1884 featured one of the dirtiest and most entertaining presidential campaigns in American history. It was a non-stop slagging match between the competent and corrupt Republican James G Blaine and the competent and sanctimonious Democrat Grover Cleveland. In addition to the post title, it had two of the most memorable lines in American political history:

James G. Blaine, continental liar from the state of Maine.

Democrats are the party of rum, Romanism and rebellion.

Both were true, but the second line damaged Blaine’s campaign since it was bigoted. Even worse for the continental liar from the state of Maine, it guaranteed a high turnout among Catholic voters, Irish and German alike. They said no to the party of Lincoln.

1884 was the first victory by a Democratic presidential candidate since 1856, which is no big whoop since I would have been a Republican then as it was the closest thing to a liberal party until the greedy oligarchs ruined it. It’s the patrimonialism, stupid.

Now that I’ve given you a thumbnail sketch of  the 1884 campaign,  let’s return to the title: Ma, Ma, Where’s My Pa? Gone To The White House, Ha, Ha, Ha.

The second sentence was the Democratic retort to Republican mockery of Grover Cleveland for having a child out of wedlock. It ended up helping him in spite of images like this:

The entire baby daddy controversy had the effect of humanizing the austere and remote Cleveland.

Sometimes attacks backfire. This was one of those times.

It’s time to link the 1884 election to what’s going on in 2025. Others have paired Cleveland with fellow non-consecutive president Donald Trump, I’m paring him with that prolific parent, Reich Chancellor Elon Musk of failing car company fame.

One of the funniest writers on the planet is the Guardian’s Marina Hyde. Dig her take on the Musk Man:

“If only Elon Musk could impregnate humans at the same rate he’s giving them the ick. Alas, polls show the efficiency tsar’s US approval rating dwindling towards levels he has enjoyed for quite some time among the UK public. And as a country that lived through the Boris Johnson era, I think we have to warn the Americans that if a government figure can’t or won’t answer the basic question “how many kids do you have?”, then he’s probably going to turn out to be a disappointment. And it might even have been a warning sign. If the WhatsApp group of his exes is bigger than Mumsnet and 10 times as pissed off, then it’s just possible you could be dealing with a guy you’re going to end up feeling betrayed by.

Is Musk that guy? Who among us can say, certainly considering the sheer number and ferocity of the lawyers Mister Free Speech employs? I do know Elon is something called a “pronatalist”, but I increasingly wonder whether that’s just a fancy new word for a very old form of shittiness. Consider the spectacle of his ex, Grimes, coming on to the social media platform Musk owns and outright begging him to get in touch for his input concerning a “medical crisis” for one of their shared children. “I’m not giving any details but he won’t respond to texts call or emails and has skipped every meeting and our child will suffer lifelong impairment if he doesn’t respond asap, so I need him to fucking respond and if I have to apply public pressure then I guess that’s where we are at.” These posts were either deleted or are now inaccessible, while one user suggested she had been “shadowbanned”. Silly Grimes. If she had put a rape threat some antisemitism in her APB, it would have stayed up.”

I’m old enough to remember when the GOP styled itself as the party of family values. Now it’s the party of Trumpy-Musky values. GOP bible bangers have sold out to Trump and his glitzy and shallow reality TV values.

The MAGA GOP has manifold family problems. One of Elon’s daughters has been criticizing him in a way that past dissident presidential offspring never did. Vivian Jenna Wilson is transgender and has gone off on her absent father in a way that Patti Davis never came close to. She saved her sharpest barbs for Nancy.

Here’s what Vivian had to say about one of Reich Chancellor Musk’s most appalling moments:

“The Nazi salute shit was insane. Honey, we’re going to call a fig a fig, and we’re going to call a Nazi salute what it was. That shit was definitely a Nazi salute.”

No shit, Viv.

I suspect the Kaiser of Chaos doesn’t mind the Elon slagging. It makes him look like a better parent, which isn’t easy. Besides, hypocrisy is MAGA’s jam.

For years, Musk claimed to have 7 children. The magic number is actually 14 with 4 baby mamas. If you lie about how many kids you have, you’ll lie about anything. That’s part of Musk’s attraction to Trump: someone who lies as often and exuberantly as he does. That’s hard to find even in today’s GOP, which has more liars per square foot than a Hollywood agent’s convention.

I’m not sure who’s the new Grover Cleveland, Trump or Musk. They’re both more like Blaine, continental liars only not from the state of Maine.

These are the people who half the voters trusted with power; including Christian nationalists who live to preach and hector the rest of us. They should consider the company they keep: Donald Trump and Elon Musk are bad fathers and even worse human beings. They’re committing fraud on the American people with their attack on Social Security while lying about what they’re really up to. So much for family values. Jesus weeps.

You know the situation is dire when an atheist name checks Jesus.

The last word goes to Madonna: