Category: Jude

Current Affairs, Jude13 Comments

Wanted: Athenae

Click for a larger image. Wanted: Allison Hantschel, a.k.a. Athenae Crime: Attempted Homicide Details: Ms. Hantschel has repeatedly used the Internet to attempt to murder journalism. See the above screen shot for details. If you see Ms. Hantschel, consider her smart-alecky and dangerous. The very future of the Republic depends on stopping her murderous rampage. p>No, seriously. Look at that shot. There’s what, one news item there? CNN basically wins the Stupid Olympics with this. In fact, they take all the medals. The only thing it’s missing is more tut-tutting about that ill-mannered Serena Williams. On their front page, they … Continue reading Wanted: Athenae

Immoral Values, Jude11 Comments

You’ve Got To Go To The Lonesome Valley

Nice company we’ve got there. Click for a larger image; found atprisonpolicy.org. So I’m sure everyone’s readthis New Yorker article about Cameron Todd Willingham. If you haven’t, please do. It’s some sad, sad shit. Basically, the state of Texas almost certainly killed an innocent man in 2004. A friend sent methis article from Salon the other day; like most Salon articles lately, it really pissed me off. Go ahead, read it. I’ll wait. Back yet? Good. Now, I agree with what he says, but, in this fucking country, you can’t make statistical inferences like that. There’s always some yahoo who … Continue reading You’ve Got To Go To The Lonesome Valley

Jude, Stupid Republican Tricks9 Comments

The Circle of Lies

Republican spokesperson. File photo. You know, I get that politicians (and everyfuckingbody else) lie. I understand that. But will there come a point when the Republican edifice of lies comes crashing down, unable to support its own contradictions? For forty years now, they’ve vilified Ted Kennedy as an America-hatin’ far-left liberal wackaloon. I’m sure he took those slings and arrows with great pride. But now they’re trying to paint him as this DLC-esque moderate, who compromised on everything? Doesn’t that cause a PC Load Letter jam in somebody’s brain? It’s not that they suddenly discoveredde mortuis nil nisi bonum dicendum … Continue reading The Circle of Lies

Jude, Of Interest6 Comments

Something Much More Fun

Have you bought your ticket yet? Seriously. And, since we’re talking about sports today, remember: The WFTDA Eastern Regional Tournament is next weekend! If you live in or near Madison, WI, come out and support the ass-kicking women on wheels of the Mad Rollin’ Dolls. You can buy tickets throughthis link. It’s a blast, people. And the Dolls aren’t just good at skating in circles and knocking people down. Oh, no. They do lots of good stuff for the community, too. From charitable donations to highway cleanup, they got it going on. So come on down to the tourney next … Continue reading Something Much More Fun

Jude12 Comments

Questions Not Asked

I get the feeling that if I stared too long at this photo, I would be turned to stone. That dead-eyed motherfucker up there is US Representative Paul Ryan (R-WI). He’s often talked about as one of the rising stars in the Republican Party, which most likely means that it’s only a matter of time until he gets caught with his dick in a hummingbird, or whatever peculiar fetish he has that he’s not telling anyone about. Anyway, he was on the local TV news a couple of days ago, and I wanted to write something about it. I held … Continue reading Questions Not Asked

Jude, Science8 Comments

Science To The Rescue. Again.

Fuck you. Hells yeah.Mosquito repellent improvement? Bring it on. You can thank the good people at the USDA for this–a mosquito repellent that, apparently, works better than DEET, and won’t mutate you into some kind of hideous monster. Cookouts will no longer end in B-grade tragedy. Now, why don’t we ever hear about this kind of government spending? When the Republicans start talking about “Bear DNA!!!11one!” and all of their brain-dead followers laugh along (It sounds kind of like this: Hur hur guh derf derf derf. It’s disturbing.), why doesn’t someone step the fuck up and say: Mosquito repellent, bitches. … Continue reading Science To The Rescue. Again.

Jude, Of Interest13 Comments

Some Genius Shit

Like this, but with less falling off of cliffs. Oh yeah. You motherfuckers wanna hear some genius shit? I got it right here. I have solved the health care problem. That’s right. Me. I was waking up one morning, and, as Al Swearengen might say, “it come to me in a vision.” This happened before the Congressional recess. I wish I could have had a direct line to the President right then, because this shit would be over by now. To fix health care in this country, and to make sure that our system is the envy of the industrialized … Continue reading Some Genius Shit

Immoral Values, Jude3 Comments

This World Is Full Of Dipshits

Here’s to you, fucktards.This picture will never be overused, apparently. Seriously,what the fucking fuck? Regarding A’s remarks about the comments to the article below. Fuck you people. Now, quite a few of the comments there expressed shock, sympathy, outrage, and, you know, humanity. But then you get the stinknuggets who blame a girl for, uh, being in the path of a bullet. How lovely. I’m so glad that these people have lived perfect lives, devoid of any tragedy, and that they can look down from their lofty perches to grace us unwashed masses with their omniscience. In other words: Yeah, … Continue reading This World Is Full Of Dipshits

Jude, Science7 Comments

Fuck The Fuck Yeah–This Fucking Shit Is What The Fuck I’m Fucking Talking About. Fuck.

Fuck yeah, motherfuckers. So, it turns out that swearing fucking kicks ass. No, really, there’s fucking SCIENCE and shit backing this the fuck up. So take note, assorted cocksuckers, motherfuckers, bitches, bastards, and dickheads:Swearing can make you feel better. I must be the best-feeling motherfucker on this whole motherfucking bubble. No wonder David Broder and Cokie Roberts walk around with permanent sticks up their priggish asses. They think that saying the word “fuck” is a crime against humanity. Chill the fuck out, assholes! That’s right. This motherfucking post gets the motherfucking “science” tag. Fucking believe that. Continue reading Fuck The Fuck Yeah–This Fucking Shit Is What The Fuck I’m Fucking Talking About. Fuck.

Afghanistan, Jude13 Comments

Other Shit That Should Be Obvious

Read this shit some time. Read this, as well. I tried arguing about Afghanistan with people back in 2001; naturally, no one listened. I understood that, after 9/11, we would be attacking somebody. You don’t outspend the rest of the world militarily and then not use that military when attacked. However, I did not expect an invasion and occupation of Afghanistan. I thought it was a stupid idea then, and I think it’s a stupid idea now. One of the big justifications for the war was the removal of the Taliban, that group of fundamentalist assholes who imposed their own … Continue reading Other Shit That Should Be Obvious

Jude, So Called Liberal Media6 Comments

Again? This Stupid Country.

Sometimes, you just want to choke the assholes in the media whoget the vapors whenever people use unauthorized language. You know, the same dipshits who read the Starr Report and salivated over every salacious detail, but who think that it’s The End Of Western Civilization if you use the word “blowjob” instead of “oral encounter.” Behold: Oh, dear me. Look, I can see the Huns approaching! Bonus points for whoever gets the title reference. UPDATE: At the end of the video, Shuster apologizes, and refers to the broadcast as a “daytime, family-oriented” program. Right. ‘Cause you just know all the … Continue reading Again? This Stupid Country.

Diary, Jude4 Comments

The Wisdom At The Bottom Of The Keg

Like this, but not so furry. It’s amazing, the things you learn as you go through life. It turns out that going-away parties are actually a sort of analgesic. You hurt so badly from the hangover the next day that you don’t realize how much you’re actually going to miss the person/people in whose honor said hangover-inducing party was thrown. Also: OWWWW. Continue reading The Wisdom At The Bottom Of The Keg

Current Affairs, Jude3 Comments

Attention Donald Rumsfeld: Yours Will Be Much, Much Worse Than This

Robert McNamara being interviewed today from Round 2 of the Ninth Circle, City of Dis, Hell. So, McNamara finally died. After a long, long life that saw him as the architect of incalculable misery for millions of people, he’s dead. I won’t shed any tears. And god DAMN, wasBob Herbert on fire regarding this issue. The hardest lesson for people in power to accept is that wars are unrelentingly hideous enterprises, that they butcher people without mercy and therefore should be undertaken only when absolutely necessary. Kids who are sent off to war are forced to grow up too fast. … Continue reading Attention Donald Rumsfeld: Yours Will Be Much, Much Worse Than This

Current Affairs, Jude7 Comments

Please Don’t Take Their Midnight Sunshine Away

Can it be? Is it possible? No more Sarah Palin? Nah. Not at all. She’s like that last five pounds you’re trying to lose–annoying, stubborn, and almost impossible to get rid of. And, not to step on Tommy T’s Toes, but I just had to check out Freeperville. Naturally, they did not disappoint. I picked the thread with the most replies, and thar’scomedy gold in them thar virtual hills: This is the result of hundreds of billions of dollars of middle east political monies buying a Muslim President that will not quit until he destroys all opposition. 2 posted on … Continue reading Please Don’t Take Their Midnight Sunshine Away

Jude, Stupid Republican Tricks12 Comments

Today’s Term Is “Conflict of Interest”

Here’s to you, JB Van Fucking Holland Republicans: Predictable as the tides. If there’s an election coming up, that must mean there’s aRepublican asshole trying to keep people from voting. The Republican asshole in question is Wisconsin Attorney General JB Van Hollen, who you can tell is a douchebag because he goes by his initials rather than his name. And, well, here’s where we get to the conflict of interest. Also today, critics accused Van Hollen – a Republican serving as the state co-chair of John McCain’s presidential campaign – O RLY? Yeah, he’s a schmuck. Also, in the article, … Continue reading Today’s Term Is “Conflict of Interest”

Jude, Terrorism4 Comments

Holy Shit, Does This Thing Still Work?

Hey hey, everybody. Sorry I’ve been a ghost lately. Things have taken a turn for the busy, and I don’t really have lots of computer time for a bit. Oh, I’ve had things I’ve wanted to comment on. From the usual right-wing stupidity, to what-the-fuck stories regarding economics, or various statistical illiteracies. But I couldn’t not say something about George Tiller. And, right now, I don’t have full-throated outrage to share. I’m not even really shocked. I’m just sad. That will change, I know, because there’s work to be done. But I’m sad that this bullshit still goes on. That … Continue reading Holy Shit, Does This Thing Still Work?

Jude14 Comments

Weekend Food Thread

Mmmmm. Puttanesca sauce. So what are you making? For the record, that was some tasty puttanesca. Nom nom nom. UPDATE: Per Monkeyfister’s request in comments, here’s my very own recipe. Jude’s Ass-Kicking Linguine alla Puttanesca You, too, can eat like you’re a hooker in Napoli!Who wouldn’t want that? Pots and shit: 7 quart or larger stockpot for boiling pasta Big-ass skillet Knives & cutting boards Wooden spoons Colander for draining pasta Ingredients: 1 lb linguine ¼ cup olive oil (You really don’t have to measure this shit.Just add enough to coat, generously, the bottom of your skillet.Then add a little … Continue reading Weekend Food Thread

Jude, Of Interest55 Comments

Stupid Shit Friday

So it begins. Sigh. While watching Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s concession speech, gun owner AJ Sullivan had a sinking feeling. “Liberals like to ban guns. That’s what it comes down to,” said Sullivan, 25, a Texas Christian University student. Sullivan was among hundreds scrambling to buy a weapon Thursday at the gun store Cheaper Than Dirt! — which sold $101,000 in merchandise the day after the election, shattering its single-day sales record, said store owner DeWayne Irwin. Stories were similar across Texas, where residents are fiercely protective of their Second Amendment rights and now fear stricter gun-control laws under … Continue reading Stupid Shit Friday

Jude, Stupid Republican Tricks36 Comments

Republicanism Explained

Lee Atwater. It all started with this prick. In the last few months, as the scavengers have picked at the carcass of the Republican party, I’ve heard a lot of people talk about what “conservatism” means. Most recently, the New York Times saw fit to address the issue inthis waste of virtual space. Well, I can’t definitively say what “conservatism” means. I possess no advanced degrees, am not a philosopher, and have almost no knowledge of political science. However. I can tell you what Republicanism means, and that, I think, is a more germane issue. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, … Continue reading Republicanism Explained

Jude, Sports3 Comments

Weekend Fun; Also, The Perils Of Early-Morning Typing

Melissa and Ginger, also known as Harlot Brontë and Ninja, discuss strategy before a bout. Or maybe they’re plotting someone’s doom. You know what I haven’t mentioned in a while? Go on. Guess. That’s right! Roller derby! If you’re in Madison on Saturday, and you want something fun to do, come check out the Mad Rollin’ Dolls season opener. It is not, I repeat NOT going to be at the skating rink in town. Those days are through. The Dolls have hit the big time, and will be holding this year’s season at the Alliant Energy Center (some bouts will … Continue reading Weekend Fun; Also, The Perils Of Early-Morning Typing

Jude, Of Interest11 Comments

Dental Damn

Looka dem perfect teef. Hello hello, peeps. I hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend, and it seems like luck was with Biloxi and New Orleans recently. Now, I want to talk about something that I’ve been putting off for the last couple of weeks. Teef. Or, to those of you who are all educated, “teeth.” That’s right. Those marvelous structures of pulp, cementum, dentin, and enamel. Your dental pattern, of course, is unique to you and you alone. Enamel is the hardest substance your body produces, and will likely be the part of you that lasts the longest … Continue reading Dental Damn

Jude, Political Crack13 Comments

John McCain & Co: Whiny-Ass Titty Babies

John McCain, undated file photo. Awww. Poor Huggy Bear. He’sjealous of all the press attention that Obama has been getting. Well, be careful, national media. Hell hath no fury like McCain scorned–or even mildly perturbed. Just ask his current wife, whoMcCain called a “cunt” in public. But hell, he must be rubbing off on his advisers.  Mr. McCain’s comments were mild compared with the bleak mood and frustration on the part of his advisers, who have taken to referring to Mr. Obama sarcastically as “The One” and railing against the large amount of coverage Mr. Obama is receiving compared with … Continue reading John McCain & Co: Whiny-Ass Titty Babies