O’Hanlon’s Homeresque Odyssey–D’oh

So it seems bad things are happening in Iraq due to all thatsurge success and it has left many wondering what the heck is going on. Now you could read a summary byPaul Kiel over at TPM but let’s be honest, by the time you hit the fifth paragraph your head will hurt so, what with the splinter groups, Sadr, Shite miltias, Iraqi forces and rogue militias not to mention who we do or do not support, that incredulously you’ll be reaching for a fifth of this…


There must be a simpler easier way to get a grip on this and I suggest we turn to Michael O’Hanlon. Wait, wait, hear me out. Now I know people guffawed whenO’Hanlon stated that Vince Lombardi would be proudof the surge architects and referred to them as “the Lombardis.” I admit it bothered me. My first thought was why bring Vince into this. But then I had a grudging respect for O’Hanlon’s risk taking at invoking aliberal Democrat–I mean one who was even OK with gay players on his teams (yes gays roamed even back in the dinasaur days of football but I’m surethese guys can take the kids on a pilgrimage of sorts toCanton and explain that away) But oh I digress from my point that it was a bit of a gambit for O’Hanlon to invoke Lombardi in this fashion on the heels ofMoDo’s dance with Mrs. Gene Kelly. For what if Marie Lombardi decided to write a letter…err wait

Vince Lombardi is buried next to his wife and his parents, in the Mount Olivet Cemetery

Well that is all really beside my point. See truth be told I wasn’t bothered so much that O’Hanlon was in effect ascribing tacit support of Republican Bush lead Iraq War to the once proud liberal Democrat Vince Lombardi (now deceased and thus unable to treat O’Hanlon as he would treat all pundits doing such — the same–like dogs see Henry Jordon) And it didn’t bother me quite so much that O’Hanlon dodged the evident problems of invoking a man who once said Winning is Everything in regard to a war that BushCo hopes to play out to a stalemate and pass on to the next prez. (Don’t anyone get smart about whether Vince really said that because we cheeseheads were raised on it–that’s our story and we’re sticking to it). No as I thought more and more of this I realized that if truth be told O’Hanlon was on to something. He just didn’t take it far enough.

I mean the architects of the surge are “Lombardis” because of their perserverance and focus on fundamentals? No No NO! It’s obvious to any born and bred cheesehead (not to be confused with breaded and fried cheesecurds by all accounts bad for cheeseheads but good for your Lipitor stock). The apt analogy here is to Lombardi’s offensive scheme ofRun to Daylight

Once described as an offense of “complex simplicity,” it was centered around Jim Taylor and Paul Hornung
getting to whatever hole might be available – with all possible haste –
and through it as soon as possible, with, of course, the considerable
assistance of Forrest Gregg, Jerry Kramer and Fuzzy Thurston, among others, blocking up front.

I mean there it is! Did I not hear again and again duringFrontline’s Bush’s War that the strategy even early on in Iraq was–We’re out of here?

I am sure that O’Hanlon is quite aware of this and fully intends to flesh it out further. In fact I a blogger of not evenwaning influence, given only an average of one interview request peryear, find myself a bit embarrased to even broach the topic in advance of the man (ok it was radio and yes local radio but once almost Air America if it hadn’t been for disaster zone phone problems).

Of course what would be tricky in delving further into this would be explaining the inevitable—Tom Landry’s “flex defense”

When Landry was hired by the Dallas Cowboys, he became concerned with
then-Green Bay Packers Coach Vince Lombardi’s “Run to Daylight” idea,
where the running back went to an open space, rather than a specific
assigned hole. Landry reasoned that the best counter was to take away

To do this, he refined the 4-3 defense by moving two of the four
linemen off the line of scrimmage one yard and varied which linemen did
this based on where the Cowboys thought the offense might run. This
change was called “The Flex Defense,” because it altered its alignment
to counter what the offense might do. Thus, there were three such Flex
Defenses — strong, weak, and “tackle” — where both defensive tackles
were off the line of scrimmage.

OK that’s getting complicated as well — more Jägermeister please.


Obviously O’Hanlon has his work cut out for him. For if Lombardi’s Run to Daylight is America’s strategy then obviously Tom Landry’s Flex Defense is Muqtada al-Sadr and I could be wrong but I do believeAlicia Landry is still alive.

See how complicated this is? But the “Lombardis” of the world are risk takers and I do seeA Way for O’Hanlon. (And if it comes togetting all Jerry Jones on Tom Landry well so be it. We are at war after all andinterviews sticking to it is at stake)

So what isA Way for O’Hanlon through this minefield fraught with danger of being bitch slapped by Tom Landry’s wife and all of Texas? Well I would respectfully submit to set things aright we must go back to whenall became out of kilter which inextricably leads us to this guy…


As I am sure you are aware, Homer, hoping to improve his leadership qualities, bought Tom Landry’s fedora andapparently still owns it. O’Hanlon must not only posit but forcefully argue that any hope of more success for the “Lombardis” and of course in Iraq demands the re-acquisition of the magic fedora.

Of course I can only take it this far given my lack of interview requests. Great minds such as the “Lombardis” must be left to scheme out the strategy by which that can occur and then determine exactly WHO ought to possess the mighty magic and power that lies therein with the fedora.

Thus I expect anyday, and a little less than once a day, to see Mr. O’Hanlon gracing the airwaves like the Lombardi Golden Boy he is.Running, Running, Running. Pressing the case. And in the green room of each cabloid network he shall grace, hopefully will hang the sign, the one which Lombardi had hung above the Packer’s lockers bearing the wise words of his mentor, Earl Blaik…


Or not.

For Dallas.Ice Bowl.

7 thoughts on “O’Hanlon’s Homeresque Odyssey–D’oh

  1. well, clearly, you were tying one on royally last night!! And today, you will be mighty hungover. So, here is my best hangover advice: Take an Airborne tablet and two Alka Seltzers in a tall glass of water. Drink it! Eat a banana. Take two Advil. Drink a full glass of Coca Cola (classic — get the kosher kind, if possible — it’s sweetened with sugar cane, not high fructose corn syrup). You may want to sprinkle a little salt in the cola to get rid of some bubbles.
    Take a LONG shower.
    Now, if you are in Wisconsin — find a Kopps or a Culvers and have a big butter burger with cheese. And fries. And a regular Coca Cola.
    You should feel better… now, take a nap.

  2. Genius.
    Who knew that the simple addition of a pulling guard could win the war in Iraq?
    That’s why O’Hanlon makes the big bucks.
    However, I don’t think any war plan is complete without the addition of tough and mean SOBs Ray Nitschke and Reggie White.

  3. jesus, hausfrau, I feel nauseous reading that, and I’m not even hungover.
    The only way to cure a hangover is to take two ibuprofen and a big glass of orange juice WHILE YOU’RE STILL DRUNK, the night before, before you pass out. Next morning, have coffee and chocolate.
    Also, this post made me howl with laughter.

  4. I know it sounds nauseating… but trust me when I say that Mr. Drunken and I have successfully managed many a hangover in Milwaukee … ask him, he’ll tell you the ibuprofen, Coke, and butter burger are the key ingredients…
    And I try to drink the Alka Seltzer/Airborne concoction the night before, while I’m still drunk — big glass of water.
    See, Scout, I saw the Jaegermeister and just started flashing back on too many happy nights of my youth… and the painful days that followed!
    After seeing Chimpy explain that the extreme violence in Basra is proof of our “success” in Iraq, I am convinced he is completely hammered on bad hooch. Hallucinating. There is no cure for stupid and evil.

  5. That’s some fancy barstool philisophizin’ – but doesn’tsomeone have to have a brain to go under the fedora?

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