Are you ready for the first malaka of the week post of 2025? You have no choice. And that is why Secret Service agent turned Fox host turned podcaster turned Deputy FBI Director Dan Bongino is malaka of the week.
This is an atypical malaka of the week post. I’m not that interested in this loudmouth wingnut podcaster. I am, however, interested in the signal this sends to the world, especially to terrorists and criminals who used to fear and respect the FBI. The bad guys have nothing to fear from the FBI with Patel and Bongino in charge. Bongino is such a bad selection that he makes The Wizard Of Odd DBA Kash Patel *almost* look qualified. Almost.
This is a batshit crazy appointment. This asshole has no qualifications whatsoever for the job. He’s a troll appointed by President Troll to troll the FBI. Yet again, the unfit has appointed the unqualified.
Why was a cretinous conspiracy theorist appointed to be the number two at the FBI? It’s part of the MAGA plan to destroy agencies, then remake them as creatures of President Pennywise. The FBI is about to be out of the business of crime fighting. Its new mission: investigating Trump’s enemies and aiding and abetting the looting of the treasury by the Kaiser of Chaos, Reich Chancellor Musk and their ilk.
Bill the Cat speaks for all of us at First Draft:
Bongino’s appointment is an insult to the FBI as well as the national intelligence. For years, he’s peddled the “FBI inside job/false flag” theory of the Dispshit Insurrection. It has no basis in reality but when did that ever stop a MAGA maggot from lying?
Owning the libs is Malaka Dan’s jam.
The Deputy Directorship is an administrative post that usually goes to an experienced special agent. The only thing Dan Bongino has ever run is his mouth. That’s why the Insult Comedian likes him: Malaka Dan is *almost* as big an asshole as Trump. Almost.
Malaka Dan is paired in the featured image with Mark Felt who was Deputy FBI Director when he was Deep Throat. Felt was aggrieved after being passed over for the top job by Nixon in favor of a sycophant. How Trumpy is that?
Felt also performed as Deep Throat for Bob Woodward because he was a distinguished FBI lifer who loathed Nixon’s hostile takeover of the Bureau.
Felt rightly felt that Tricky Dick had the FBI on the highway to hell:
You know things are going to hell in a bucket when I post a song by a heavy metal band. I dislike the genre enough to decline to capitalize it, but I dig the song enough to do the Ira Gershwin dance: You say hard rock, I say heavy metal. Let’s call the whole thing off.
The demonization of the FBI by the right-wing extremist MAGA movement is surreal to those of us who know history. It is now what it has always been: a conservative institution. Yet another reason to NOT call them conservatives. This is some radical shit, y’all.
I’m not a fan of J Edgar Hoover BUT he’s certainly spinning in his grave. A tattooed Deputy Director? Hoover would have plotzed at the prospect. Hoover missed out on podcasts but talk radio was around in his day. A talk radio host would never have been given a plum post by Hoover. Of course, the author of shitty MAGA children’s books is now FBI Director.
The FBI *was* overly political under Hoover. He was a gossipy wingnut who loved getting down and dirty with his enemies. His enemies such as MLK and JFK were not my enemies. The FBI Director should not have an enemies list. Kash Patel does and his second banana digs it.
Allow me to paraphrase Henry Adams who was talking about General Presidents Washington and Grant. I’m talking FBI: The progress of evolution from Deputy Director Felt to Deputy Director Bongino was alone evidence to upset Darwin.
Again, I have no interest in Dan Bongino. He’s a mouthy moron who’s a thuggish sycophant of a thuggish president. Thanks to the Gangster-In-Chief, Bongino now has power. That’s simultaneously sinister and funny. That’s MAGA world in a wingnut shell. And that is why Dan Bongino is malaka of the week.
Speaking of going to hell in a bucket, the last word goes to the good old Grateful Dead:
Bongino even looks like the Tool that he is. They do Love their Podcast Bros tho’, the MAGA. All that raging Testosterone and false bravado… always suspect of what they’re ‘compensating’ for? J. Edgar’s cross dressing will seem tame compared to the Human Sideshow now rotating in who want us so badly to Believe they have a set of Balls, or a Spine… how soon before they rotate out, since, they all end up under the Bus eventually, will be more interesting. Nobody lasts long in his Administrations and it will be a very ugly divorce with fElon, I highly suspect.