King Jude?
This could explain why our Jude is posting less. I thought he’d run off with a circus that didn’t have wi-fi or something until I saw this: Continue reading King Jude?
Category: Jude
Take Minks Off
Don’t make Ernie show you his pimp hand. That motherfucker brings his rings. Have you seen about ourcoat project? Well then ante up, motherfuckers. If you don’t have a coat to send, make a donation. Just add something along the lines of “COATS, BITCHES” as a message so we know exactly what it’s for. Continue reading Take Minks Off
Scott Walker Is A Dumb Motherfucker
Scott Walker. Not pictured: Intelligence, Honesty, Sense That’s the soon-to-be governor of Wisconsin, Scott Walker (R-Choad). And he is one dumb motherfucker. Just how dumb? Glad you asked. He’s so dumb that he still needs someone to tie his shoes. His sperm should be treated as a controlled substance lest it contaminate the gene pool. He has to get naked to count to 20.5. But enough with the pleasantries. I’m here to talk bidness. No station for you, bitches. That image was foundhere. It’s an artists conception of a proposed high-speed rail station in Madison. The line would connect Madison … Continue reading Scott Walker Is A Dumb Motherfucker
Just Remember
And you got it. Well, America, enjoy. Now we’ll have two years of dumb-fuck investigations of why the President hasn’t quit smoking yet, lots of vetoes, and one ginned-up impeachment. Personally, I can’t wait for the huge spending cuts that will balance the budget. Of course, you can’t touch Medicare or Social Security, because the teabaggers don’t want that. And you can’t cut the military, because then the terrorists will win and re-elect Democrats. You can’t raise taxes, either, because that’s socialism, and that’s clearly what the electorate rejected last night. But that’s not a problem, right? We can just … Continue reading Just Remember
Someone Put A Guard In The Basilica of St. Clare In Assisi
‘CauseS&M Jesus is at risk frommorons like this. (Ripped off fromCole’s place.) Continue reading Someone Put A Guard In The Basilica of St. Clare In Assisi
Jesus With Boobs? Seriously?
That’s Jesus with boobs. Folks, it only goes downhill from here. So I’m sure all of you good people read our Lord and Savior Athenae’spost below; if you haven’t, shame on you. Also say 20 Hail Lombardis, and think about what you haven’t done. It turns out that some religious dopes you’ll never meet are outraged that some art gallery you’ve never heard of in a town you’ll never visit is daring–daring!–to show something that might not validate all of their stupid religious beliefs. For the life of me, I don’t know how a crowd of these god-botherers isn’t following … Continue reading Jesus With Boobs? Seriously?
More Evidence That Derpity Derp Derp
Om mani padme durr. Greetings, everyone. First, I begin with a story. Is it a story of awesomeness? Naturally. I work for the state, in the unemployment program. So, as I’ve noted, these days I’m busier than a three-legged cat trying to cover up a turd on a frozen pond. That aside, the unemployment law in Wisconsin is some complicated shit. There are entire categories of employment that, should you get laid off, aren’t covered by the unemployment system; that is, if you work as, say, a caddy on a golf course, and you find yourself out of that job … Continue reading More Evidence That Derpity Derp Derp
A Welcome Addition To The Unemployment Problem
Too hard for Laura Schlessinger. Somehow, Laura Schlessinger is in the news again. A few days ago, on her radio show (which, mercifully, I haven’t heard for almost a decade now) she wasdiscussing racism with a Black caller–if, of course, by “discussing” you mean “insulting the living shit out of African-Americans.” Well, shequit her job recently over the flap that resulted. Why did she quit? You see, when she offended said living shit out of said African-Americans (and anybody else with an ounce of decency), people did a horrible thing–they called her sponsors and asked why the sponsors were supporting … Continue reading A Welcome Addition To The Unemployment Problem
Religious Nuts: They’re All Cut From The Same Cloth
Learn some goddamned geometry! So. Apparently, a bunch of fanatics in Saudi Arabia have decided thatGMT needs to be superceded by Arabia Standard Time. And what passes for logic with these guys is really, really appalling. Really, check this out. As Mohammed al-Arkubi, manager of one of the hotels in the complex, put it: “Putting Mecca time in the face of Greenwich Mean Time. This is the goal.” According to Yusuf al-Qaradawi, an Egyptian cleric known around the Muslim world for his popular television show “Sharia and Life”, Mecca has a greater claim to being the prime meridian because it … Continue reading Religious Nuts: They’re All Cut From The Same Cloth
Do Douthat Voodoo That You, Uh, Don’t Do Very Well At All, Actually
Really, isn’t this irresistible studmuffin’s very existence threatening to everyone’s marriage? Okay. I’ve resisted saying anything about Ross Douthat for a long time. Really, I have. Buthis latest column is just fucking stupid, even by his spectacularly low standards. AsTBogg has noted, Douthat’s columns are as predictable asA-Team episodes. And, naturally, this one doesn’t disappoint. But the leap he makes is just stunning. It’s the Snake River Canyon of stupid. He methodically goes about demolishing every possible argument against same-sex marriage, then says that monogamous heterosexual marriage is still something better than same-sex marriage. Why? Because the Pope. And Western … Continue reading Do Douthat Voodoo That You, Uh, Don’t Do Very Well At All, Actually
Requiem for a Friend
Requiem æternam dona eis, et lux perpetua luceat eis. If there are those of us who failed you in respect to friendship, understanding, patience, charity, or fellowship, we can only humbly beg forgiveness–not from some dead god, and, unfortunately, not from you. We have to request absolution from each other, and from ourselves. We have to renew the thousand little silent vows we make to each other every day. We must realize that, for all the heartbreak and frustration that they bring, other people are the most precious thing that we have, and the most precious thing that we ever … Continue reading Requiem for a Friend
Fuck The Police
Oscar Grant, executed by the police.Image fromhere. Seriously. Fuck ’em. See that young man there? He wasmurdered by the cops in Oakland, CA. One cop was kneeling on his back while another cop, who was not threatened by this prone, handcuffed, face-down man, calmly drew his gun and shot him in the back. If you or I did that, we’d be looking at 25 with an L. The cop? Convicted, sure. But of involuntary manslaughter. As someone at Cole’s place pointed out, this cop will do less time for murdering an unarmed, helpless man than football star Plaxico Burress will … Continue reading Fuck The Police
A Day In The Life
Good morning, starshine.Find many more images like thathere. I woke up this morning at 4:30, which is pretty normal. I took a run around Monona Bay, did a little extra, then got to watch the sun rise over Lake Monona. Then it’s coffee and chicory, read the news, and get ready for work. I like my morning routine. Life is pretty good these days. What are your mornings like? Tell us in the comments. Rave, bitch, do whatever you like. Continue reading A Day In The Life
Tony Perkins: What An Asshole.
This is the illustration for “closet case” in the dictionary. Yeah, this fuckin’ guy again. The president of the Family Research Council, which is one of the premier Christian jagoff associations, really hates him some repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Yeah, it’s just gonna fag up the military big-time. Then we’ll be the laughingstock of the world, what with the frilly uniforms and the mandatory moustaches. So shitheel up there actually putthe following in a blog on CNN (Thanks, CNN, for being so very liberal): This means that all 1.4 million members of the U.S. military will be subject … Continue reading Tony Perkins: What An Asshole.
Health Care Reform: A Market-Based Approach
There’s a doctor you can trust. So, according to (Mormon) God’s own newsman, Glenn Beck, the health care reform that passed earlier in the year is incredibly unpopular. He doesn’t say how he knows this; perhaps there are some magical golden polls that only he can read. Anyway, if he says it, it must be true–why else would Rush Limbaugh agree with him? Clearly, it’s time to junk that and start over. Let’s have something that the Republicans and the libertarians can agree on: Market-based reform. The free market, as you probably know, is second only to the Christian God … Continue reading Health Care Reform: A Market-Based Approach
I Am Awesome: The Continuing Saga
I am actually more awesome than pile-driving a shark. It’s true. Since yesterday’s installment of Tales of Awesomeness went over so well, I thought I’d lay down another one. A couple of weeks ago, I was having a normal Saturday morning. Got up, had coffee, read a bit, and was on my way to the gym, which opens at eight a.m. on Saturdays.* I was going to pick up my gym buddy, and, while I was stopped at a light, I noticed something in the gutter right beside my car. It was a Social Security card. “That’s odd,” I thought. … Continue reading I Am Awesome: The Continuing Saga
I Am Awesome
Yes. Yes, I am.Find more stuff like thathere. It’s true. In fact, I am the acme of awesomeness. Let me give you a little taste of why I am so very, very incredible. Last night, I went out for dinner. My companion and I went to a hibachi place. When we were seated, we were the only people at the station. A bit later, a woman about my age came in with two eight-year-old children. They sat across the way from us. Now, I don’t like children. I get annoyed by the noise, the whining, the uncontrolled emission of various … Continue reading I Am Awesome
Some Days, I Just Don’t Get It
Like this, but with oil instead of debris. So, it looks like the homeland is screwed. Again. That’s a picture of Biloxi, MS, after Katrina. The place was pretty much wiped out. And now they’ve got another disaster looming. We’ve all heard about the “spill” (which is kind of like calling a hydrogen bomb an explosive–technically true, but woefully understated). What I don’t get is certain people’s reactions. Of COURSE the Palinites are going to use this to call for more drilling and less regulation. That’s what they do. But there are some people, likeCole, who just don’t seem to … Continue reading Some Days, I Just Don’t Get It
Don Blankenship Is A Sorry Piece Of Shit
Fuck this sorry motherfucker. That turkey-necked cocksucker up there, Don Blankenship, is a sorry piece of shit. You’re hearing a lot about himin the news lately, because he’s the 21st-century equivalent of the 19th-century robber baron. Or the 11th-century baron. Don Blankenship–who, it should be pointed out, is a sorry piece of shit–is responsible for dozens of corpses in his mines, and forpolluting theentire goddamned earth anywhere near his mines. He’s bought and paid for a good chunk of thepoliticians and judges in West Virginia, so he gets away with being the complete, sorry piece of shit that he is. … Continue reading Don Blankenship Is A Sorry Piece Of Shit
Holy Fucking Balls, It’s Been A Long Time
It is Holy Week, after all. Hey hey party people. Sorry for my oh-so-extended absence. As you may or may not know, I work for my state’s unemployment program. Which means, of course, that I’ve been busy as fucking fuckity fuck for, oh, over a year now. Those long-ass days don’t leave a lot of time for blogging. I mean, not when I’ve got my pimp game to run as well. Anyway, speaking of Holy Week and pimping, why not talk about the never-ending bullshit that is Holy Mother Church’s obsession with covering up for abusive priests? Sure, I’ve got … Continue reading Holy Fucking Balls, It’s Been A Long Time
Deep Thought
Not quite like this. I just finished Jon Krakauer’sWhere Men Win Glory. If we lived in a just and decent society, Donald Rumsfeld would be awaiting a public garroting. George Bush would be reduced to penury and forced to live out his days as a minimum-wage worker. Continue reading Deep Thought
Th-U-Ga Li-Fe
That’s right. It’s Schrödinger’s Tat. I love nerds. Check out somenerd tattoos here, whence I so shamelessly hotlinked the above image. And why in the hell is there no element with the symbol “G,” anyway? Gallium, Germanium, Gadolinium–why do they all get two letters? Stupid science, messing up a good joke. Continue reading Th-U-Ga Li-Fe
Holy Ghost Power
Almost persuaded. But not quite. In a post about the Christian right, DougJ at Balloon Juiceposes an interesting question: I don’t understand modern Christianity. As I’ve said before, Jesus has always seemed like a hippie to me, and I don’t think there’s so much in the New Testament that resemblesMein Kampf. So, seriously, what is up with so many Christian leaders wanting to emulate Hitler, Stalin, Lenin Mao, Genghis Kahn, etc? Is there a simple explanation for this? Well, there’s no easy answer. A lot of his commenters go for the “power” answer, but it’s not that simple. Evangelical Christianity … Continue reading Holy Ghost Power
Tiger Penis Soup
This pretty much sums it up. That’s right. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, I don’t care about who sticks what where when how or with whom. I’d like to take this moment to say that it’s completely shocking that a young, rich, good-looking, athletic human being would not be totally monogamous.* I’m sure this sort of thing has never happened before, and that’s why there’s all of the coverage. Dear reporters: That’s called sarcasm. There are more important goddamned things in the world than famous winkies. And for anyone who’s upset about this kind of behavior … Continue reading Tiger Penis Soup
If You Can Post Crappy Videos, I Get To Do This
What awaits me when I die, in part for things like what I am about to do. So, I’ve just about had it with the crappy videos. This is my retaliation. I think that, if they ever make a movie about two people named Jim and Stacy who date and break up, then get back together and break up again, but just can’t break that pattern, and the relationship is by turns wonderful and awful, and the story is told from Jim’s point of view; if they do all of that, I think that a great title for that movie … Continue reading If You Can Post Crappy Videos, I Get To Do This
In Which I Come Through And Solve A Seemingly Intractable Problem. Yet Again.
Leave December to me & this guy. I had a great idea yesterday. Trust me. Great. I was thinking about Christmas, and how unhappy some people are that it starts in, oh, September. Then I thought about how unhappy some people are that there’s not enough religious crap attached to Christmas. Here comes the great idea. I think that the anti-choice crowd should celebrate their religious Christmas in March, and leave December to those of us who want to enjoy free shit, televised sporting events, and gluttony. Bear with me here. You see, it’s one of the tenets of many … Continue reading In Which I Come Through And Solve A Seemingly Intractable Problem. Yet Again.
How Is This Even An Issue?
SM3 Francis Toche, ca. 1961, La Maddalena That scan is of a faded and worn photograph of my father, drunk as hell on liberty. It’s one of the few photographs that I have of him. He was born on the second of December, 1942, in New Orleans, Louisiana. He later moved with his family to Biloxi, Mississippi, and, after leaving high school before graduation, he joined the Navy. He did a four-year hitch, including serving as part of the “quarantine” around Cuba in 1962. He got out, went home, and worked for a few years. He drank pretty heavily at … Continue reading How Is This Even An Issue?
From The Department Of Get The Fuck Over Yourself
That’s a baby pudu. It’s so cute, it makes a kitten look like a pile of crap. I led off with that picture because, well, why the fuck not? Also, I’m here to talk about something that bugs the fuck out of me, so I thought I’d start with something cute. A few weeks ago, I drove down to Chicago with some friends. A, I’m sorry that I didn’t come by for further orders on how to corrupt the youth with homosexuality, socialism, and LOLcats, but I hope that you’ll forgive me when I tell you what I was doing. … Continue reading From The Department Of Get The Fuck Over Yourself
Let Us Mourn The Death Of Civility
“How do you do, dear twat?” “Oh, very well, Mr. Cocksucker.” Are you tired ofthisstupidfuckingrefrain yet? Oh, boo hoo, life is just souncivil these days! Naturally, that statement begs the question: As opposed to when? Really, when was this Golden Age of Civility? Ten years ago? Fifty? One hundred? When the fuck was this time when everyone was concerned about etiquette and politeness? Because, honestly, I don’t think that shit ever existed. Let’s take a quick jaunt through American history, shall we? div style=”text-align: center;”>Ahh, colonial civility. That’s Captain John Malcolm, a loyalist and customs official, being tarred and feathered … Continue reading Let Us Mourn The Death Of Civility
Quote This, You Prick
Yes, it’s true. So, a friend was having a debate about health care via the Internets the other day. She shared with me the following quotes that the anti-health-care-for-everyone douchebag was using to buttress his position. Here they are: “You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.” – Abraham Lincoln “Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have … The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases.” -Thomas Jefferson “I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent … Continue reading Quote This, You Prick