Wet Hot Political Summer

Failed Presidential Candidate Ron DeSantis caught without his fabulous white rainboots, while his daughter demonstrates how we all feel about his campaign.

Summer can be a crazy time for politics. In 1987, I had just finished my freshman year in college and was working a summer job at one of my hometown’s two newspapers, the York Dispatch. One of my duties was clearing the photo wires and bringing the photos to the news editors for review, and images of the Iran-Contra hearing dominated the national wires. I got really tired of seeing Weasel Col. Oliver North, and his assistant Fawn Hall.

Last year, one of the worst decisions in Supreme Court history provided the summer political fun, Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization. In much better news, Biden signed several significant bills, achieving more during the 2022 summer months than Failed Former President and Defendant Donald Trump did during his entire presidency.

This summer has been crazy in so many ways it is hard to know how to begin. First off, we are in what has pretty much become the Presidential Electoral Pre-Season. I think both-siderism in the current era is total madness and idiocy, but we can sort of say “both sides have crazy” in the very early going. Sort of. On the Democratic side, we have Workout in Jeans Enthusiast Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who offers a mishmash of remnants of his progressive past and batshit insane conspiracy theories. Oh, and by the way, he has the support of Democratic heavy hitters like….Treason General Mike Flynn and Crazed Political Operative Roger Stone.

There’s also the long-time support he received from Steve Bannon. So, sure, he is a Democrat. I’m also on the mound for the Baltimore Orioles tonight.

On the Republican side, they have a criminal defendant former president, The World’s Most Unpleasant Human, and a variety of people with absolutely no chance. The World’s Most Unpleasant Human, to clarify, is Florida’s Man Ron DeSantis, just in case you are not sure which very unpleasant human I am discussing. There just are so many on the Republican side.

Criminal Defendant Trump is the source of much of this summer’s political crazy, as he has approximately 3,482 indictments and some of them coming from the DOJ. Head Justice Person Merrick Garland is no longer driving Adam Schiff crazy and has his man Jack Smith on the case, who looks exactly like the kind of guy you want on Trump’s case. Meanwhile, Trump’s main rival and the Great Hope of the Grand Old Party, Ronnie “White Boots” DeSantis, is providing the most material for his opponents to dunk on ever seen in a campaign this side of Dr. Oz.

This includes a profoundly bizarre ad dropped this week that is somehow homophobic and homoerotic what with its imagery of oiled-up bodybuilders and Brad Pitt, kind of like a closeted gay right-winger who both supports the Don’t Say Gay law and refuses to admit his crush on his favorite teams’ star linebacker. Also this week, there were plenty of images of Ol’ White Boots soaked in New Hampshire when it literally rained on his parade.

Ron might have been singing…

As for the rest of the GOP hopefuls…oh who cares. None of them matter.

In other political craziness, His Honor and Mayor of Gotham Eric Adams, a pseudo-Dem and one-time hope for Morning Joe centrists to sneak a Republican into the national Democratic Party, had another moment that demonstrated he is not ready for prime time. I mean, lying about carrying a photo of a policeman murdered on duty for years is as Republican as wanting low-income people to suffer. Related: is it possible for New York City to have a decent mayor?

There were a few other eye-brow raisers from my party this week. One was this odd Tweet from a normally very very good senator, Chris Murphy.

He was told, rather loudly, NO. The thing is, the history of compromise in America has a common thread – it is often done on the backs of our Black citizens. And this is just so vague, I would ask what he means by this because it is alarming to our fellow citizens who are LGBTQ+, female, Native, Black, Hispanic, AAPI, etc. Don’t forget, Nancy Pelosi’s call for Dems to back off on abortion did not end well. Nevertheless, I trust Sen. Murphy heard us, similar to how my governor, PA Gov and Future Presidential Primary Front Runner Josh Shapiro, heard us this week.

The good Gov. wanted to go along with Republicans on school vouchers, and the Dem-led PA House said nope, and Shapiro heard them. He did the right thing.

Wait…this was supposed to be about political craziness, not pragmatism and listening to your voters.

Let’s end it, then, with some actual political craziness. Middle-Aged Mean Girl Marjorie Taylor Greene got kicked out of the Freedom Caucus, which is all the proof you need that there is no honor among thieves. Marge, who has the amorality of a hungry mosquito, called fellow House wacko Lauren Boebert “a little bitch” (hey, Marge said it, I didn’t) and committed other sins like being too much of a buddy to Sad, Pathetic House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. So I guess that was too much for the Freedom! crowd in the U.S. House

When your political goal as a party is to be as crazy and mean as you possibly can be, you eventually will turn on your own. The fav narrative of the Very Serious and Reasoned Minds of the Great American Discourse is DEMS IN DISARRAY. Take one look at how my governor settled the school voucher disagreement, and the Eat Our Own freak show going on in the Republican Party, and tell me which one is in disarray.

The last word goes to Gnarles Barkley.

One thought on “Wet Hot Political Summer

  1. A couple of things.

    White Boots: will people go crazy when a Democratic candidate shows up in a coastal community where he might have to wade in puddles or worse, and what we in Louisiana call Shrimp Boots? Because a candidate in Louisiana after a flood or storm on the coast is going to pull on his shrimp boots. It’s like mocking a candidate from Maine for holding up a lobster.

    Advance: Apparently no decent GOP operative with experience in field and advance will work for De Santis, because no umbrella on hand is the field equivalent of accidentally pushing your candidate down the airplane stairs. Whoops.

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