38 thoughts on “Weekend Question Post

  1. Single. But am in a losing situation w/my dearest male friend whom I have known for over 14 years now. We dated once for like a week early on, but it was only ever so casual. A couple of years later, owing to the great times we would have hanging out, I realized I was deeply in love w/him. He didn’t return the romantic sentiment, tho’ he loved me as a friend. He went his way, I went mine. 7 years (and some stinker boyfriends on my side) pass and in the midst of the lousiest break-up evah, I found him again on myspace…! We reconnected, and it’s been just over a year now, but he is going through “Man-o-pause” having some serious mid-life issues. However, we may actually have a tryst weekend soon – at least that part of my curiosity will be answered. I still adore him, he calls me on my bullsh*t (and even when it isn’t bullsh*t) and I call him on his. The downside is he lives in the Austin area, I am in the Houston area. That wouldn’t be so bad if gas prices weren’t OTT.
    He’s my ‘boy’, he’s my “Martin Q. Blank” (to my Debi?). There is an attraction between us and he knows I can make him laugh (and I helped to talk him off of the ledge just a couple of weeks ago), and I make him mad (but he does the same for me).
    I don’t want anyone else – even the boyfriends since meeting him have been chosen because of shadowy resemblances in character – but they weren’t him, and it showed.
    I know, it’s dumb to pine, but unless John Cusack were to cross my path, I just don’t fancy myself with anyone else. Here’s hoping that tryst weekend turns into something real.
    Peace,
    Elspeth

  2. Met at the old 602 club in Madison. About to celebrate 35 years in August.

  3. Single, but partnered.
    In a long distance thing (clear across the state of MA) because I’m a moron, and so I’m moving there, since she isn’t moving back in. But I think we’re good. I hope we’re good. I want to grow old with her.

  4. allow me to add, through no malfeasance on my part or hers, but just sheer idiocy on my part, I find myself in this tough spot. I earned it.

  5. Married since 2002 to a man I should have married back in 1965 (if only we’d met back then!)
    My first marriage ended in divorce in 1974 and I was single until 2002 – a long time to be a single mother, but a time in which I came to love the aloneness (a different thing than loneliness, for sure.)
    But my husband and I met online in a general discussion newsgroup – he in Seattle, me in Northeast Tennessee. We exchanged over 13,000 emails over a period of 3 years before ever actually laying eyes on each other or being in the same time zone! We created our web sites, Dear Aunt Nettie and theMuseum of Depressionist Art by emails before meeting in the flesh as well. But a correspondence of that long pretty much reveals one’s true personality and goals, concepts much more valuable to us than “dating.” We’d both been single for so long and were so content in our single states that all of this came as a total surprise. A lovely surprise. Now I know what Robert Browning meant when he said, “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.” We found each other in our early 60’s and look forward to each day as the best one yet.
    Once we actually met in person, it took 2 months for him to move to my location and we were married shortly thereafter. Best decision of our lives!

  6. met my long distance soul mate FINALLY in 2000. took to long to get closer, and now he’s dead. i’m too young to stop looking. i want to smile again.

  7. Married nearly 21 years to a woman who gets more amazing every year.
    She’s solid, true, kind and smart. I’ve known that for 20 years. But right after our 20th anniversary, I began to learn something else.
    She was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It’s a fairly rare breast cancer, with a fairly high mortality rate. There’s no tumor to remove — just little pepper flakes of cancer sprinkled throughout the breast.
    So after a strong round of chemo, they remove the breast. Then, more chemo and radiation. We’re a week away from done with the radiation, and a PET scan shows her to be clean of cancer. We’re lucky.
    But what’s amazing is this: If her hair hadn’t fallen out, you’d have never known she was sick with a life-threatening cancer. She stopped — stopped! — worrying the day she got the diagnosis.
    She’s been the same strong and true friend, though she’s been forced to accept kindness after kindness from her friends.
    We’ve laughed every day, just as we always have. We’ve done nearly all of the things we’d normally have done. And she accepts her disfigurement with a matter-of-factness that still amazes me. I can only hope to be half the person she is.
    And that’s my love story. It needed to be told.

  8. The first time he asked me out, I said no. He asked me out for THAT SAME NIGHT, and though I had nothing to do that night, I still said no. He kept on asking, planning better and better each time. I would go, and our conversations would be stilted, weird. Couldn’t get a rhythm going – just when I thought he’d stopped talkig, I’d try to speak and he’d chime in with something else along the same lines. Things got easier there. We got more comfortable with each other.
    He invited me to a beer tasting at the Fair Grounds. We both tasted beer out the wazoo and tried waiting for a bus, only to start walking and talking. Then he asked me a question I knew he knew the answer to: “What do you think – can a long-distance relationship work?”
    I drunkenly sat down at another bus stop and said, “Look, from my experience, unless somebody in the relationship is willing to move to be closer to the other, it doesn’t have much of a chance.” We smiled at each other and kept on walking and talking.
    Shortly afterwards, he told me he’d broken up with her. She was back in California and he’d tried to keep it going, but over two years had passed and neither he nor she wanted to move.
    Not long afterwards, we went to a game at Wrigley Field. Bobby Cox got tossed out. The Cubs lost it. Andres Galarraga homered for the only run of the game, the winning run. We walked out to the rental car, and he asked me to marry him.
    Seven-plus years ago, we were married at the synagogue in New Orleans, where we’d met as fellow volunteer choir members. The choir sang for us at the ceremony. The jazz band had never played a Jewish wedding before, but they were still talking about it years afterwards. We had a good start, and it just keeps on keepin’ on…

  9. Met my husband via a blind date in 1976, when we were both about to begin our senior year in high school. We went out together our whole senior year and then went to different colleges, he to the University of Arizona, me to Georgetown. But we quickly decided that that was for the birds and agreed to transfer to the same school together, the University of Wisconsin-Madison. When I tell people this story (once they’ve gotten over the “aw, that’s so cute, you were high school sweethearts” part), they assume that we chose UW because it was halfway between our first schools, but in fact we chose it because it was strong in physics, his major, and history, my major. Neither one of us had ever even BEEN to Wisconsin before that August day when we boarded the plane to Madison for the first time; we’d never seen the campus and had no idea of what the college would be like. Probably we were both a little crazy to do something so unusual; our families all thought so.
    But it all worked out. We got married our senior year, he moved to Massachusetts when I went to law school, and the both of us moved to New York, where we raised our daughter (who’s now going to college in Massachusetts). It’s been 27 1/2 years that we’ve been married and 32 years (almost) that we’ve been together, and we’re still as much in love as we were when we first married.

  10. A girlfriend and I had gone one Friday night to hang out at a local area where there were a number of bars and clubs. We were in Rick’s Cafe Americain. Several younger guys were hanging around and trying to pick us up, but they were all way too young and we were way too old. My friend had several of her other friends at our table and we were all just hooting it up and having a pretty good time listening to the band. A nice looking guy in a suit came up and sat by me and asked me where my boyfriend was. Had none was the answer. We talked for awhile and then he got up and wandered off. I’ll forever remember that Eddie the dentist from across the table said to me…Hey! Where’s the guy in the suit? I dunno, my answer…he then said, you need to go find him…he’s the one for you. So, I got up and found him out back and we’ve been together ever since. That was in 1987. Turns out he had left his office that afternoon and told his secretary he was going to go out and find a new wife. And he did. Got married in 1989 and had a son in 1991. Eddie was right.

  11. It took me 46 years to find the right woman and we’ve been together for seven years now. I met MJ at a marathon training group get together and found out she loved to salsa dance. MJ’s best friend was one of my running partners. I asked my friend for her phone number. I asked her out and we stayed out all night dancing. That was the last time we’ve been dancing except at a few weddings. We keep meaning to go again but after working all day and exercising we never do. She grew up in Mexico City and I grew up outside of Austin and our backgrounds could hardly be more different, except oddly enough both of us we went through the same radiographer training program at different times. It took a long time but I can honestly now say I am lucky in love.

  12. I am in the relationship from Hell, and that’s a good thing. Six years now living and working together 24/7, we have yet to strangle each other. (Though we each think about it)
    We met online back in 2000. The both of us were coming to grips about our Gender Identities, and we struck up a conversation that has never ended. (Try 10,000 minutes/month on the phone, and that’s not counting the live chats) In the Fall of ’01 I finally told her that I thought I was falling in love with her. My ex had just divorced me because of my Gender Diagnosis, and that was one very hard thing to accept. I was thrown away in order for her to get her inheritance from her Conservative parents.
    I moved back to New Orleans in ’02, and a few months later my beloved Betty came to visit. She missed the exit, called me, and then she drove right past my house. She called again and I kept her on the phone and stood on my porch and watched her drive up.We spent ten days together and she had to return home, but she seemed satisfied that I “was” real. I went with her on the return trip and she sent me back via train. Both of us were crying as I boarded the train.
    Two months later she called and said she could not wait any longer to come and be with me. I spent 23 hours on busses to get to Miami in order to pack her house into a truck. When I arrived at the terminal (looking like shit from the trip), she got out of her car and grabbed me. She had to work so I did the packing and we drove back together.
    We have bought our own house here (and I cried when she donated half of the property to me), ran from Katrina, watched New Orleans flood, and then fled to SoCal from Rita. We returned and have been supporting each other through the entire rebuilding process. We have each other and teh kittehs. We have a fantastic home and soon our own restaurant.
    She makes the money (I’m on SSDI), and my job is to do research and fight for our tribe and New Orleans. It’s an interesting relationship, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this World.
    The Goddess knows: I love my girl.
    (Here’s the interesting part- she had a Spiritual vision over forty years ago, and she was told about Morwen, and the adventures we both would have. Betts asked, “Who is Morwen?”. Years later she would find out.)

  13. I first saw my wife on the first day of school our seventh grade year. She was wearing this blue dress that made her look very Annette Funachello-like–and I was smitten. Our lockers were close to each other since our last names started with the same letter, so my campaign needed not be a long-distance one, though it turned out to be long-range.
    She had another boyfriend but I was persistent. It wasn’t until the summer between our junior and senior year of high school that I was able to persuade her to go out with me and, before the summer was over, to go steady. We got married while in college; she eventually finished; I did not. And now, 43 years, two children and two grandchildren later, we’re both retired, she from teaching and I from the weekly newspaper biz. We’re both happily looking forward to a Bush-free future.

  14. Married the love of my life in the French Quarter in 2001. Two daughters (4,1) later and a Federal Flood later, we’re still going strong, still laughing off the hard truths in New Orleans together.

  15. Met my honey 31 years ago this summer when he moved into my apartment building. His 10-year old daughter was visiting from out of state and took a shine to me and she probably spent more time in my apartment than with her dad. He moved in with me at the end of the summer and we’ve been together ever since. BUT we didn’t get married until last October after 30 years of cohabitation. I guess we wanted to make sure it was the real thing. BTW, he’s 17 years older and can out bike me any day of the week. Our age difference never mattered a bit but now that we are getting older I’m beginning to realize I’ll most likely spend too many years alone thinking of all the good times. But I wouldn’t trade him for the world!

  16. Single and dealing with it…two significant others that didn’t quite work out, a few more not-so-sig-ots that didn’t either. Oh well.

  17. Deliciously single. Truly a confirmed bachelor. While I adore company, and intimacy, and sharing even, at the end of the day I love my solitude. Strangely, it allows me to be periodically deeply available to my many friends and family, interspersed with periods of “falling off the face of the earth”.
    It has allowed me to tend to aging parents and stand by dying friends.
    It has allowed me to say “yes” to crazy job offers halfway across the world.
    Alas. It would be nice to have someone to remind me where I left the keys, and help me decide what to eat for dinner.

  18. Married for 1.5 years. If you look up the year 2000 in The Annals Of Dorkitude, you’ll find our courtship in the chapter on UW South Campus Romances. I was a geology grad student, he worked for DoIT and I was in the market for a laptop. (Ok, stop with the snorting liquids out your nose, already.) One evening, we met at Union South, talked over Babcock icecream about campuswide WiFi and wireless signals (told you, dorks), decided we liked each other to keep talking and went to dinner at New Orleans Takeout, which was definitely a sign of things to come.
    We haven’t been apart since that day except for a year and a few months right after Katrina, in which time our lives and relationship could have completely fallen apart but did not. Like I recently told a friend, the end of 2005 brought out the best and worst in a lot of us over here and made us realize the true nature of friends and loved ones.
    It’s not easy for two opinionated, gregarious Type As. (Marriage is work, but we know that and agreed to it.) But I’d go through Katrina, Rita and any flavor of hell over and over again to be with this man. And I know he will do the same for me.

  19. Escariot, I was the same way until I found the right person to accept to me and my crazy schedule. He has a nutty one as well but we just let each other be who we are and things are fine. 23 years later we are still making a life together. That part of a relationship never ends. You don’t “work” at it, you tend to it and help it grow like flowers or vegetables. I think our relationship is more an over grown vegetable garden with lots of hidden places for not so perfect things to grow. Some things are plain like beans and other things are exotic hybrids (like a zucchini tomato!)
    And you know, if you never do bond with someone, that is fine.
    You’re wonderful just being you.

  20. Well, my pelvic confidant and I met in a health food store. She worked there part time and I shopped there. A friend of mine thought she looked exotic and first pointed her out to me. And he was right. She certainly did, and still does, look exotic.
    I wasn’t even thinking that she’d be interested in me (I am a dozen years older) but she was nice so I started taking her samples of the things I made in the kitchen, and this eventually led to a dinner date some months later. It took a long time to get to that dinner date because I was in a long distance relationship with a very emotionally abusive girl in the US. I was really quite depressed from that and so wasn’t really “looking” – well, I was looking to get out of the relationship, but wasn’t really looking to get into a new one. But this health food store girl (also a farmer’s daughter) seemed very nice and I thought we could be friends because we could talk and it was real and natural and nobody was trying to be something interesting as so often happens when you are interested in something more. So eventually we had that dinner date. And another one two weeks later. After that we were inseparable.
    We have been together for just a little more than 15 years and I still wake up every morning thrilled to see her face on the next pillow, and thinking I’m so very lucky to have met her. We aren’t married yet, but we are going to do that sometime soon. It’s not that we need to do it – we made the commitment long ago when we decided to have our first child – but we are going to get married and use it as an excuse to have a very big party with all of our friends. We have four children – two girls and two boys – and we have had a great time with them, especially the youngest.
    For 14 years have had a huge garden on her dads farm just on the edge of town and we grow a lot of our own food, including herbs that we blend too. We are pretty keen “foodies” and there’s not much we enjoy more than to work together in the kitchen preparing some elaborate meal. We’ve spent many a Saturday or Sunday afternoon busily chopping, sautéing, sipping wine, pausing for a kiss in passing, and building multi-course meals. These are wonderful days. We stave of the weight that could come from all of this eating by being keen cyclists. With 6 of us now cycling together we look like a biker gang coming down the road.
    She’s also an accomplished artist and weaver. The Governor General of Canada has one of her hand-dyed, hand-woven shawls in her wardrobe, and she’s had work in the provinces leading art gallery (as has our oldest daughter).
    And the best thing is that she’s my very best friend. I’d much rather spend my time with my girl than to be out with the guys. I’m looking very much forward to more great years with this wonderful woman. Couldn’t have turned out better. Wouldn’t trade her for anything.

  21. I’m in a long-distance relationship with a guy who lives in Birkenhead, England. (I live halfway between Toronto and Detroit.) Five time zones is hard to manage; it’s about the same as if I lived in Vancouver and he lived in St. John’s, Newfoundland, except there’s an international border in the way and you can’t drive from there to here without magical assistance.
    We “met” on Slashdot. I liked his comments. He e-mailed me to ask me a question about Judaism (not that I’m Jewish, but I’m about the closest thing to a know-some-of-it that he knows), and we started having a conversation that hasn’t ended yet, years later.
    At the time, I was engaged to a guy from Long Island, NY, but that went bad because of his drug abuse and concomitant emotional abuse, so I dumped the guy from Long Island and later on somehow found myself in a relationship with this guy from England.
    I really don’t know where it’s going from here. I suspect that if we get together, I’ll move there, for purely administrative reasons — I have better credentials and more reasons for the UK government to issue me a work permit than he has reasons for the Canadian government to issue one for him. (Anybody know anyone who’s hiring technical writers in the UK?)

  22. J. and I met working at the same tiny NW Georgia paper, the Rome News-Tribune, and we started dating right after he got fired for asking not to have his byline printed on a horrendous piece of boosterism (supporting the public financing of a civic center /convention hall with the cringe-inducing name of “The Roman Forum” – blech). He moved from Rome to Athens for his new job (at least the music was better), and we back and forthed across the state every other weekend or so (when gas was a blissful $0.70 a gallon – I feel for you, Elspeth) until I got laid off in January and moved in with him.
    We got engaged a year later and married about 8 months after that, and here we are, nearly 20 years from that fateful date in Sept. 1989, with one kid, one dog, two cats, five fish, a frog, two mice and a stickbug (and a hungry mortgage). Time flies.
    We’re both atheists, but he is of the cynical variety while I place high on the activist scale. He puts up with my blogging and freeway blogging and bakesales for New Orleans, and I for the most part try not to bug him into enlisting into my mad crusades.
    It’s not always easy, but it’s love.

  23. Single, always except close to not being 2-3 times, no regrets. Straight, not that there’s anything wrong with any alternative.
    At some point, legalized monogamy just struck me as more “jail” than anything else.
    But on holidays now, coming home to an empty house is bittersweet. Soon, it will just be bitter.
    Kudos to those who can risk their hearts.
    For fun and because it is objectively true, I say, “I’m happy being single at least 51% of the time.”
    That one has never failed to get a laugh out of a married person. Never.

  24. Thanks Slim. I don’t know if my guy and I will actually work out – too much time may have passed for a romance. But who knows…?
    Everyone, I am touched by your stories and wish you all the best!!!
    Hugs,
    Elspeth (sadly home from New Orleans now)

  25. Married the partner who holds up my sky the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend in 1990 — only time we both had 3 days off.
    Honeymoon trip to Six Flags Over Texas. Two kids, too many cats, and a paid-off mortgage later, haven’t quit grinning yet.

  26. God, did I luck out. I had given up entirely on any kind of relationship, and was okay with that. Then I decided to take on a committee job at work, and one of the other committee members was this funny, charming, adorable bear of a guy. A year of committee hell was made bearable by debriefing meetings with him.
    I’m such an idiot, I tried to chase him away because I was scared. Thank god he’s the bravest man I’ve ever met. We’ve been married nearly 7 years, and I couldn’t be happier.
    I hope all of you wonderful, wonderful people get the happiness you want. You all deserve it.

  27. Wonderful stories! No matter if you are partnered or not, you all have interesting lives. I loved ready many of the tales.
    And for the single folks, I spent much of my live alone, but sooner or later you will run into the person that that fits.
    This thread has helped me very much.

  28. I’m single and always have been. Too insecure to put myself out there, and you can’t win if you don’t play. So it goes.

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