No, No, Cuomo

Cuomo with Captain. Nixon with Checkers.

I admit to being surprised that Andrew Cuomo resigned yesterday. I was not, however, as gobsmacked as the cable news pundits. The ones I saw on MSNBC came up with all sorts of elaborate scenarios as to why it happened. As always, I looked for the simplest answer: He did not have the votes in the lege to stay in office, so he went albeit grudgingly and gracelessly.

The tone and content of the speech reminded me of Tricky Dick’s resignation speech on 8/8/74. I considered doing  a side-by-side analysis but New York Magazine’s Ed Kilgore beat me to the punch. Suffice it to say, both Tricky Dick and Handsy Andy stressed the politics of resigning not the ethics or morality. It’s a good thing because to say both men were ethically challenged is an understatement.

This is the money quote from Cuomo’s speech:

I have been too familiar with people. My sense of humor can be insensitive and off-putting. I do hug and kiss people casually, women and men. I have done it all my life. It’s who I’ve been since I can remember. In my mind, I’ve never crossed the line with anyone, but I didn’t realize the extent to which the line has been redrawn. There are generational and cultural shifts that I just didn’t fully appreciate, and I should have. No excuses.

I have to give Handsy Andy credit for ending that passage with some unintentional levity. No excuses? Really? The previous sentences are chock-full-o-excuses. I halfway expected him to break out in this song:

Cuomo and Nixon share some negative qualities: egotism, self-pity, and sexism. They also share a redeeming characteristic: they love dogs, which makes both of them better than the Impeached Insult Comedian.

The featured image shows Cuomo with a younger Captain and Tricky with legendary scandal dog Checkers. I wonder where Pat’s “Republican cloth coat” was when this picture was taken.

Otherwise, Cuomo and Nixon are very different. Cuomo is the cocky son of a famous man. Nixon was the insecure son of a nobody. Cuomo is a touchy-feely New York ethnic. Nixon was a hands-off California WASP. Both were forced to resign high office because of scandal. That’s the most important thing they have in common.

As a resident of the Gret Stet of Louisiana, I’d like to point out how many scandals there have been in the Empire State. Former Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned because of his predilection for prostitutes. Former Attorney General Eric Schneiderman resigned amidst charges of sexual assault and general kinkiness. Now it’s Andrew Cuomo who also served as AG before becoming Governor. These creeps make Louisiana pols look like pikers with the exception of Diaper Dave Vitter.

Cuomo’s exit makes Kathy Hochul the first woman governor of New York. I wish her well, but she has a mess on her hands.

I’m glad Cuomo will be leaving office in two week. My only regret is that I didn’t call him Handsy Andy until today. I guess it’s because Andys tend to be nice guys, not arrogant pricks. As far as I know, nobody calls Cuomo Andy not even his idiot kid brother Chris. Why risk being pantsed, stuffed in a locker, or getting a swirly? Those are things that bullies do. In the end, Andrew Cuomo is a bully. He can go fuck himself.

The last word goes to Ringo Starr: