Henry Kissinger died yesterday at the age of 100. Longevity is the only thing I admire about this reprehensible public figure. I am not alone. The pile on began in earnest last night with pieces by Fred Kaplan, Gary Bass, and Spencer Ackerman.

I was surprised to see that the late Anthony Bourdain was trending on Twitter, never X. This is why:

Frequently, I’ve come to regret things I’ve said. This, from 2001, is not one of those times: pic.twitter.com/1NiHlupJkL

— Anthony Bourdain (@Bourdain) February 5, 2018

If I believed in heaven or hell, I’d believe that everyone makes their own hell ala Dante, Sartre, and TV’s Lucifer. The possibilities for Henry Kissinger are endless:

Cambodia: Kissinger unleashed the furies that led to the bloody rule of the Khmer Rouge. Genocide is an overused word right now. This was the real deal. Thanks, Henry.

Chile: There was an effort afoot in the Nixon administration to reach an accommodation with Salvador Allende. It was sabotaged by Kissinger, which led to the murder of the Chilean president and his replacement by the vicious dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet.

Bangladesh: Kissinger was behind the tilt towards Pakistan in the 1971 Indo-Pakistan war. It was vintage Kissinger: The US supported a dictatorship over a democracy. The war resulted in massive suffering, displacement, and bloodshed. The only good thing to come out of it was George Harrison’s Concert For Bangladesh. I’m surprised Kissinger didn’t take credit for it. He was an expert at taking credit and avoiding blame.

1968 Election: Kissinger leaked information to the Nixon campaign about the progress of peace talks between the Johnson administration and the North Vietnamese. This, in turn, led to successful efforts to sabotage the negotiations and thereby the election. Kissinger did it to get a job with Nixon.

Vietnam: Kissinger and Nixon prolonged the Vietnam War. It was allegedly to obtain “peace with honor” but that was a lie. They withdrew troops but escalated the bombing with tragic results. Kissinger impacted the 1972 election by declaring, “Peace is at hand.” It was not.

The Nobel Peace Prize: Kissinger accepted the prize knowing that the war would escalate after the inevitable failure of Vietnamization. His Vietnamese counterpart Le Duc Tho did not accept the prize because he was not a hypocrite on the level of Henry Kissinger.

Watergate: Kissinger managed to escape being slimed by the scandal because his super power was sucking up to the media. But it was Kissinger’s obsession with leaks that led to the formation of the White House plumbers unit who burglarized the office of Daniel Ellsberg’s shrink. That was the opening shot in the Watergate scandal, which led to the downfall of Richard Nixon and his replacement by Gerald Ford who swallowed Kissinger’s sick shtick whole.

By my count, that’s seven circles of hell for the mendacious Metternich wannabe. I’m sure there are others but I’m writing a post not a book.

Kissinger was never again entrusted with power after leaving Foggy Bottom in January of 1977. Gerald Ford remained besotted with Kissinger and allowed him to negotiate terms for a Reagan-Ford super ticket in 1980. That effort flopped in part because Team Reagan thought Kissinger was a lying sack of shit who would betray them in a heartbeat.

Henry Kissinger was the sort of person I despise. He was the classic bully: He sucked up and kicked down. He was a consummate hypocrite. He claimed to hate leakers, but he was the biggest one around as well as the second biggest liar. Nobody could top Richard Nixon when it came to lying but Kissinger gave him a run for his money.

It’s disgusting that this horrible man was still treated as a foreign policy oracle as he grew old and stooped. Instead, Henry Kissinger was a lying no-neck dirtbag who outlived his many sins and crimes. He deserves to rot or burn in his own personal hell.

Shorter Adrastos: Henry Kissinger can go fuck himself.

The last word goes to Monty Python followed by George Harrison: