You’ll Pardon Me

If I’m not quite ready to give Joe Klein a medal for getting up this morning and noting that human beings breathe oxygen and Republican campaign operatives are nationalist, xenophobic suckholes:

In the past, I would achieve a semblance–or an illusion–of balance by criticizing Democrats for not responding effectively when right-wing sludge merchants poisoned our national elections with their filth and lies…But there is no excuse for what the McCain campaign is doing on the “putting America first” front. There is no way to balance it, or explain it other than as evidence of a severe character defect on the part of the candidate who allows it to be used.

What a slimy hamster-shaped buttplug of a human being he is. Good Christ. Joe, I hate to break this to you. I hate to break this to you because I can’t do it without yelling and it upsets the neighbors but THEY HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR YEARS WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? This isn’t NEW. This isn’t something we’ve never seen before. THEY HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE NIXON AND THEY WILL KEEP BEING LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU KEEP FALLING FOR IT, YOU SHALLOW, HISTORICALLY ILLITERATE BASTARD.

They were like this in 2004, back when you were pushing the bullshitboth of them suck but Kerry’s a pussy about it, whereas Bush sucks with gusto argument, and they were like this in 2003, when you were for the war before you were against it, but not like a hippie or anything, and they were like this 30 years ago, back when the world still had hope of you having any moral courage at all. Just below the surface, Joe, and I know the surface is where you thrive, but just an eighth of an inch below it, they have always scuba-ed in the roiling mire of racism and sexism and homophobia and hatred, and yet here you are, now that they’re finally, finally on the decline, figuring out that they kind of suck.

It’s too bad, Joe. It’s too bad you couldn’t have clued into this sometime in 2000, when it might have made a difference for the candidate you once called “an honorable man,” who had he been president in 2001 might have at least paid attention when someone handed him a piece of paper that says YOUR COUNTRY IS ABOUT TO BE MONUMENTALLY FUCKED BY A DUDE IN A CAVE PLEASE WAKE UP OH MY GOD. It’s too bad none of this occurred to you in 2002, when, buoyed by our successes kicking the shit out of shitless Afghanistan, your newmanly hero was beginning to make noises about his Next Big Thing. It’s too bad you couldn’t have noticed what scumsucking motherfuckers you were propping up when you went all weak-kneed over invading Iraq, or when a good man ran for president and was slammed by people whose billboards declared “One Nation. Under God.” Admittedly, it wasn’t “Country First,” but it was close enough for this government’s work. It’s really too bad you couldn’t have noticed back before we lost our civil liberties, and ten states put discrimination on the ballot, and Jerome Corsi became a bestselling author, and Max Cleland was called a coward, and Wesley Clark a traitor, and Cindy Sheehan a grief whore or whatever it was they called her.

You’re looking around now, in amazement, going, “Dude. What the fuck?” and I’m sorry, but you’re not a kindergartner and I am not obligated to praise your diorama. Which is fucking LATE, and the dinosaurs didn’t look like that, and fuck you, basically, Joe, for showing upnow, when America isthis. Thanks for all the help. Really. F-minus. Try failing again.

Jackass.

A.

15 thoughts on “You’ll Pardon Me

  1. I’m in my 50s and for as long as I can remember the Republicans have been claiming in some way-shape-or form that Democrats didn’t love the country, weren’t patriotic, and were weak… “we lost China, sold out Eastern Europe to the Soviets… etc., etc., etc. Klein’s been brain dead for decades if he hadn’t noticed the recurrent and endless theme.

  2. I’m in my 50s and for as long as I can remember the Republicans have been claiming in some way-shape-or form that Democrats didn’t love the country, weren’t patriotic, and were weak… “we lost China, sold out Eastern Europe to the Soviets… etc., etc., etc. Klein’s been brain dead for decades if he hadn’t noticed the recurrent and endless theme.

  3. PurpleGirl, what I love about it is that he NOTICED, he just blamed Democrats for not fighting back hard enough, which made his commentary “balanced.” Boyfriend needs an editor like I need a beer.
    A.

  4. I keep wondering if any widely read news columnist or pundit will do a expose about McCain, demonstrating what a slimebag he is, and has been for many years. Somehow I do think that will happen, but not until next year sometime. Mustn’t upset the voters, you know.

  5. “Praising your diorama” is now my new favorite phrase.
    Next up from JokeLine: Republicans are hypocrites! Plus, the sky is BLUE!
    All that said, it might help end the “Democrats are pussies” meme if maybe, just maybe, some of them got a little, you know, PISSED OFF about this stuff! In public, please.

  6. he just blamed Democrats for not fighting back hard enough
    Did he say whether he disapproved of that skirt and those shoes and that the Democrats were in that bar after dark too?
    God, I get so tired of victim-blaming. It’s rape-apologist logic.

  7. *MMA*
    This is such a sublime takedown that I will be in a good mood the rest of the day in spite of the head-banging idiocy it documents…
    (marrymeathenae)
    A: I bought your book, was too shy to go to your signing in NYC, and now my bro-in-law who teaches media at a Jesuit college in NYC is reading it… it was GREAT. I cried (this is true), I cursed, I wallowed in wonder at how a student newspaper could get a start, evolve, and how brave and dedicated all you are/were… thanks for all of the above.

  8. I was noticing he courageously posted this on the Time magazine blog. All the respectable mainstream publications regard their blogs as the place where anything (well, almost) can be said, because it isn’t really “important”. I mean, consider the source… It’s “only a blog”…
    Let’s see Joe put this in print, in a publication people and advertisers pay for. And then say it again and again, maybe make it a regular, running theme of his commentary on the Presidential campaign.
    Until then, it’s not even noteworthy…

  9. Josh Marshall on JokeKlein’s observation:
    For most I think the idea is still that McCain doesn’t really approve of the campaign his campaign is running or he wouldn’t if he knew about it.

  10. Attention All Rats! Attention All Rats! The ship is sinking. Repeat: The ship is sinking! It is time to exit the ship immediately!
    Joe f’in’ Klein. I can’t even muster any anger, just low-energy derision. And pity. Pity, of course.

  11. Aww, report from the heartland, thanks for the kind words about the book. You should come out if I ever get back there. 🙂
    A.

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