Wake up, babe, the dumbest guy day drinking in your nearest dive bar got himself a cabinet position.
As you may have heard, Dog-Killing Monster Kristi Noem is out as the head of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), and Professional Moron Markwayne Mullin, who somehow is a senator, is in as the new DHS chief. Mullin kind of comes off as not very bright.
RAJU: You'll concede this is war?MARKWAYNE MULLIN: We haven't declared war. They declared war on usRAJU: The president called it war and Secretary Hegseth called it war REPORTER: When you walked up just now, you called it warMULLIN: Okay. That was a misspoke.
Well, okay then. Mullin is also known for this moment, where he demonstrated the core Republican trait of being absolutely terrified of everything to the point of sounding completely insane.
Markwayne Mullin: "I'm not joking when I say this. I drive around Washington DC in my Jeep – yes, I drive myself – & I don't buckle up. The reason I don't buckle up – people can say whatever they want – is because of carjacking. I don't want to be stuck in my vehicle when I need to exit in a hurry."
But at least Mullin demonstrates the calm, cool demeanor that such a high-pressure role demands of the person placed in it (Narrator: he does not, in fact, demonstrate a calm, cool demeanor).
Here is Trump's new pick to be Secty of Homeland Security Markwayne Mullin getting so rattled in a Senate hearing by union leader Sean O'Brien that he threatens to fight him. Imagine how much Mullin would freak out in a real crisis?!!
— Dean Obeidallah (@deanobeidallah.bsky.social) 2026-03-05T20:40:45.176Z
In other words, this guy is an ideal candidate to serve on Trump’s cabinet. Dumb as a clump of moss and prone to violent outbursts, which I believe is in the job description for Trump Sycophant. Because everything is so stupid, Trump announced the big news not via a press conference but on his social media network, Truth Social. It was the level of Holy Shit Stupid that we have come to expect from our president.
This is notable because of the “Special Envoy of the new Shield of the Americas” so-called job that Noem is being moved over to, which is basically Trump’s ham-fisted way of being able to claim he didn’t fire her. Because you see, Trump can’t admit that he fired someone, because according to his lizard brain that is a sign of weakness and it means the libs have won, so he came up with this stupid scheme to make it look like this was a lateral move for Noem.
This is unconfirmed, but it appears that Noem was speaking at an event without knowledge that she had been canned.
This is amazing; am watching on C-SPAN3. If she had a staff member who liked her, that person would've walked up to her 15 minutes ago to whisper in her ear to get out of there.But no one is protecting her. Any one of these attendees can break the news to her on live tv.
— Adam Bonin (@adambonin.bsky.social) 2026-03-05T19:29:57.954Z
On one hand, this is cold; on the other, she shot her own dog.
My guess is that Trump got fed up with her and finally went ahead and pulled the trigger, but the timing is not the best. With Trump’s war in Iran likely raising the odds of terrorism happening here in the United States, it’s very hard to have a lot of confidence in a guy who talks about “the smell of war” when he’s never served and keeps calling Pete Hegseth “President Hegseth” during an interview. Not to mention, the guy in charge of preventing terror attacks is fresh out of college.
In any event, this is keeping with the Trump tradition: Fire someone, replace them with someone possibly worse.
The last word goes to Frank Zappa.