In the past, I would achieve a semblance–or an illusion–of balance by criticizing Democrats for not responding effectively when right-wing sludge merchants poisoned our national elections with their filth and lies…But there is no excuse for what the McCain campaign is doing on the “putting America first” front. There is no way to balance it, or explain it other than as evidence of a severe character defect on the part of the candidate who allows it to be used.
What a slimy hamster-shaped buttplug of a human being he is. Good Christ. Joe, I hate to break this to you. I hate to break this to you because I can’t do it without yelling and it upsets the neighbors but THEY HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR YEARS WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? This isn’t NEW. This isn’t something we’ve never seen before. THEY HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE NIXON AND THEY WILL KEEP BEING LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU KEEP FALLING FOR IT, YOU SHALLOW, HISTORICALLY ILLITERATE BASTARD.
They were like this in 2004, back when you were pushing the bullshitboth of them suck but Kerry’s a pussy about it, whereas Bush sucks with gusto argument, and they were like this in 2003, when you were for the war before you were against it, but not like a hippie or anything, and they were like this 30 years ago, back when the world still had hope of you having any moral courage at all. Just below the surface, Joe, and I know the surface is where you thrive, but just an eighth of an inch below it, they have always scuba-ed in the roiling mire of racism and sexism and homophobia and hatred, and yet here you are, now that they’re finally, finally on the decline, figuring out that they kind of suck.
It’s too bad, Joe. It’s too bad you couldn’t have clued into this sometime in 2000, when it might have made a difference for the candidate you once called “an honorable man,” who had he been president in 2001 might have at least paid attention when someone handed him a piece of paper that says YOUR COUNTRY IS ABOUT TO BE MONUMENTALLY FUCKED BY A DUDE IN A CAVE PLEASE WAKE UP OH MY GOD. It’s too bad none of this occurred to you in 2002, when, buoyed by our successes kicking the shit out of shitless Afghanistan, your newmanly hero was beginning to make noises about his Next Big Thing. It’s too bad you couldn’t have noticed what scumsucking motherfuckers you were propping up when you went all weak-kneed over invading Iraq, or when a good man ran for president and was slammed by people whose billboards declared “One Nation. Under God.” Admittedly, it wasn’t “Country First,” but it was close enough for this government’s work. It’s really too bad you couldn’t have noticed back before we lost our civil liberties, and ten states put discrimination on the ballot, and Jerome Corsi became a bestselling author, and Max Cleland was called a coward, and Wesley Clark a traitor, and Cindy Sheehan a grief whore or whatever it was they called her.
You’re looking around now, in amazement, going, “Dude. What the fuck?” and I’m sorry, but you’re not a kindergartner and I am not obligated to praise your diorama. Which is fucking LATE, and the dinosaurs didn’t look like that, and fuck you, basically, Joe, for showing upnow, when America isthis. Thanks for all the help. Really. F-minus. Try failing again.