Science To The Rescue. Again.

Fuck you.

Hells yeah.Mosquito repellent improvement? Bring it on.

You can thank the good people at the USDA for this–a mosquito repellent that, apparently, works better than DEET, and won’t mutate you into some kind of hideous monster.

Cookouts will no longer end in B-grade tragedy.

Now, why don’t we ever hear about this kind of government spending? When the Republicans start talking about “Bear DNA!!!11one!” and all of their brain-dead followers laugh along (It sounds kind of like this: Hur hur guh derf derf derf. It’s disturbing.), why doesn’t someone step the fuck up and say: Mosquito repellent, bitches. You want the pleasure of scratching, or the joys of malaria/west Nile/dengue fever/yellow fever/etc? Fine. The rest of us will be over here, living in the 21st century, enjoying our picnics courtesy of the scientific method and judiciously spent Federal dollars. Enjoy the itching, dingus.

For the record, I know that DEET isn’t the best shit for you, but I use the fuck out of it, anyway.

Finally, I would remind everyone that there are people in this country–millions of ’em–who think that the little bug up there is proof of God’s wisdom and intelligence. Because, you know, if we didn’t have something to spread malaria, the world wouldn’t be perfectly designed for us to marvel at the Almighty. Somehow, it’s also proof that he loves us.

Don’t ask me to explain that. All I can say is thank God for science.

8 thoughts on “Science To The Rescue. Again.

  1. Come on, Jude, the GOP and their always-reliable media drones can find a reason to hate on anything. They now think end-of-life planning and living wills = death panels, right?
    (“DEET? Don’t think I’ve ever heard of it. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a mosquito bite — clearly, the so-called threat of mosquito bites is drastically over-inflated. Why are liberals always whining about bug bites? ‘Oh, they hurt me!’ Grow up and quit being such pansies, liberals. So what is this DEET stuff? Notice that it sounds like ‘DEATH’? Just a coincidence, I’m sure. But we do have studies that show that these chemical agents are being sprayed in the air by socialist agents to inflict cancer on our children. I don’t have the studies with me right now, but be assured, they do exist, we’ll bring the study authors on for a future show, promise. So these DEATH drugs being sprayed in the air by liberals to kill us with cancer, to control our minds so we’ll all become liberal robots, and they put these in the grocery stores? Why are we spending money to create these horrible toxic chemicals? This is the original Nazi dream right here, my friends.”)
    (CNN Anchor: “Scientists say DEET is safe, but some cite studies that suggest that malaria doesn’t exist, and that prove that DEET causes cancer and Nazification.”)

  2. I’ve given up trying to convince my wife to stop breeding mosquitoes here on Sullivan’s Island, SC. Everywhere I look she’s got tubs of water, pools of water (large and small) for our menagerie of dogs to drink from or splash in. The resulting increase in mosquito populations doesn’t faze her (and she’s a doctor for christ’s sake).
    I may come down with dengue fever or malaria in due course, but I’ve learned, like many people here, simply to ignore the little bastards. Denial is a wonderful thing.

  3. I have been at war with mosquitoes for over 25 years. I suffer guerrilla attacks and suicide bombings every time I leave the house–so far the record is 5 bites in 2 minutes. They attack the women in my family and always, always leave the men alone. Clearly, they are waging a war on women, and must be stopped.
    Even worse, I have a pretty bad allergic reaction to mosquito bites, and it’s gotten worse over the years. Last week, one bite swelled up to a two-inch diameter by the time I noticed it was there.
    As near as I can tell, mosquitoes are evil, good for nothing assholes. I’m a fairly giving person, and I have no problem with donating a drop of blood every few days to provide birds and frogs a high-protein food source. But there is no reason for the bitches to backwash into my body. If the mosquitoes didn’t spit on us (literally) when they bite, there would be no allergic reaction, no disease transfer, no problem.
    If there is an intelligent purpose to mosquitoes, it must be to punish women for the sin of going outdoors and (gasp!) sweating.
    They may be the only creatures on earth that I activelyhate.

  4. Dorothy:
    Benadryl, dear. Topical ointment or paste. Also, try baking soda poultices to relieve swelling/inflammation/draw out the toxins.

  5. Other Sarah,
    Oh, yeah, I have quite the assortment of Benadryl delivery devices. And baking soda with aloe juice is pretty effective, too.
    It makes life bearable, but I still hate the little buggers.

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