Malaka Of The Week: Metropolitan Seraphim Of Piraeus

Malaka seraphim
This week’s malaka with other bearded dudes. He’s the one who talks loudly *and* carries a big stick.

I like naming a malaka of the week who knows from malakatude. This week’s “honoree” is, in fact, a Greek Orthodox Bishop who is a real Greek and a bona fide bearded malaka, Metropolitan Seraphim of Piraeus.I was raised in the American Greek Orthodox Church and the Priests I knew as a kid were mostly bleeding hearts who marched with Dr. King and against the Vietnam War. The Greek Greek Church is a different kettle of fish altogether. Exhibit A is Metropolitan Malaka who blames Greece’s financial meltdown on the Jews:

TheJewish Telegraphic Agency reported that the bishop “said that there is a conspiracy to enslave Greece and Christian Orthodoxy. He also accused international Zionism of trying to destroy the family unit by promoting one-parent families and same-sex marriages.”

According to the news agency, when the bishop was then asked, “Why do you disagree with Hitler’s policies? If they are doing all this, wasn’t he right in burning them?” he replied: “Adolf Hitler was an instrument of world Zionism and was financed from the renowned Rothschild family with the sole purpose of convincing the Jews to leave the shores of Europe and go to Israel to establish the new Empire.” He added that Jewish bankers like “Rockefeller, Rothschild and Soros control the international banking system that controls globalization.”

The Rockefellers are Jewish? Who knew? Also, Seraphim the Beard’s information is rather out of date: the Rockefellers are no longer at the center of the worldwide conspiracy against clerics with more hair than sense. He needs to upgrade his tinfoil hat…

It makes me wonder what Metropolitan Malaka wears under his cassock. Could it be a teabag? He certainly sounds a lot like some of the crazier American wingnuts such as Gret Stet Fuhrer wannabe David Duke. The whole international Zionist conspiracy shit is tired and trite but, apparently, so is Metropolitan Malaka.

This bearded twit is also a rabid homphobe, which is ironic given that he’s bejeweled and wears a dress albeit a long, scratchy and unattractive one. Check this rant out:

Earlier this year, the bishopwrote to Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II to demand that Elton John be stripped of his knighthood fortelling Parade magazine, “Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man.” The bishop also complained to Britain’s ambassador to Greece about the singer’s “unacceptable and absurd” comment, which, he said, had caused “deep pain and bitterness.”

I wonder if this bearded boob doth protest too much. Who the hell takes either Parade Magazine or Reg Dwight’s knighthood this seriously? Unless, that is, they’re headline hunting, which seems to be the Metropolitan’s racket.

His bailiwick is Piraeus, which is the largest port in Greece. It makes me wonder if he’s a Hellenic Ted Haggard who has been known to say “hey, sailor.” That’s, of course, rank speculation of the sort that the Piraeus putz traffics in but what’s a little rank speculation among friends?

Stumbling into this story has me contemplating dressing up as Seraphim for Mardi Gras. I think I have a long black cassocky thing and can easily obtain black whiskers. It could be a deeply scary costume; especially if I can get my hands on one of the incense shaker things that Orthodox priests use quite promiscuously during mass. Of course, nobody will get it; particularly because everyone thinksSeraphim is an angeland not a malaka. From beatitude to malakatude in a matter of minutes…

17 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Metropolitan Seraphim Of Piraeus

  1. Nicely done, restrained and just the right amount of snark. I see you inspire serious, intelligent commentary 😉

  2. “Adolf Hitler was an instrument of world Zionism…”

    I never heard that one before.
    Do I get to be a world Zionist too? I figure if we’re going to start cancelling countries created by fiat by the British, a lot of us are going to have to get packing.

  3. Pretty funny how this article doesn’t actually look into his claims. Rockefellers funded Hitler,, they are evil people. He just said it the wrong way to make himself look stupid. Google Operation Northwoods

  4. its very dissapointing to read your comments and calling a very spiritual and educated man these foul names. these things dont just pop up into the mind of the metropolite. if you read the books of elder paisios, elder joseph, elder ephraim then you might reconsider your comments. i bet you have never heard of these men and you probably didnt even see the interview which was 27 min long. he didnt say it was rockefeller who supported hitler he said it was rothschild. i agree with the the metropolite that the world banks and economy is run by the jews without a shadow of doubt. the truth will one day surface and that is why we are called the orthodox ( truth ) church.

  5. If the Metropoliton was trying to impress the world with his knowledge – it failed and did the opposite. He showed his ignorance. The financial collapse of Greece can only be laid at the feet of the Greek Politicians who caved in to the constant demands of the unions to keep on “giving away the store”.
    Between the unions and the socialist/communists people in Greece who are leading you down the road to total destruction . . . there is no hope.
    Blaming the Jews for this disaster is so stupid and blatantly wrong that it centers on a betrayal of the truth.

  6. Notice that his church leaders have not crticised him. And he’s still the bishop. That’s because vile anti-Semitism goes beyond this hater. It’s endemic in Europe, including this church.

  7. If you’re going to be homophobic and anti-Semitic, then perhaps you want to rethink the “Joan Rivers for QVC” jewelry and accessories. Just sayin’.

  8. the hitler zionism thing originates with two jewish authors: Lenni Brenner & Ralph Schoenman. that’s where that theory comes from. if you have an issue with it i suggest you take it up with them. Schoenman’s website is

  9. My μαμά said to tell you “a big BRAVO!”. He’s nuts and an embarrassment to all of us Greeks.

  10. This Bishop is correct in what he is stating. If anyone would look deep into history they would see this in plain light. The federal reserve is owned by the Rothschild family and Rockerfellers. Study President Andrew Jackson, he ran on killing the Bank because and won election because of it. He understood the evils of the Bank aka Federal Reserve and if you study his history you will see why. It is no concidence that the countrys Banks owned by these corrupt family are in debt and are failing. We will lose our sovernity and be established under 1 world currency which is what the Federal Reserve is messaging now. There is too much facts to state in this case and if anyone disagrees I challenge you to do some hard studing into our history on our early presidents. That is just a start. You will find more if you seek the truth! I’m proud of this Bishop he has the guts to speak out against this group.

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