Tiger Penis Soup

This pretty much sums it up.

That’s right. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, I don’t care about who sticks what where when how or with whom. I’d like to take this moment to say that it’s completely shocking that a young, rich, good-looking, athletic human being would not be totally monogamous.* I’m sure this sort of thing has never happened before, and that’s why there’s all of the coverage. Dear reporters: That’s called sarcasm. There are more important goddamned things in the world than famous winkies.

And for anyone who’s upset about this kind of behavior setting a bad example, please shut the fuck up. Seriously, people, cut out all the shit about role models. If you’re sad because you feel that someone you never met, who doesn’t owe you a goddamned thing, does something that you disapprove of and feel is bad for kids, then consider the following three-step process for self-improvement: Step the fuck back right now, slap yourself hard, and get a fucking grip. This is a private matter that should only concern the people involved.

Now, can we continue with our lives, please?

*For the social science-minded (and their adoring groupies): People are basically as faithful as their options. The number one predictor of infidelity (how I hate that term) is opportunity. Who has lots of opportunities? Young, rich, good-looking people, that’s who. Don’t act so shocked.

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