I try to avoid commenting on ginned up online MAGA controversies. They hurt my brain with their brainlessness. The Cracker Barrel logo flap may take the cake as the stupidest MAGA meltdown ever. And that is why Byron Donalds is malaka of the week.

Byron Donalds is a MAGA Congressman from Florida. He’s running for the GOP gubernatorial nomination. The Louse’s spouse, Casey DeSantis, is also considering the race. That’s like a choice between execution by hanging or firing squad. It’s the same gambit pulled by George Wallace when he was term limited in Alabama: His wife Lurleen followed him in office. Only a MAGA  maggot would want to channel George Wallace. The derivative malakatude, it burns.

Donalds is determined to out-MAGA the artist formerly known as Trump’s mini-me. That’s why he led the charge against the Cracker Barrel logo change:

That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. Donalds gave his life to Jesus in a Cracker Barrel parking lot? Who does he think he is, Jimmy Swaggart? That sounds like the title of a shitty country song that even Swaggart wouldn’t write let alone his cousins Mickey Gilley and Jerry Lee Lewis. Goodness gracious, great balls of malakatude.

Pressure from Donalds and The Donald led Cracker Barrel to drop its revised logo, which was boring and generic, not woke whatever the hell that means. I hate that term almost as much as the MAGA morons but for different reasons: they’ve turned woke into a club to hit the libs with. It’s stupid and so are those dipshits who still say they’re woke as fuck. Goodness gracious, great balls of malakatude.

I realize that I’m beating a dead horse. Team MAGA won this round but who gives a shit about a chain whose sole contribution to our culinary culture is an item that looks like a turd?

What does any sensible person do with a turd? Flush it. While you’re at it, flush Byron Donalds’ insipid campaign to be the bull goose Florida Man. Haven’t they suffered enough with Rick Scott and Ron DeSantis? And that is why Byron Donalds is malaka of the week.

Repeat after me: Goodness gracious great balls of malakatude.

The last word goes to Sonny Landreth: