You Just Knew This Would Be a Thread of Win

South Carolina, where people keep sex toys in their cars “just in case:”

Because you never know when you might be passing through some
graveyard, just, you know, minding your own business, looking at the
graves or whatever, when SUDDENLY: some chick, who I don’t know if
she’s a hooker or what but she didn’t ask ME for any money, just
totally jumps your bone. You gotta have your kit on hand, man, for
emergencies like this one.

What does a South Carolina sex toy look like, anyway? A wind-up mechanical kangaroo that punches you in the junk?

“Corning is perhaps best known in the House for his work on anti-abortion initiatives. “

Not any more.

No, he’s still systematically fucking with women. Same cause, different mode.

Hey, ease up on Roland, will ya? Who hasn’t picked up a lovely young
lady from the local gentleman’s club and driven out to the cemetery
with a bunch of sex toys & Viagra to get their groove on? Wonkettes
are such prudes!

Guess he had to use the cemetery because the Sex Police closed the Appalachian Trail.


9 thoughts on “You Just Knew This Would Be a Thread of Win

  1. GentillyGirl says:

    Never. Going. To. South. Carolina. Again.

  2. MapleStreet says:

    Elmwood Cemetary, Columbia, SC is fairly isolated – off to itself and limited by the river and freeway. In short, you don’t go there by accident.
    Wayne St is 1 block away from an Elementary School.
    Both are an easy hop away from the State Offices.

  3. racymind says:

    Sounds like a David Vitter type, just with a different fetish.

  4. hoppy says:

    A real southern gentleman.

  5. CybScryb says:

    Ahhh…South Carolina. When you’re too young for Florida, but perverse enough for a GOP environment, you’ll be right at home!

  6. pansypoo says:

    what part of the bible belt is this?

  7. joejoejoe says:

    Those aren’t nipple clamps officer…they’re jumper cables.

  8. liprap says:

    NOOOOOO!!!! My great-aunt is in SC! How do I get her out of that den of iniquity to the one I live in?

  9. Interrobang says:

    I’m sick enough that I read the twerp’s name as “Coming.” Damn kerning’ll get you every time…

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