Monthly Archives: October 2016

To get better coverage try nominating the least worst candidate next time

No, there is no conspiracy to not report on Wikileaks and Hillary’s e-mail and how damn dumb about everything everyone in DC seems to be (if you needed Julian Assange to reveal this to you, I have a candidate for president I’d like to sell you). It’s just that the Republican Party nominated A SERIAL SEXUAL PREDATOR with the impulse control of an overwound spaniel and the vocabulary of the Freepi comments.

Even I, thrower of things at the local news during sweeps week’s “X common household item could be killing your children” segments, can understand the news value of “insane racist is being run for president like it’s NBD” over “conventional politician acted in conventional, gross ways.”

On the one hand, you have Hillary Clinton and her team of nitwits being rude in writing, which is so, so stupid. Just use SnapChat to shit-talk other people, guys. Teenagers have figured this out. On the other hand, you have a man who threw coke parties with underage girls and thinks “grab them by the pussy” is a funny, cute thing to say AND DO.

There’s really no excuse for bitching about a conspiracy to conceal information that somehow everyone seems to have anyway. If your thing is not getting America’s attention, that is your thing’s fault. It is not some other thing’s fault. The news, as I keep telling people in journalism, is not a bowl of sugar. There isn’t room, especially now with the Internets, for only so much and then the end of it. And NEWSFLASH if you know about shit, chances are someone told you, and if someone told you, that means the information got out and was free and all was as it should have been.

We can argue all day long about emphasis and order, and I will, but spare me the whining that your horrible candidate is being covered as the most horrible candidate. You had a chance to not have that happen BY NOT NOMINATING A HORRIBLE CANDIDATE. Parts of this WERE under your control.

A.

Grow a Pair, ABA

For Chrissakes: 

WASHINGTON — Alarmed by Donald J. Trump’s record of filing lawsuits to punish and silence his critics, a committee of media lawyers at theAmerican Bar Association commissioned a report on Mr. Trump’s litigation history. The report concluded that Mr. Trump was a “libel bully” who had filed many meritless suits attacking his opponents and had never won in court.

But the bar association refused to publish the report, citing “the risk of the A.B.A. being sued by Mr. Trump.”

David J. Bodney, a former chairman of the media-law committee, said he was baffled by the bar association’s interference in the committee’s journal.

“It is more than a little ironic,” he said, “that a publication dedicated to the exploration of First Amendment issues is subjected to censorship when it seeks to publish an article about threats to free speech.”

You’re a group of LAWYERS. Oooh, Donald Trump might sue you? IF ONLY YOU HAD SOME LEGAL COUNSEL ON HAND. Gosh darn, if only you had access to people with knowledge of the court system!

Unlike, say, every other group Trump and his idiot village targets, like undocumented immigrants, women in beauty pageants, bereaved military parents, members of minority religious groups, and 10-year-old girls. THOSE are the people who have legitimate reason to fear Trump. People without legal resources to tell him to go fuck himself.

Those are the people who will be infinitely better off when this jackass is not in any danger of being president, and if you can help that day come a little sooner you really have no excuse not to. You have power here, even if it’s a small power, and that means you have an obligation to use that power to help someone else.

This is exactly right, by the way:

The report concluded that Mr. Trump had lost four suits, withdrawn two and obtained one default judgment in a private arbitration when a former Miss Pennsylvania failed to appear to contest the matter.

“Donald J. Trump is a libel bully,” the report concluded. “Like most bullies, he’s also a loser, to borrow from Trump’s vocabulary.”

The bar association sought to eliminate that conclusion, which Ms. Seager said was the point of her report.

“I wanted to alert media lawyers that a lot of these threats are very hollow,” she said.

Something I learned during my reporting days: Most people who are going to sue you just sue you. They don’t waste time yelling about suing you, or sending you letters saying they will sue you someday. They just serve your ass and go on about their days. If they’re screaming down the phone about their lawyers it’s because the lawyers have already told them there’s nothing they can do.

A.

Gret Stet Politics: Drinking Weed Killer With John Neely Kennedy

Weed killer? Say what? It’s a stock punch line for Gret Stet Senate race frontrunner and State Treasurer John Neely Kennedy (R-Hack.) If there’s something he dislikes, he’s apt to reply: “I’d rather drink weed killer than” do that. Me, I’d rather drink weed killer than vote for this shameless opportunist. Why? This is his third run for the Senate and I voted for him the first time. In 2004, Neely was still a Democrat and ran as the most liberal candidate in the field. I saw him at a John Kerry rally on the New Orleans riverfront and he gave the best speech by far. He finished third in the primary with 15% of the vote. Bitter Vitter won it outright. Thanks, Neely.

The next time Neely ran for Senate was in 2008 as a Conservative Republican. This time he opposed incumbent Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu. He lost with 45.7% of the vote, running way behind John McCain who got 58.6%. In 2016, Neely is running as a steely-eyed no nonsense right-winger in the Vitter tradition only without the diapers…

Here’s the thing you need to know about John Neely Kennedy. He sounds like a redneck ignoramus in the ads below. He is not. I’ve met him. In conversation, he has a mildly twangy Southern accent whereas his current public persona “hicks it up” to appeal to the rubes and peckerwoods. He sounds like a graduate of Podunk U when, in fact, he attended Vanderbilt, UVA law school, and was a Rhodes Scholar. That’s right, Oxford, England, just like Slick Willie who Neely surely voted for twice.

I will give Neely credit for one thing. He was a consistent, albeit somewhat unprincipled, critic of Governor PBJ’s fiscal skulduggery, which is one reason he’s the jerk to beat. Actually, there are no pro-PBJ candidates. He’s that unpopular right now.

The first ad is called Fighting for Louisiana. I call it the genius/idiot spot. It has a weed killer finale, man. Bottoms up.

The title of the second ad is self-explanatory. It closes with what Neely’s advisers probably think is a brilliant line: “I believe that love is the answer but you oughta own a hand gun just in case.” Oy, just oy.

The last ad is Neely’s reprehensible national security screed wherein he advocates shooting first and asking questions later. He may well have forfeited the goat lovers vote with the closing line.

There you have it. Neely’s handlers *think* the ads are amusing, but how funny is it when a well-educated man panders to the basest instincts of the Republican base? It’s also ludicrous for a guy who’s been in office since 2000 to pose as an outsider. It’s downright Trumpian.

I am not a fan of any of the candidates but I do hope that the third time will NOT be the charm for John Neely Kennedy.

That’s Why I Call Him The Insult Comedian: Charting The Insults

The New York Times has been making up for lost time in going after Donald Trump. They coddled him during the GOP primaries, then engaged in both-siderism at the start of the General Election before realizing this is not your ordinary Presidential candidate. Better late than never, y’all.

The fine folks at the NYT’s Upshot have compiled a comprehensive list of the 281 things, people, and places the Insult Comedian has insulted on the Tweeter Tube. Here’s a link to the dictionary of malakatude. There’s an accompanying article as well. What’s a soloist without an accomplished accompanist? What’s an insult dictionary without a dick? Trump is the guy who puts the dick in dictionary, after all. Believe me or be a sleepy-eyed dope with dog breath. Time for a musical interlude with Frank Zappa and the Mothers featuring Flo and Eddie:

I saw Tony Schwartz on AM Joy yesterday. He said that Trump has about a 200 word vocabulary and the dictionary of malakatude proved that he’s right. There are many recurring slurs and insults. Believe me.

Trump claims to be trying to woo Berners. Here’s the Bernie Sanders entry complete with links to the original tweet:

The Upshot’s Encyclopedia of Trump’s Twitter Insults reminds me of a book I had as a kid. I was book shopping with my mom one day. I was a yuuuge fan of the Borscht Belt comedians who appeared on teevee when I was young: Henny Youngman, Jack Carter, Fat Jack Leonard, Alan King, Don Rickles and, of course, my nicknamesake, Shecky Greene. I saw this book and had to have it:

2000 Insults

My mother acquiesced and that’s why they call me Shecky.

Today on Tommy T’s Obsession with the Freeperati – poll position edition

Polls, polls polls – everybody loves them – right?

ABC News poll: Clinton leads Trump 50-38
ABC News ^

Posted on 10/23/2016, 8:29:55 AM by GregBo

Hillary Clinton has vaulted to a double-digit advantage in the inaugural ABC News 2016 election tracking poll, boosted by broad disapproval of Donald Trump on two controversial issues: His treatment of women and his reluctance to endorse the election’s legitimacy.

******

I need to confirm the sampling for this poll, but I do not believe for a minute that this is anywhere near accurate.
1 posted on 10/23/2016, 8:29:55 AM by GregBo
And this is the thanks the poster gets for passing on the news (and doubting it personally)
To: GregBo

 

Well, why the HELL didn’t you “check the veracity” BEFORE you posted it? TROLL.

You are a Never Trumper, right?

Or, maybe a Hillary paid activist?

Why the hell would a poll from one of these news agencies sworn to defeat Trump have a “reliable” poll?

Get lost and take your damn phony poll with you. Just joined a few days ago. PHONY!

9 posted on 10/23/2016, 8:35:15 AM by ZULU (Where the HELL ARE PAUL RYAN AND MITCH MCCONNELL ?????)

angermanagement-kitty
To: GregBo

 

concerned troll joined 9 days ago !
oct 14 and peddles a dem plus 10 garbage poll ,

slow day at du troll

44 posted on 10/23/2016, 8:45:12 AM by ncalburt

angermanagementgun
The OP replies :
To: ZULU
You are wrong. I am a Trump supporter and I don’t believe any of the MSM polls. I posted several polls on FR since I joined. Do you always get angry and jump to conclusions?
50 posted on 10/23/2016, 8:47:42 AM by GregBo
Was that a trick question?
To: GregBo

 

Why are you posting this worthless crap here? Why don’t you go back to DU.

54 posted on 10/23/2016, 8:49:01 AM by SamAdams76

angermanagementhotline
To: GregBo
Greg? It’s time to do the honorable thing. We’ll tell your family you fell facing the foe:

 

86 posted on 10/23/2016, 9:04:11 AM by Byron_the_Aussie (choo choo)
And all this time, I thought “shoot the messenger” was just an expression…
To: GregBo

 

I’ve had enough of the Debbie Downers polluting this forum with crap polls.

89 posted on 10/23/2016, 9:04:52 AM by SamAdams76

angermanagementbitch
One Freeper tries to inject a little truth :
To: DiogenesLamp
Read his other posts. He does not seem like a troll. 

People here need to knock it off with the troll stuff and pull their heads out of the sand.

Donald Trump, the only candidate I’ve ever sent money to, and I’ve now sent him money on multiple occasions, is losing bigly. I will stand in line however long it takes to cast my vote for Trump/Pence here in the swing state of Florida but it will be for naught. Trump will be defeated. Fifty years of allowing the Democrats to import voters from the Third World is not without consequences.

People think this is the same country that elected Reagan twice. It isn’t. That country is gone. It’s now the same country that elected Obama twice.

Trump will do better than polling indicates but it won’t be enough. This hidden “monster vote” is the stuff of legend, 2016’s version of the “unskewed polls” nonsense we were buying last time around.

It will take divine intervention to put Trump in the White House.

70 posted on 10/23/2016, 8:55:51 AM by Drew68
Rebuttal?
To: Drew68
Cruzbot? Despair Troll?You need to get out more.

131 posted on 10/23/2016, 9:39:38 AM by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
To: grey_whiskers
You need to get out more.  

That’s my problem. Life was easier when I never left Free Republic, a magical world of unicorns and fairy dust where it’s still Mulberry ( I think he meant “Mayberry” – Tommy ) of 1955.

134 posted on 10/23/2016, 9:42:24 AM by Drew68
Shazam
More De Nile after the jumpola :

 

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Tweet Of The Day: David Duke Hearts Julian Assange

I couldn’t figure out how to use an emoji in the post title so I used the word “hearts” to describe David Duke’s man crush on Julian Assange. Dukkke even trades virtual mash notes with Assange’s henchmen:

There’s another meme-y love note from the erstwhile Gret Ster Fuhrer to his white savior:

Since we’re on the subject of Assange, there’s a fabulous piece at the Daily Beast by one of his former senior aides, James Ball. It turns out that Assange wanted to loot the organization’s treasury to fund his legal defense. Holy messiah complex, Batman.

We Don’t Need to Heal. We Need to Win.

Continuing a theme from the last post, HILLZ BABY JUST ENJOY RIGHT NOW OKAY: 

Campaign officials stress they are not taking the outcome of the election for granted. But Clinton and her team have begun thinking about how to position their candidate during the postelection period. Long one of the country’s most polarizing political figures, Clinton has begun telling audiences she’ll need their help in healing the country.

“I’ve got to figure out how we heal these divides,” she said in a Friday interview with a Tampa radio station WBTP. “We’ve got to get together. Maybe that’s a role that is meant to be for my presidency if I’m so fortunate to be there.”

All due respect Madam President, but no, you don’t have to heal shit.

You and your party were not the ones out there screaming about locking up political opponents.

You and your party were not the ones tongue-kissing Putin and talking about the upsides of Saddam Hussein.

You and your party were not calling for the murder of journalists, using Nazi terminology or the word “cunt” as a comma.

You don’t have to heal nothin’.

Once and for all time, the onus of political healing is on THE PEOPLE WHO FUCKED UP. This country did not “become” divided because of “both sides” doing it. This country did not naturally develop a culture of political obstruction like a cold front rolling in, with nothing to be done but bundle up, and no one to blame but the gods.

This country’s political climate and culture were deliberately vandalized over the past four decades by one group of people determined to seize power and keep it at all costs. They refused to confirm qualified judges just because. They said feeding poor people was like keeping stray animals. They accused people who wanted to give other people health care of being Dr. Mengele and called our first black president an illegitimate foreigner. They openly admitted to pandering to people who hate them almost as much as they hate Democrats, and acted like they deserved some kind of award for surviving their own stupidity.

They’ve been driving around the national neighborhood waving flags and yelling FUCK ALL LIBTARD TRAITORS for 15 years now and we’ve had to pretend not to listen to it and say nice things like, “Hey, we love this country too” while they throw beer cans full of piss onto our lawns. We are under no obligation at this point to listen to anything they say.

We don’t all have to come together. We don’t all have to unite. We don’t all have to heal. Here is what “has” to happen.

Republicans have to lose. They have to lose the White House and both houses of Congress.

And then they have to apologize.

And then they have to sit down and shut up and let the party that DIDN’T NOMINATE A FASCIST SEXUAL PREDATOR do its fucking job.

They do that, and America will function as a country, and people will get fed and the lights will stay on as much as they ever have. Sure, lots of pundits will have a sad, and maybe there are nice Republicans who will have a sad, but things will work. The president does not function as national therapist and the job is not to have everybody feel good.

First of all, it’s impossible. They are going to fight Hillary on every single thing, and that’s the ones that don’t want her dead or aren’t openly supporting a man who wants her dead. They’re not going to “come together.” They’re not going to “heal the divide.” The divide writes their paychecks. It’s not in their interest to join hands for the good of the country.

Second, just fuck this. We have given Republicans time and again opportunities to act like human beings and all they did was nominate Donald Fucking Trump and endorse him and stand behind him and act like if they just made faces while he farted into the mic that would be enough to buy them out of purgatory. They’ve had half a hundred chances to be people and they blew every fucking one so no, we don’t have to heal. We have to win.

And if Donald Trump doesn’t want to concede, oh well. He can say whatever the fuck he wants. He can’t stop the inauguration. If she needs extra lawyers’ fees I think the Internet is good for it. He’s free to yell and scream and stamp his stupid feet and if anybody asks Madam President for comment, she’s kinda busy running the country at the moment, thanks very much.

A.

Delegitimizing Hillary Already

If Trump won we’d just tear everything down, us liberal rioters: 

Still, the need for a clear negative mandate is kind of obvious. Think, for a moment, how the country would be convulsed by a close election. Sure, the Trump people would shout that the system was rigged, and violence would be possible. Violence might be more likely, however, if Trump won, beginning perhaps in our cities and our campuses. Respectable America — our various elites — wouldn’t quietly defer to the legitimacy of a Trump presidency. Imagine what would happen if either candidate won the popular vote and lost in the Electoral College. We’re not talking Bush vs. Gore here.

Because it’s Hillary’s attendees yelling Nazi slogans at journalists.

Beating up protesters.

Threatening to “hang the bitch.”

It’s Hillary’s attendees in “cities” and “campuses” (meaning black and gay and young people) who are yelling about elections being stolen and conspiracies being fomented and dark alliances between the banks and the media (meaning Jews). It’s Hillary’s attendees calling for armed insurrection, albeit about as convincingly as they did for fighting the Islamofascist menace from their recliners.

In order to combat these threats, from imaginary Black Panthers and the six old hippies who are trying to figure out if they can get stoned enough to forget the past 40 years, Hillary should APOLOGIZE FOR WINNING.

No, really:

We can hope that Clinton will accept that negative mandate with the appropriate modesty and let America know she knows her victory was in many ways undeserved. We can hope.

Hear that, ladies?

Apologize for your existence once again. Make sure you don’t, you know, enjoy a success that thousands of other women fought and died for, that you worked your whole life for, that you struggled through unimaginable ugliness for. Don’t be so uncouth as to cheer or anything. Who do you think you are, a mediocre white man, or a sportsballer? GROSS.

Given everything she’s had to deal with this cycle, I hope Hillary Clinton takes a victory lap on this guy’s lawn, TPs his dad’s house and does an hourlong commercial running in red states that is just her flipping perfectly manicured double birds to everyone who didn’t vote for her. Fuck this noise. Trump has run an entire campaign from the Freeperville comments, indulging their every private grievance and insane fringe desire, and she should practice “appropriate modesty?”

Schmuck.

A.

Sunday Morning Video: Mark Knopfler-A Night In London

Here’s a 1996 show featuring guest appearances by Jools Holland and Sonny Landreth.

Saturday Odds & Sods: Just My Imagination

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The Legend of John Brown #19 by Jacob Lawrence.

I decided not to whinge about the heat to open the post this week. Why? We’ve had our first genuine cool front of the fall, that’s why. I was tempted to dance in the streets but that would be undignified even for me. I only dance in the streets during Carnival.

This week’s theme song was inspired by last week’s successful fundraiser. Posting the Temptations show and Oscar begging made me want to hear some more sweet, sweet soul music. Ain’t nothing sweeter than hearing Eddie Kendricks croon Just My Imagination (Running Away From Me.) It was written by Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong who specialized in funkier tunes than this lilting soul waltz. They nailed it: Just My Imagination went to number-1 on both the pop and R&B charts.

We begin with the Temptations’ glorious studio version produced by Norman Whitfield:

The Rolling Stones covered Just My Imagination on the 1978 album Some Girls. I’m terribly fond of the live version they did during their 1981 tour, which I saw at Candlestick Park in San Francisco. Here’s a backstage view of the Stones live in the swing state of Arizona:

You may have noticed that I didn’t use the entire title in the post header. There’s method to my madness for a change. There’s also a swell Cranberries song of the same title. Let’s give it a spin:

That video gave me butterflies: Irish butterflies. It’s time to regress from a butterfly to a larval caterpillar. Trust me, I know that’s impossible but I wrote myself into a corner. Guess it’s time to give y’all a break by going to the break.

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The Fog Of 21st Century History: Charting The Debates

Nate Silver and the crazy kids at FiveThirtyEight.com have compiled a fascinating debate chart. It verifies that Hillary Clinton kicked some Trump butt this year:

debate screen shot

Chart by FiveThirtyEight.com. Screen shot by Adrastos.

I knew that HRC won but I had no idea that it was by the widest margin this century. The biggest surprise was that Willard Mittbot Romney was the overall winner in 2012 in the quality polls. He tied Bill Clinton’s one debate record of +42, which occurred in the town hall debate whereat Poppy Bush checked his watch.  I also thought Kerry kicked ass by a bigger margin but W did have his hardcore supporters.

Silver’s conclusion is that the race has been decided. The sole question is the margin. I’ve been saying this since the Democratic Convention. Glad to have the numbers on my side. Time to play a a few songs titled It’s Over BUT please do not forget to vote. Don’t make me a liar, y’all:

A fart in church

One of the best parts about writing for this blog is the diversity of thought and experience of the readership. That’s not me blowing smoke. It’s true. I have found that I learned a lot about my own position on this big blue rock from hearing of the positions of others here than I learned anywhere else. Agreement, disagreement, whatever. It comes down to people coming at an idea I have from a variety of angles.

Never more is this true than in the field of religion, where not only do people come from various faiths, but various positions on faith, spirituality, organized religion and other “not for me, but do what you dig” ideologies. So this piece isn’t as much about me offering thought as me asking for the sounding board to bounce thoughts to me.

I spent a dozen years in Catholic school and remain a semi-regular participant in the ritual that is Saturday/Sunday mass. My kid is in Year Six of the schooling and gets more of that at home from my mother-in-law, who spent her whole life as an educator of the faith and a pretty “hardline Catholic” (if such a thing exists). My parents are active in the church back home: Dad’s an usher, Mom does the readings. They still attend the same church they got married in almost 50 years ago.

So that’s the set up for what happened two weeks ago as I took Mom to church on a Saturday afternoon when I was in town for our other religious ritual: The monthly baseball card show.

The new priest we got (we seem to be going through them at a fairly brisk pace) isn’t the world’s most likeable man. He met me for the first time about a month ago and noticed that I had lost a lot of hair as he had at some point in his life. “I like your haircut,” he said as he laughed.

Thanks, Father.

The bigger “problem” is that the man is hearing impaired, which makes him difficult to understand. To that end, he has his own personal deacon who does a lot of the talking for him, including the homily.

For those uninitiated in the faith, a deacon is a layman (all men still. My faith needs to grow up.) who serves as kind of a “caddy” for the priest. I’m sure some of them are decent people, but I’ve yet to meet one. My experience with deacons is that they are power-hungry, self-important assholes who believe that God has chosen them to fill the role. This man is like an Alpha Deacon in that regard. He has created rules that prohibit church members from approaching the altar during certain parts of the mass. He forbids readers to sit up front, which means they have to walk up to do the reading, walk back after the reading and then walk back to do the second reading. All of this makes no sense, as most readers are in their 70s and are lucky to be walking at all.

Above all else, however, this guy has that “presence” about him: Holier-than-thou. Smug. A Chosen One. He also looks like Ben from the Dilbert cartoons.

silverhair

So all of this conspired to let the priest give Deacon Dickhead the mic for the homily at mass two weeks ago.

My mother kind of captured my thoughts on what the homily should be for me: “I go there to feel better,” she said. “I want something that makes me feel inspired or at least like I shouldn’t feel bad about something that is happening in my life.”

I agree. Even if it’s a little more toward the fire-and-brimstone side, it can be helpful and inspiration.

The readings were good ones: Moses holding up his arms with the staff of God helps his people win a battle, but as he grew tired, his arms fell. When his arms fell, the opposition had the better of the battle. Thus, two guys gave him a place to sit and held up his arms for him. The Gospel was similarly about getting by with a little help from your friends. (I don’t complicate my faith, I guess…) Thus, I’m looking forward to a good bit of preaching, even given this guy’s limited capabilities.

Instead, I got a political lesson.

The guy got up there and started talking about the election and how neither candidate was good, but one of them was going to make it easier for people to get abortions and we can’t have that. He told some story about Hillary Clinton not clapping for Mother Theresa. He then told this “real story” about a guy who died:

A guy feels sick and goes to the doctor. He finds out he has a virulent strain of cancer that despite every effort, he can’t overcome.

He dies and meets God. “God,” he says. “Why do we have something horrible like cancer? Why can’t you send us a cure for cancer?”

“My child,” God replies. “I did send you a cure for cancer. But she was aborted because her mother wanted a boy.”

At the end of this horseshit, people broke out in applause.

In church.

During mass.

Did I mention we’re Catholic, where we don’t pretty much get jacked up about anything during church?

I could feel my field of vision narrowing and my head pounding as I saw a woman two pews up clapping like it was a Trump rally. I looked over at my mother who was just silent, so I had a hard time getting a feel from her about this.

When communion came (or as my kid once noted, “That time where you go up and get a cookie from the priest), Deacon Dickhead was running my line. I was torn between three actions:

  1. Stay put, take the thing, don’t embarrass mom
  2. Cut across the aisle to the other line, likely create a small scene, but feel better
  3. Stay put and when he says, “Body of Christ” respond with “Fuck you you fucking fuck” and then take a swing at the guy. Larger scene, but probably worth it once in a lifetime.

I went with the first one because it was my parents’ church and I didn’t want to bring shame on the family. I did the perfectly Catholic thing: I sucked it up and took it. At the end of mass, the priest made a point of complimenting the deacon and people applauded again. I wanted to tell them both to fuck off and die. I remained politely Catholic.

On the way to the car, I began with the “So…” line, only to have my mother start railing against this like she was Regan in “The Exorcist.” Certain words don’t sound natural coming out of the mouth of a 70-year-old woman on her way out of church.

Mom found them all.

It got so bad, she forced my father to avoid that topic of discussion at dinner, a meal that was accompanied by a big jolt of wine.

I spent the rest of that week bitching up a storm in my head. Separation of Church and State. Self-righteous prick. Use open records and FOIA the shit out of everything he ever did and hope he had a sexual rap battle with Ken Bone.

I still don’t know why this is eating at me so much. It’s not like the church ever would be in the “Do what you do, just don’t get any on me” kind of thing when it came to anything sex-based. I never imagined my faith to be OK with life not beginning when a man unhooked the woman’s bra. What is it about this one speech that really pissed me off?

Part of it was the messenger, I’m sure. I dislike people who enjoy talking the talk but have never been forced to walk the walk. I also dislike people who cling to false stereotypes of people that serve as strawmen for their bullshit. I REALLY don’t like bullies and this guy is one of those as well. He’s basically an asshole fondue of everything I hate, so I get that.

Part of it was the venue. When I’m watching a baseball game and I get a commercial for Trump or Ron Johnson or Viagra (all equally helpful in getting old angry white guys hard), I’m not thrilled, but it comes with the territory. I also know that my faith tells me God is supposed to be everywhere, and if you watched the ALCS, you know he’s with me when the Indians are playing. Still, when I’m in His house, I’m not watching commercials on my phone, so I’m thinking I’m safe from this shit.

Maybe there’s another part of me that has allowed me to kind of compartmentalize my faith into areas of agreement and areas I ignore. When I’m forced to confront those things I like to keep in the trunk of the car, it really irritates me. I don’t know.

What I do know is that for all the trouble this faith is having in keeping people engaged, pissing off one of the few people in that joint under the age of 70 isn’t a great idea.

Thus, I leave you with the questions that have bothered me: Is this a big deal? Am I overreacting? What should I do?

That’s Why I Call Him The Insult Comedian: Al Smith Dinner Edition

Donald Trump likes making history. It suits his inflated sense of self-importance. He usually, however, makes history in-as he himself would surely put it-a BAAAAD way. It happened again last night in New York. He was booed by a largely Republican crowd at the Al Smith dinner and even vexed ultra-conservative Cardinal Dolan. Way to go, Donald.

The Insult Comedian brags about his ability to judge a room; actually he brags about everything. Believe me. His Trumpy-spidey-sense failed him again. He misread the nature of a charity event that’s meant to be a very mild roasting of one’s opponent and gave them the full Rickles. He cannot help himself. He did smile a few times but, as usual, never laughed, another reason he was booed and bombed. Additionally, his idea of self-deprecating humor is to mock his wife. Take Melania, please.

In contrast, the next POTUS did a good job. I particularly liked her ode to immigrants. It worked in that room, which is heavily Irish Catholic as was Al Smith. Hillary can read a room. Donald cannot. That’s why I call him the insult comedian.

Friday Catblogging: Open Your Eyes

Dr. A  was disappointed in this devil eye picture. I think it’s pretty darn good. I think Della’s eyes were less devilish because of her big brother’s presence. He’s a sweet kitty. It’s a pity he can’t influence her.

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Now that you’ve seen the glowing eyes, here’s some eye opening music. In fact, two different tunes with the same title both featuring Steve Howe on lead guitar:

 

Dark Stone Of The Moon

The lunatic is on the grass.
The lunatic is on the grass.
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs.
Got to keep the loonies on the path.

The lunatic is in the hall.
The lunatics are in my hall.
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more.

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon.

The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me ’til I’m sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There’s someone in my head but it’s not me.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon.

I rarely start a post with a quote let alone song lyrics, but another Roger’s weirdness has led me to post these Roger Waters lyrics. The other Roger is, of course, Stone, Roger Stone. I sometimes wonder if Tricky Dick dropped Roger on his head thereby causing, well, Brain Damage.

Roger the Ratfucker has some interesting hobbies in addition to supporting Donald Trump and defaming the Clintons. That is, however, what he’s de-famous for. It turns out that Roger Not Waters is a moon landing truther.

Roger Stone claimed that video of the moon landing was “a hoax … shot in a warehouse in” New Jersey. Stone is a longtime top Donald Trump adviser and one of the Republican presidential nominee’s go-to sources for research.

Stone, who remains in regular contact with Trump (and whose talking points and theories Trump regularly adopts), is an ardent conspiracy theorist. For example, he has claimed that the Clintons orchestrated the murder of four people this year; the Clintons killed John F. Kennedy Jr.; President George H.W. Bush tried to kill President Reagan; President Lyndon Johnson killed President John F. Kennedy; and Sen. Ted Cruz’s father is connected to Kennedy assassin Lee Harvey Oswald.

In a January 2013 Twitter exchange, Stone wrote in response to someone stating that Americans “stepped on the moon”: “whole moon shot thing a hoax. Video shot in a warehouse in NJ.”

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The New York Times wrote in 2009 that “polling consistently suggests that some 6 percent of Americans believe the landings were faked and could not have happened” and noted that there “is no credible evidence to support such views, and the sheer unlikelihood of being able to pull off such an immense plot and keep it secret for four decades staggers the imagination.”

Why Jersey? Hasn’t it suffered enough from being the locus of the War Of The Worlds radio show hysteria, the Lindbergh kidnapping, and the Christie governorship? What do Nucky and Chalky think of this? Does this make Bert Cooper’s final episode on Mad Men a lie? I obviously miss Boardwalk Empire and Mad Men

The other weird thing about this is that Stone’s hero, Richard Nixon, was President at the time of the moon landing and took full advantage of it. Is Roger the Ratfucker saying that Tricky Dick was tricked? Me, I think Roger is not only cruising for a bruising, he’s batshit crazy:

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I’d like to thank the fine folks at Media Matters for providing some comic relief during this rather grisly-n-grim campaign season. I’ll see you on the dark side of the stone or is that dark stone of the moon? I’m confused. Perhaps I should contact Roger’s pal Alex Jones for the straight scoop. Nah, I’d rather hear some Pink Floyd:

 

Pulp Fiction Thursday: F. Scott Fitzgerald

In the early paperback era, many authors of “quality fiction” received the pulp treatment. Every once in a while I like to present some of those covers. There’s no time like the present.

Scott Fitzgerald was largely forgotten in the early days of paperbacks. The Fitzgerald revival didn’t begin in earnest until the early 1960’s. I’m glad it happened: I still think The Great Gatsby is one of the best English language novels ever written. It’s a good place to begin this week’s pulp parade:

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Jazz AgeBeautiful and Damned

 

Egopithicus Gropus

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Couldn’t agree more with Adrastos; about all I’d add is, as usual, Trump was graded less on a curve than a cliff…to the extent that some of the libruls even let wingers spin the idea that “the first half hour” was, what — Reaganesque? — simply because it wasn’t a total disaster? That Trump, by not visibly drooling, exposing himself, and/or rolling around in a puddle of his own filth, “exceeded expectations?”

So, sure, I’m fully on board with Team Prog…but simple observation, not leftist perspective, saw through the spin. Trump was, is, and will forever be terrible in this kind of forum. What works with the wingnuts stinks up the joint (like sulfur) when it comes to the broader public. His verbiage was incoherent word salad that might have  embarrassed Sarah Palin (emphasis on might), multiplied by PharmaBro Shkreli facial expressions, with more than a little condescending, knuckle-dragging mansplaining…and that’s before Donald really let loose his inner clod with as dumb a response as has ever been made to the easiest of softballs — “will you accept the results?” Hell, Trump managed to not trip over his own, um, Little Donald, on that one during the primaries. That he couldn’t tamp down his inner inchoate rage during the final big event of Campaign 2016 — the longest of dreary slogs — demonstrates an unfitness for office that, even if he loses, ought to sober all of us up from the heavy drinking that helped get me through the hour and a half last night…he’s still a major party nominee.

Three more weeks…

Instant Analysis: The Vivisection In Vegas

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Screenshot via Business Insider.

Since Athenae wasn’t able to negotiate a deal on a new Crack Van in time for tonight’s showdown, I got kicked out twice and gave up. I plan to kick the tires of the next one and hard.  I only hope it doesn’t run over my foot and crush it like Donald Trump got crushed by Hillary Clinton tonight. You’re a fucking LOSER, Donald.

Few people actually write their own epitaph. It happened at the Vivisection in Vegas. Trump wrote his political epitaph tonight when asked by if he’d accept the result of the election:

“I will look at it at the time. I’ll keep you in suspense, okay?”

Talk about sealing one’s own fate or putting the last nail in one’s own coffin. Name your cliché, Trump did it. That’s totally disqualifying dumbassery. No Oval One wannabe has ever said such a thing in a public forum since 1860. It undermines the essence of our democracy. I hated like hell when Al Gore conceded after the Supremes defeated him in 2000 BUT it had to be done. That’s our system. I hope that every Republican who supports Trump will be asked about those 15 words that HRC aptly called “horrifying.” It was the only moment that really mattered. I’m not sure if he’s toast or overcooked chauvinist suckling pig but one can definitely stick a fork in him. Let’s twist it while we’re at it. Fuck you, Donald.

Hillary mopped the floor with the Insult Comedian for the third time. He kept his cool for the first half-hour, then the meltdown commenced. He sniffed, fidgeted, lied, and glowered. He’s the whiniest so-called tough guy I’ve ever seen in my life. I wonder what he actually knows about Generals Patton and MacArthur beyond their names. I bet he hasn’t even seen the bio-pics with George C. Scott and Gregory Peck. Btw, George C. Scott was as big an asshole in real life as Trump. As for General Patton, he would have slapped the shit out of the sniveling draft dodger Trump. Greg Peck, of course, was a perfect gentleman and Dugout Doug MacArthur was a pompous windbag. End of oddball history lesson.

The other big moment was when Trump muttered “such a nasty woman.” It confirmed the worst fears of all those college educated suburban women (the soccer moms of 2016) about Trump’s misogyny. He was mortally offended that a mere woman had the Billy Bush to stand up to him. Hillary *is* made of steel, and not Chinese steel either. Fuck you, Donald.

I thought Mike Wallace’s kid did a decent job as moderator until the last two questions, which were stale Fox News talking points. Otherwise, he controlled the two candidates fairly well although I know Trump would demur: WRONG. That’s demur, not demure: Donald is never demure and probably doesn’t know what demur means. Actually de muir woods is a national monument not far from San Francisco…

Another thing that struck me was when Trump claimed that he didn’t know *any* of the women who came forward after the pussy dragging tape came out. There were two he knew quite well: Summer Davos who was on The Apprentice and Natasha Stoynoff who covered him for People Magazine. Trump also claimed the allegations were so specious that he didn’t apologize to his wife. WRONG. Moe’s wife said that Moe apologized to her even if was Larry’s fault. Fuck you, Donald.

I spent much of the debate on Twitter. Here are a few highlight from lil ole me as well as the peanut gallery. We’ll start with two self-quotes:

Enough of online Sheckiness. Let’s move on to some other folks; one of whom is Dr. Jill Biden.

Finally, the intrepid Tony Schwartz the co-author of The Art of the Deal turned Trump tormentor attended the Vivisection in Vegas:

I’m tired, folks. Listening to Donald Trump lie for 95 minutes is exhausting. It confirmed my belief, however, that Donald Trump will not be the first Insult Comedian elected President.

I’ll let the Traveling Wilburys play the miserable bastard off-stage:

I forgot something: Fuck you, Donald.

Debate Night Crack Van

The chat company is being a dildo about the upgrade I ordered after our fundraising drive was done, so we might still have to eke out one more ride in this broken-down Chevy. If Adrastos keeps trying to pimp Della out the back of it for petting we’re going to keep attracting ALL KINDS OF ATTENTION JESUS GOD, so try to conceal your drug paraphernalia and degenerate sex appliances a little better this time.

But we will have a paid van for election night. If I have to build it myself from scratch. Don’t worry, Doc will make sure it runs good.

VAN CLOSED. It’s over. She slayed. Everybody VOTE. And come here after you vote for our Election Day Van!

A.

Malaka Of The Week: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions

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Sessions and Trump do Alabama.

It’s time to play some inside baseball. A friend recently asked me why there have been fewer malaka of the week posts of late. He pointed out that there’s an abundance, even a surfeit, of malakatude. Here’s why: quite a few posts start off as malaka of the weekers but if I come up with a punchy-n-clever title I use that. Play ball.

I was astonished when I did an internal search a few weeks ago, and learned that Jeff Sessions had never been malaka of the week. I assumed he had been: he’s one of the worst Senators and the first member (literally in his case) of that body to endorse Donald Trump for President. (Sounds like a sentence Trump might want to grope.) Sessions been one of the Insult Comedian’s most outspoken and aggressive surrogates who is always willing to defend the indefensible. And that is why Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions of Alabama is malaka of the week.

Sessions has been in the Senate for 20 years. In that time, he’s been one of its few openly racist members: his idea of enlightenment is calling black folks nigras instead of you know what. His fanatical opposition to all that is good and espousal of all that is bad has had him on my radar screen for years. His pet cause is immigration, which is why he endorsed his fellow bigot way back on February 28th at a rally in Mobile. It’s leap year, which may be why he jumped the gun and endorsed his fellow Putin fan so early. That’s given this benighted peckerwood real clout with the candidate. No wonder Trump is losing.

In addition to his general malakatude, Sessions has been in the news after two of Trump’s recent controversies. At first, he was adamant that the grab them by the Billy Bush tape wasn’t about sexual assault:

Interviewed in the spin room after the presidential debate in St. Louis, in which Trump brushed off the comments as “locker room talk,” the Alabama senator noted that the real estate mogul already apologized for his “very improper language.”

“But beyond the language, would you characterize the behavior described in that as sexual assault if that behavior actually took place?” the Weekly Standard asked.

“I don’t characterize that as sexual assault,” Sessions replied. ”I think that’s a stretch. I don’t know what he meant—“

“So if you grab a woman by the genitals, that’s not sexual assault?” the Weekly Standard pressed.

“I don’t know. It’s not clear that he—how that would occur.”

He has subsequently crawfished but that quote shows his inclination to slavishly support everything Trump does or says. Sessions long ago succumbed to Trump’s domination politics. Notice the featured image at the top of the post: Trump quite literally lays his hand on his little buddy with the very Southern name, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions. They look like a demented version of Gomer Pyle and Sgt. Carter. Of course, Carter had a crew cut and Gomer wasn’t a racist pinhead just a Southern fried sillybilly,  but it still works.

Sessions has also echoed his master’s “rigged election” talking point. I suspect he actually believes this bullshit: it’s what they did in the zip-a-dee-doo-dah days of the Old South, after all. The GOP has been peddling this line for years but are now shocked that Trump and his lackeys have taken this specious argument to its logical extreme. We all know that THEM PEOPLE steal elections and even return from the grave to vote for the demonic Democrats. How do we know this? Rudy Noun Verb 9/11 Giuliani told us and Good Ole Jeff Sessions agrees with him. Would Rudolph and Jefferson lie? In a heartbeat.

While researching this post, I stumbled on to a classic 2010 Wonkette post: Vile Racist Jeff Sessions: It’s His Day To Shine. Here’s a sample of its beautiful viciousness:

Who is this vile, lisping piglet known as the “top ranking Republican” on the Senate Judiciary Committee calling everybody and everything (mostly Elena Kagan) Communist and Anti-American? Why it’s Alabama heartthrob Jeff Sessions, the Reagan-era U.S. attorney in Mobile who, when nominated by the Gipper to be U.S. District Court judge in southern Alabama, was revealed to be a complete racist and Bircher-style paranoid — the kind of trash who would tell black colleagues that he thought the Ku Klux Klan were “okay” until he discovered some of them were “pot smokers.”

Through the course of his confirmation hearings, black and white colleagues described Sessions’ constant, blatant racism: calling the NAACP “anti-American,” aggressively prosecuting fake “voter fraud” in black neighborhoods while ignoring actual fraud in white polling stations, calling a black U.S. attorney “boy,” and describing the Voting Rights Act of 1965 a “piece of intrusive legislation” — a quote he stood behind during his hearing.

How little things have changed. And that is why Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions of Alabama is malaka of the week. Believe it.

Since I mentioned dead voters, I’ll give a  certain rock combo the last word: