Supreme Court justices couldn’t stop same sex marriage, and outright upheld Obamacare. So spare me the “but a Clinton presidency” “but the Supreme Court” rationalizations.

Next up, it’s the “but the church picnic gets awkward when I wear my Hillary button” argument:

Asking Christian conservatives to accept a Clinton presidency is asking them to cooperate not only with pro-abortion policy-making, but also their own legal-cultural isolation. If you can’t see why some people in that situation might persuade themselves that Trump would be the lesser evil, you need to work harder to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Okay. I’ll put myself in the position of supporting a literal fascist because it’s uncomfortable to admit that I voted for Trump at the PTA meetings. Wow, these shoes suck because I’M A GIANT BUTTHOLE. Legal-cultural isolation. Hork. THOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. “Cultural isolation” has to do with not seeing every single thing you believe in validated on the evening news, is what I imagine Ross is getting at here. I don’t have to imagine what that would be like because every Sunday I open the damn paper and there Ross is.

As for legal isolation: Hillary will not lock her political opponents up. That’s the other guy. That’s actually a thing he said.

Third, religious conservatives are as divided as any other conservative faction over Trump.

Poor you guys. Divided over whether to support a serial sexual predator. Do you genuinely think this makes you look sympathetic? This is your DEFENSE of the religious right? That you feel kind of squishy when considering whether someone who brags about sexual assault should be your Godly vote? I’d hate to see you assail the movement, if this is how you attempt to exculpate them.

When religious conservatives were ascendant, the G.O.P. actually tried minority outreach, it sent billions to fight AIDS in Africa, it pursued criminal justice reform in the states. That ascendance crumbled because of the religious right’s own faults (which certain of Trump’s Christian supporters amply display), and because of trends toward secularization and individualism that no politics can master; it cannot and should not be restored.

But some kind of religious conservatism must be rebuilt, because without the pull of transcendence, the future of the right promises to be tribal, cruel, and very dark indeed.

When the religious right was actually in OFFICE nobody could get AIDS drugs here in the U.S., and if by criminal justice reform you mean mandatory minimum sentencing that devastated minority communities, but hey, at least you “tried” minority outreach. You gave being a human in the modern world your VERY BEST SHOT!

And what the bloody blue fuck is “the pull of transcendence?” Does Ross mean the general cloaking of punishing the poor in the language of the divine? Because I’m more than happy to see that burn in all seven hells. If Trump has done anything, he’s made the religious right honest about what it wants: Power, and money, and grabbing some pussy.

I understand how that gives Ross and his ilk a sad, because they made a bet 10 years ago that they’d always be at the cool party, but let’s not pretend this is some kind of spiritual crisis.



Sunday Morning Video: The Temptations Live

Our annual fundraiser is heading into the homestretch. I don’t know about my colleagues but I still ain’t too proud to beg. Please donate to first Draft so we can keep on keeping on. For more details, read what Athenae has to say.

This week’s SMV begins with a Temptations set from 1983. The lineup features Dennis Edwards as the primary vocalist. He had some pretty snazzy dance moves as well.

The second clip is an excerpt from a show featuring former Temptations David Ruffin, Eddie Kendricks, and our old buddy Dennis Edwards. Dennis replaced Ruffin in the Temps and sang lead on some of their grittier numbers such as Ball of Confusion and Papa Was A Rolling Stone.

Finally, here are Kendricks and Ruffin at Live Aid with Hall & Oates:

I hope you’re tempted to donate now.

Saturday Odds & Sods: Blues In The Night


Harlequin and Pierrot by Andre Derain, 1924.

Let’s get something out of the way. It’s still hotter than it should be in New Orleans. Fall has fallen with a thud as it may end up as the warmest October in recorded history. End of black market weather report.

In this week’s spirit of deja vu all over again (thanks, Yogi) I promised an update on beleaguered Jefferson Parish President, Mike Yenni. The sexting bastid is still in office after telling the public that it was “in my best interests” to stay. That inspired a scathing teevee commentary by the man with one of the best names in punditry, Clancy DuBos. The video won’t embed but the text rocks:

When Mike Yenni couldn’t avoid facing reporters yesterday, here’s what he said about his decision not to resign:

“It’s in my best interest to do what I was elected to do,” he said Monday.

Think about that statement, folks. He’s saying that his interests are more important than those of Jefferson Parish and its people. His interests.

This is a good time to remember the original Mike Yenni — the real Mike Yenni — and his father, Joe Yenni. They are revered because, as parish presidents, they always put the parish’s and the people’s interests ahead of their own.

This guy, who was born Mike Maunoir but changed his name to Yenni, now makes it clear through his actions and his words that he is not worthy of the Yenni name.

For the sake of the parish, he should resign.

Ouch. I think Yenni is hanging on in order to have something to trade with prosecutors if charges loom. A poll was taken showing that 79% of JP voters want his name changing ass gone. Double ouch. I wonder if there will be a Downfall video any time soon.

The only recourse Jeffersonians have is a recall election. It will be tough but a Metry lawyer, whose father used to be one of the bosses of that parish who was tried but acquitted of corruption charges in 1995, is pledging $100K of his own moolah. You cannot make this shit up, y’all.

That concludes this episode of “As Jefferson Parish Turns.” Cue the Hammond B-3 organ. No, not B3 that’s a different kettle of fish altogether.

My mama done tole me to move on to this week’s theme song. Blues In The Night was written by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer as the title song of a mediocre 1941 movie. The tune has become a classic thanks to all the fabulous versions out there. We have three versions for your enjoyment today. Let’s kick it off with a jazzy rendition by Louis Armstrong and Oscar Peterson.

Here’s Frank Sinatra and Nelson Riddle’s torch song interpretation.

Finally, a 21st Century version from the late, great neo-chanteuse Amy Winehouse.

My Mama done tole me to go to the break before we send in the scary clowns.

Continue reading

Fundraising Final Stretch

The First Draft fundraising link is staying up through Sunday because, well, we only do this once a year. We don’t need tens of thousands of dollars ever quarter like the Freepi, because we don’t have as much of our souls to try to get out of hock, but we do want to keep the experience ad-free and pay for a nice van for election night so people stop getting kicked out and left by the side of the road. And right now our total stands short of that, less than half the number of contributors we had last year.

I don’t love admitting that. It’s not about guilting you into giving. It’s about feeling guilty I haven’t given people enough reason to support us. I know back when we started there were like six political blogs and whatever the fuck Andrew Sullivan was doing, and probably by now we should have all gotten real jobs and moved on.

But. Whenever I think about shutting the site down at some point in the future, I think about the people who read us and have for years, and who come around for every van we have, for whom we do what we do. It’s not just about having a place for US to talk (though, holy hell, without it I’m pretty sure we would have all gone crazy this election), it’s about having this place, for us to talk with you. I read every single comment on everything that gets published, even if I don’t respond, and you make us better, smarter, more open and compassionate and aware, every single day.

If you care about that, if you value that, consider contributing. If you think someone else already has and your support isn’t necessary or won’t make a difference, trust me, it is and it will.

If you’ve already contributed, thank you! If not, here’s the link.


A Stronger Letter Will Follow…

Angelo Drossos, who owned the San Antonio Spurs during their ABA days, was a hard-charging Greek businessman who was known to have an incredibly bluntness about him, especially when he knew he was right.

The most famous story about him, retold in his own words in Terry Pluto’s classic book “Loose Balls,” involves his purchase of future-Hall-of-Fame shooter George “Ice” Gervin. Drossos had purchased Gervin from the failing Virginia Squires, only to have the team’s owner (Earl Foreman) come down with a case of seller’s remorse. The league president, Mike Storen, sided with Foreman and demanded Gervin be returned to Virginia. He threatened Drossos with a number of unsavory penalties in a series of telegrams and letters.

Drossos responded in a telegram only he could have written:

“Fuck you. A stronger letter will follow.”

I thought of Drossos and his way with words today when I read the NY Times’ legal response to Trump’s demand that the paper retract a story that accused him of groping two women.

Trump is no stranger to the legal system, nor is he unwilling to sue at the drop of a hat. My favorite Trump suit is the one he filed against comedian Bill Maher, who accused him of being fathered by an orangutan. It wasn’t a libel suit, however, as Trump was actually suing for a breach of contract. Maher had jokingly noted that he’d give $5 million to the Hair Club for Men in Trump’s name if he could produce a birth certificate that proved Trump’s mom wasn’t fucking a simian in the zoo.

(Shockingly, the case never got very far.)

However, the concept of libel is one that scares even the best journalists. Nobody wants to be sued in general, but libel suits are often dicey because you often have legal interpretation meeting issues of “polite society.” Judges can often be offended by content and thus take it out on the messengers.

When I teach libel to my reporting kids, I often point out that truth is the ultimate defense against libel. Sure, if you report that the governor stole money from the state to buy Corvettes for underage prostitutes the guy is going to look bad and want to sue you. However, if you can prove this is all true, you should be OK in court.

Most people use the “truth shield” as the safest venue for fighting a suit like this.

David McCraw decided to go at this a different way, which is why he is now my new personal legal man-crush.

McCraw instead doubles down on the idea of libel in his letter, pointing out that “the essence of a libel claim, of course, is the protection of one’s reputation.” He then goes on to point out how there is virtually no way to ruin Trump’s reputation, because he’s such a vile, stupid, sexually fucked up nut wad. He lists a series of items that demonstrate Trump’s own statements basically paint him as exactly the kind of guy who is likely to grope women, and thus the article is essentially par for the course.

As one of my good friends pointed out, it’s not every day that a lawyer gets to write the phrases “libel per se” and “piece of ass” in the same letter.

The letter then takes on a more conventional approach, in which McCraw notes that the paper did what the law allows by publishing “newsworthy information about a subject of deep public concern.” He also states that if Trump doesn’t like it and thinks he can use the law to crush his critics, “we welcome the opportunity to have a court set him straight.”

In other words: Fuck you.

And in deference to the late Angelo Drossos, I don’t think even HE could write a stronger letter that could follow this.

Friday Catblogging: Ain’t Too Proud To Beg

You may have noticed that it’s pledge week here at your local PBS station. I must be confused, it’s First Draft’s annual fundraiser. Oscar and Della wanted to help in their own inimitable styles with a little help at the end from the Temptations. For more details about donating, please CLICK HERE. 


The please was from Oscar. Della takes what she wants and asks later.


The Temptations are more polite than Devil-Eyed Della so I’ll give them the last word.

Ready for some rock-n-roll lagniappe?

The Ugly Underneath

I was in good mood this afternoon. I’d been writing this week’s Saturday post, which is always great fun. I tuned out the events of the day until a little before three in the afternoon. Then, I checked out TPM and learned that the latest Trump Toddler Tantrum was a Teutonic one complete with anti-Semitic code words. It was depressing confirmation of my choice to renounce Godwin’s Law this campaign season. Here’s a reminder of what that means: mention the Nazis in any discussion and you lose.

That’s no longer true in 2016 thanks to Donald Trump and his merry band of B3 Brownshirts. There’s so much thuggishness today that I don’t know where to begin. Let’s start with the bit that inspired this post title. You know, when the Insult Comedian said he didn’t sexually assault Natasha Stoynoff because she wasn’t hot enough:

Donald Trump on Thursday attacked a former People Magazine reporter who alleged Trump forcibly kissed her while she was reporting at his Mar-a-Lago estate in 2005, implying that he could not have forced himself on her because he was not attracted to her.

“She’s doing the story on Melania, who is pregnant at the time, and Donald Trump and our one year anniversary,” Trump said at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida. “And said I made inappropriate advances, and by the way, it was a public area and people all over the place.”

“Take a look. You take a look. Look at her. And look at her words,” Trump said. “And you tell me what you think. I don’t think so. I don’t think so.”

I wasn’t sure whether to vomit or be angered by this nonsense. I chose the latter response. I don’t even know what this fuckwit is on about. His libido knows no boundaries. The only one who’s ugly in this discussion is Trump who has allowed the ugly underneath to come into public view. If the “grab her by Billy Bush” tape is to be believed, Trump will fuck anyone female within tongue or Tic-Tac range. Sorry for the extreme crudity but when dealing with a man who is willing to “burn it all down,” you have to fight fire with fire. Fuck you, Donald. You’re losing. Time to stop abusing the country with your vile bullshit.

In the big picture, Trump’s Protocols of the Elders of Zion infused conspiracy speech was even more disgusting. It’s another reason why I’m writing out of anger today. I prefer to be ice to Athenae’s fire but that’s impossible this afternoon. The scariest thing about the Trump campaign is the way it has attracted neo-Nazis and allowed them to dip their toes into the mainstream as it were. Trump never says the word Jew and uses his son-in-law as a human shield to protect him from charges of anti-Semitism. But anyone who knows history understands what he’s talking about, even if he’s too stupid to understand what these code words mean:

Trump laid out a series of elaborate connections between political, corporate, and media elites whose vast conspiracy he claimed included shipping jobs overseas at the expense of American workers and using stories of his past sexual misconduct to prevent him from winning the presidency and robbing them of their power.

“It is a global power structure that is responsible for the economic decisions that have robbed our working class, stripped our country of its wealth and put the money in the pockets of a handful of large corporations and political entities. Just look at what the corrupt establishment has done to our cities like Detroit, Flint, Michigan and rural towns in Pennsylvania, Ohio, North Carolina, and all cross our country. Take a look at what is going on. They’ve stripped away the towns bare and raided the wealth for themselves and taken our jobs away, out of our country, never to return unless I’m elected president,” he said.

“The Clinton machine is at the center of this power structure,” Trump continued. “We have seen this in the WikiLeaks documents in which Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends, and her donors.”

I’m shocked he didn’t mention Goldman, Sachs and the Sulzbergers by name. I guess that would be too obviously anti-Semitic for the B3 Brownshirts in charge of the campaign. The whole thing reeks of the post-Great War “stab in the back” conspiracy theory used by the German right to undercut the feeble democracy that replaced autocracy in the interwar period until, that is, the Nazis came to power. Remember: they were elected and once in government they destroyed all democratic institutions. They, too, were into “burning it down.” They set the Reichstag ablaze, blamed it on the Communists, and banned all other political parties.

The good news is that Trump is going to lose; bigly. The bad news is that right-wing extremists have captured one of our major political parties. The B3 Brownshirts are infinitely worse than the teabaggers. I’m not alone in being concerned what happens if a less self-destructive, more intelligent demagogue *continues* the takeover of the Republican Party. It *can* happen here. I never thought I’d say that but I just did.

I think it’s important for those of us who know history to take a firm stand against Trumpism. That’s why I’ve started comparing him to Hitler at his least disciplined. Hitler had the good sense to *keep* the ugly underneath until he had enough support to enact his racist program. Trump has no self-control but he is every bit as ugly, which is why he needs to lose in a landslide. Some of us are worried that he’ll refuse to concede on election eve, whip his supporters into a frenzy, and provoke a sort of American Kristalnacht. The good news is that most Trumpers are, well, pussies and are unlikely to riot if it’s a blow-out. Let’s hope so.

Tweet Of The Day: Strategic Malakatude Edition

Team Trump is going full Breibart in the homestretch of the 2016 campaign. No, make that Breitbart-Bannon-Bossie Man since Bannon and Bossie are behind it. Their focus will be their opponent’s husbands’s zipper issues. I am not making this up: they don’t live on the same planet as the rest of us. It will work about as well as the whole “attack your own party” thing.

The B3 “strategy” was announced before the latest wave of accusations against the Insult Comedian. My favorite reaction came from Business Insider senior editor and prolific tweeter, Josh Barro:

In a word: NO. This is a toddler tantrum in strategic drag and I, for one, refuse to share a bathroom with it. B3 and their ally Roger (The Ratfucker) Stone want to “burn it down,” even if they’re still inside the house.

I’m not sure whether B3 and Roger the Ratfucker should be called arsonists or pyromaniacs. Both words fit like a custom glove on tiny fingers. They could always get one for each hand in size extra-small.

It’s time for a few more tweets. I got off a pretty good one myself:

While I’m self-quoting, here’s a tweet with a visual aid courtesy of an ab fab UK satire magazine:

I think, however, that the tweet that wins the election is a few weeks old. It comes from a certain Tulane graduate, former Cincinnati Mayor, talk show host, and self-described “ringmaster of civilization’s end:”