I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions, but sometimes the R word pops out of my mouth. I’m irresolute that way. That’s not it: I prefer not to make promises I can’t keep. I’m resolute that way.

I’m sticking to my guns on not making resolutions for myself. I can, however, make them for others. That’s why the punny post title ends with a question mark. Let’s see if this works. If it doesn’t:

We begin with some questionable political characters and their irresolute resolutions. They’re written in the first person, which requires some dumbing down, especially the first entry.

Donald Trump: I resolve to look more resolute at the resolute desk and to use bigger words, so people won’t think I have dementia. That was Biden, not me. Everything is his fault, not mine. Believe me.

JD Vance: I resolve to keep pandering to extremists to overcome my marriage to an Asian-Pacific lawyer, not a trad wife. This level of hypocrisy is hard to maintain. It would be easier if I were likable, but I’m not.

Marco Rubio: I resolve to liberate Cuba even if they don’t want it. Venezuela is just a test case. I wish I could compare myself to Simon Bolivar, but Hugo Chavez beat me to it.

Kristi Noem: I resolve to wear cuter outfits as I flit across the country. Time to switch from khaki to pink. I need to live down my image as a puppy killer.

Pam Bondi: I resolve to suck up so exuberantly to the boss that he’ll pardon me when I leave office. I may face disbarment, so I need all the help I can get. That goes for Deputy Todd too.

Let’s see what they’re up to on The Hill:

Mike Johnson: I resolve to live down my reputation as a yes man by saying no sometimes. It’s hard being stuck in a sycophancy rut.

Bill Cassidy: I resolve to duck the blame for Bobby Junior making a mess of our health care system. So what if I was the decisive vote on the committee? Brown nosing Trump is more important to my campaign than helping sick kids. They can’t vote.

Media types make resolutions too:

Bari Weiss: Who is this Jamie O guy and why does he hate me so much? I resolve to ignore my critics and get on with the job of gutting CBS News.

William Lewis: Bari is right. I resolve to ignore the haters and get on with the job of gutting the Washington Post. Who cares what WaPo lifers like Gene Robinson and Ruth Marcus think? They quit and quitters never prosper or some such shit.

Bringing up the rear is the Clownfish: I resolve to lie my way through the Greenland envoy thing. Why did my dear leader give me an assignment that’s a sure loser? Does he still love me?

That concludes this attempt to make sense out of the insensate.

The featured image is from the New Year’s party in Godfather II. In it, Michael Corleone gives the kiss of death to his hapless brother Fredo. Now that’s resolute.

The last word circles back to the resolute desk. It goes to Harry Nilsson: