I like naming a malaka of the week who knows from malakatude. This week’s “honoree” is, in fact, a Greek Orthodox Bishop who is a real Greek and a bona fide bearded malaka, Metropolitan Seraphim of Piraeus.I was raised in the American Greek Orthodox Church and the Priests I knew as a kid were mostly bleeding hearts who marched with Dr. King and against the Vietnam War. The Greek Greek Church is a different kettle of fish altogether. Exhibit A is Metropolitan Malaka who blames Greece’s financial meltdown on the Jews:
TheJewish Telegraphic Agency reported that the bishop “said that there is a conspiracy to enslave Greece and Christian Orthodoxy. He also accused international Zionism of trying to destroy the family unit by promoting one-parent families and same-sex marriages.”
According to the news agency, when the bishop was then asked, “Why do you disagree with Hitler’s policies? If they are doing all this, wasn’t he right in burning them?” he replied: “Adolf Hitler was an instrument of world Zionism and was financed from the renowned Rothschild family with the sole purpose of convincing the Jews to leave the shores of Europe and go to Israel to establish the new Empire.” He added that Jewish bankers like “Rockefeller, Rothschild and Soros control the international banking system that controls globalization.”
The Rockefellers are Jewish? Who knew? Also, Seraphim the Beard’s information is rather out of date: the Rockefellers are no longer at the center of the worldwide conspiracy against clerics with more hair than sense. He needs to upgrade his tinfoil hat…
It makes me wonder what Metropolitan Malaka wears under his cassock. Could it be a teabag? He certainly sounds a lot like some of the crazier American wingnuts such as Gret Stet Fuhrer wannabe David Duke. The whole international Zionist conspiracy shit is tired and trite but, apparently, so is Metropolitan Malaka.
This bearded twit is also a rabid homphobe, which is ironic given that he’s bejeweled and wears a dress albeit a long, scratchy and unattractive one. Check this rant out:
Earlier this year, the bishopwrote to Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II to demand that Elton John be stripped of his knighthood fortelling Parade magazine, “Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man.” The bishop also complained to Britain’s ambassador to Greece about the singer’s “unacceptable and absurd” comment, which, he said, had caused “deep pain and bitterness.”
I wonder if this bearded boob doth protest too much. Who the hell takes either Parade Magazine or Reg Dwight’s knighthood this seriously? Unless, that is, they’re headline hunting, which seems to be the Metropolitan’s racket.
His bailiwick is Piraeus, which is the largest port in Greece. It makes me wonder if he’s a Hellenic Ted Haggard who has been known to say “hey, sailor.” That’s, of course, rank speculation of the sort that the Piraeus putz traffics in but what’s a little rank speculation among friends?
Stumbling into this story has me contemplating dressing up as Seraphim for Mardi Gras. I think I have a long black cassocky thing and can easily obtain black whiskers. It could be a deeply scary costume; especially if I can get my hands on one of the incense shaker things that Orthodox priests use quite promiscuously during mass. Of course, nobody will get it; particularly because everyone thinksSeraphim is an angeland not a malaka. From beatitude to malakatude in a matter of minutes…